Book VII
The Search for the Watch, and the Ensuing Events

Revived by Brent, the KateStory rode again. This time it became an epic tale of the Utterly Useless Masamune that Wouldn't Light Up, and how a plucky group of adventurers (including Brent's characters from Red Wokko, Frog from Chrono Trigger, and of course Kelly and Billy) searched for the Watch Battery of the Gods so they could turn it back into the Actually Pretty Kewl Masamune that Lit Up Quite a Bit. However, just when the story got a plot, Brent cut it short, paying no heed to the story's real-life parallel, and the "ensuing events" involved Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and psychotic girlfriends and stepsisters, and even an extrastoricular (it's not a word, but it should be!) Clash of the Titans (ie Brent and yours truly).

Anywayz, this is by far the best incarnation the KateStory ever had. You'll note the chapters are longer and more in-depth, and there's enough of a plot to keep it going, but not enough for it to be too, well, un-KateStory-ish.

Brent Roberts, 96.08.15

Yes, I know it's weird for a man named Brent to start a sub named "KateStory", but that's what they're called. =)

Anyone remember these things? Going absolutely insane and writing stories with no grasp on reality at all? Well...I don't care whether you remember or not, I'm starting one anyway!!! <Switches to decaf> Ready?

Once upon a time there was a sandwich. The sandwich contained roast beef and mayonnaise. The roast beef used to be a cow known as Woca. Woca belonged to a demonic creature known as a Wonko, and the Wonko's name was Wokko K. Wonko. The eater of the sandwich was also named Wokko. This is how it happened...

Upon returning home from a great adventure, Wokko and his new friends, Fenris, Redd, Litina and Katie (all of whom you don't need to know much about and/or will become clear to you soon enough) found Wokko's pet cow Woca in Wokko's microwave.

"That be a microwave?" Redd exclaimed, "Such a magical device!!!"

Fenris looked at him as if he had just asked for fried weasel on a bun.

"Stop looking at me as if I just asked for fried weasel on a bun!!!" Redd snapped. Fenris stopped.

"How do we get it out?" Litina asked. Fenris quickly came up with a clever and eeeeeeeevil idea. He reached for the microwave controls, which weren't there.

"Wokko!!!" he yelled. "Where are the controls to this thing?"

"Moo," said the cow.

Wokko reached into his couch and procured a remote control.

"Fool, that's for a TV!!!" Fenris groaned.

"What's a TV?" Wokko retorted.

"Moo," said the cow.

Fenris grew annoyed and snatched the remote control out of Wokko's hand.

"Moo," said the cow.

Fenris pushed a few buttons on the remote control.

"Moo," said the cow.

The microwave turned on.

"Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed the cow.

"Fenris, what hast thou done?" Redd asked, terrified.

In his most placid voice, Fenris said, "Duck."

They all ducked as the cow exploded.

Later, Wokko was enjoying his roast beef sandwich, when suddenly...

"Moo," said the cow.

Someone write the next part!!! Yes, that's the infamous "Exploding Cow" from Redd Wokko, but put in the wrong hands it could go in totally whacked out directions. Have fun!!!

- Hedgehog X


Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.15

Yay! I'm glad this thing's back!

Billy and Kelly were naturally PO'ed at having been left out of this story, so, just to humor them, Thad wrote a really long run-on sentence in which they ran up to the exploding cow and got hit in the head with flying meat so that it was all over them and Kelly said "Eeeeew, gross" and Billy was like "Why the hell do we have to be in this story" and Thad laughed maniacally and they were no longer there.

"Who the hell were they?!" Fenris wondered.

"I think they be demons," Redd said breathlessly.

"Doppelgängers from another reality."

"They didn't look like us."

"Shutteth thine face."


"Mine name is Redd...some guy's hopes and dreams...and now..."

Suddenly, a form crashed through the ceiling. It was, of course, a frog with a sword. "Thou'rt stealing my bit!" he shouted in dismay. "Prepareth to meet thine doom at mine hand!"

"What in the..."

The frog leapt forward. "Mine name is Glenn," he said. "Cyrus's hopes and dreams...and now the Masamune...forwith I shall slayeth Magus and restore honor!"

Glenn held up the Masamune...but nothing happened. No light emanated from it.

"What deviltry be this?!" the frog gasped. "The Battery of the Sacred Watch of Casio must have died! You must help me find a new one!"

And so they all teamed up, completely forgetting that the frog had tried to kill Redd five seconds before.

- X

I must avenge the death of my watch. <Becomes mad vigilante>

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.16

Heh heh heh heh. I was waiting for Frog to come into this.

As Frog, Wokko, and everyone else I left out started for the door to revive the Sacred Watch of Casio, someone appeared behind them.

"Hi," said Fenris. "Where did you come from?"

"KISS MY ASS!" the man shouted, and began beating the crap out of Fenris with a chain.

"Who in Schala's name art thou?" Redd and Frog asked in unison.

"La," was the reply, but it didn't come from the guy that was tearing up Fenris.

Suddenly, from nowhere (actually, he came from the sky, but nowhere just sounds better), a psychotic man in a green bird suit crashed through the wall. He picked himself up, dusted himself off, and announced, "La."

"Bastard!" Wokko shouted. "That's my green bird suit!"

"La," said the man in the green bird suit.

"Who art thou?" Redd asked.

"La," replied the man in the green bird suit. Fenris groaned and moaned and twitched, hoping to regain their attention.

His attacker -- the man with the chain -- looked up.

"La," said the man in the green bird suit. Then suddenly, he burst into a weird love song. "La, la la la la, la la la la, la la, la la..."

The other man turned his attention from the damn-near-dead Fenris and to the singing birdman.

"What is going on?" asked Katie.

The man with the chain began whacking the man in the bird suit with his chain.

The man in the bird suit burst out into another song. "La la la la, la la la la, la la la la, la, la la. La la la la, la la la la, la la la la."

"It's them!" exclaimed Wokko's roast beef sandwich.

"Who be 'them'?" Frog asked, not yet realizing he was talking to a sandwich.

"Crazy Willy and the Flyin' Dork."

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

- Amaroq

Stefanie [...], 96.08.15

"Well, just go to La, La land," came another voice. All of the strange people turned to see a very strange looking person staring at them. "Oh what were you expecting, Ford Prefect??" the voice asked.

The being had three arms and two heads. Other than that he looked very humanoid. "Well, let me say, these people here seem to be very cool froods, but nothing beats me, Zaphod Beeblebrox, the ex-prez of the galaxy!"

- Zaphod...

God I love these things...

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.15

Of course you love 'em. This is obviously your creation.

- Amaroq

Brent Roberts, 96.08.15

At that moment Murphy, the evil Saint of Bad News, decided to test the "History repeats itself" rule, and brought Kelly and Billy back into the story.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

"Moo," said the Roast Beef Sandwich.

"EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!" said Crazy Willy.

"Ouch," said Fenris.

"Froody," said Wokko.

"This be boring," said Redd and Frog, who seemed to be good friends now.

"Die!" said Litina.

"Hey, guys!" said Katie.

"I sense two cool froods who really know where their towels are," said Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Kelly and Billy looked around, slack-jawed.

"Why are we back in this story?" Billy asked.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

"Moo," said the Roast Beef sandwich.

Kelly groaned. She looked at Zaphod Beeblebrox.

"A crossover from another story!!! Oh no!!!" she suddenly screamed.

"Something bad always happens when there's a crossover!" Billy groaned.

Zaphod suddenly became scared.

"Look," said Cyan, who had suddenly appeared between Redd and Frog for obvious reasons, "We can't have ye..." he counted, "ten prancin' round all day. Kelly, Billy, I think we'll get along fine."

Redd's eyes popped out.

"Thanks," Billy said, "Now, what are we..."

"Son!!!" Redd suddenly cried out, "Billy! I thought thee be dead!"

Billy looked at his "father" as if he had just asked for a weasel.

"But..." Redd stammered.

"I'm sorry," Billy said, "I don't know you, I don't even know..."

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

"Moo," said the Roast Beef sandwich.

"...who you are."

"No!" Redd cried, and fell to the floor, sobbing.

Crazy Willy starting beating him up while Wokko took another bite out of the screaming sandwich.

- Hedgehog X/Kuroi Ushi (who might be added into this story later) =)

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.15

Heh heh. Kuroi Ushi...heh heh heh. You just gave me an idea! {s ding} (I know someone's going to correct me about that, so lemme just say it before someone does: I know you won't be able to hear it!!!)

When Wokko opened his mouth to take another bite of his sandwich, his teeth suddenly began to glow. They flew out of his mouth and swirled around everyone's head until Crazy Willy exclaimed, "LOSER!" and whacked them with his chain.

Wokko screamed and dropped his roast beef sandwich, which was accidentally stepped on by Fenris. The sandwich squealed, and the teeth shouted and began to take form.

The teeth swirled up to the ceiling and turned into a black cow, who fell through the floor.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

Crazy Willy began beating the crap out of the Flyin' Dork.

"Moo," said the black cow.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork (who still had no idea that Crazy Willy was beating him up).






"Bastards!" Frog screamed.







[Editor's Note: Brent, AQ, and I used to go for minutes at a time saying nothing but "Moo", "La", and "Bastard", respectively, in chat rooms. And it was Good™.]

Crazy Willy tossed his head back and screamed, then began beating everyone up.

Redd was still sobbing, banging his head on the floor and yelling "Why me? Why me?!" over and over.

Frog took his Utterly Useless Masamune Which Wouldn't Light Up, and with a mighty slash cut himself a piece of the roast beef sandwich.

The Flyin' Dork climbed on top Wokko's refrigerator and leapt off, flapping his "wings" rapidly. He hovered for a second, then fell through the floor.

"Moo," said the cow.

Crazy Willy hit the cow with his chain, then flushed him down the toilet.

The Flyin' Dork climbed onto the refrigerator and made another attempt to fly, but instead he fell on the weeping Redd and smashed through the floor.

And then the world exploded.

- Amaroq/The Flyin' Dork

Brady Hartel, 96.08.16

Some useless armored person fell onto Crazy Willy before anything could happen.

"There's the frog, now give me back my sword you stupid little buttmunch!" said Whoever-He-Was. He was dressed in white armor and a cape, and had a sword holster and a scythe which looked like Mondo's from Toshinden with another curved blade on it.

"I am Danny!!!" said uh, Danny. "Now you must perish at the hand of my scythe!"

"Moo," said the sandwich.

"La," said Dork. Danny bopped him with his scythe.

"This sword isith mine!" said the frog, Sir Glenn.

"Gimme that, some guy Magus will be defeated with my sword, so give it to me!"

"Noith, thisith is my sword!" said the frog. "Yoursith isith the bigger one over there in the rock!"

"Oh, okay." He goes and pulls it out. "Now, what were you guys doing?" said Danny.

"Moo," said the Sandwich.

- Ashura

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.16


"GODDAMN FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!" Crazy Willy screamed, and started beating the crap out of Danny.

"Moo," said a voice from inside the toilet.

Suddenly, the toilet began to jump around, and it spit out the black cow. The toilet charged forward, but unfortunately it was supposed to be an inanimate object and thus couldn't see and so it fell through a hole in the floor and squashed Redd and the Flyin' Dork, who shouted "La" in pain.

Crazy Willy turned his attention from Danny and jumped down the hole and started to beat up the Flyin' Dork.

Billy jumped up and down, clapping his hands. "Yay! Yay! A fight!"

Crazy Willy jumped out of the hole and picked up Billy, then threw him into the oven and turned it on "Bake".

"This is getting way-y-y out of hand," Fenris groaned, ducking to avoid Crazy Willy's angry lunge (which caused the psycho to crash into a wall). "It all started when Wokko ate a roast beef sandwich."

"I must mendeth my blade," Frog said, holding up the Utterly Useless Masamune Which Wouldn't Light Up. "Where art the local watch repair shop?"

Crazy Willy struggled to pull his head out from the wall.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork.

The toilet leapt out from the hole, and soon after Redd (who was still sobbing, whether it was from FD and the toilet falling on him or from Billy I don't know) and the Flyin' Dork followed.

The toilet jumped up and down. "Where is that fat fool?!"

All fingers pointed to the black cow.

"Moo," said the cow.

And then the world exploded.

- AQ/The Flyin' Dork

Brent Roberts, 96.08.16

On that day...the world was changed forever...

Miles away from this seemingly pointless commotion, a thief sat atop a mountain, trying to remember how he got there. Suddenly a thought popped into his head.

"The world before the stall...
Delighted was the heart of man...
Stinky was the toilet."

The thief interpreted the message as a call for help and sprang to the rescue of his father.

Back in Wokko's house, everyone was trying to kill Crazy Willy and the Evil Toilet.

"La," said the Flyin' Dork, still getting beat up by Crazy Willy.

"Moo," said the black cow.

"Hold it!" boomed a voice. It came from the thief standing in the doorway. "What do you think you're doing?"

A moment's stunned silence...

"Moo!" said the black cow. Suddenly the thief ducked both Crazy Willy's whip and the enraged Evil Toilet. The toilet was smacked by Crazy Willy and exploded along with the Earth. No one seemed to notice, however.

"Crazy Willy, be punished!" the thief yelled. "Eldar Susara!" The thief's hand started to glow, and Crazy Willy suddenly fell asleep.

"It worked!" the thief breathed.

"I thanketh thee, oh great wizard!" the frog said, kneeling to him.

"And now, let us search for the battery of the Utterly Useless Masamune that Won't Light Up! Open the battery compartment!"

The frog looked at the thief strangely, who had to do it himself since the frog was obviously as mechanically inept as his distant relative, Cyan Garamonde.

[Editor's Note: Bastard.]

"Uh-oh... this sword runs only on one brand of battery: the WATCH BATTERY OF THE GODS!!! To get it, we must steal the sacred..."

"No, not the..." Redd stammered.

"Yes, the sacred..."

"It can't be!" Litina exclaimed.

"Indeed, the sacred..."

"You don't mean..." Kelly gasped.

"Will you let me finish?!?!?! The sacred...WATCH OF THE GODS!!!"

"Oh!" Redd, Litina and Kelly said in unison. "I thought you meant something else! That's easy!"

The thief found the nearest wall and banged his head on it. However, it was his misfortune that it was a magic wall, and the thief instantly disappeared.

"Quick! We must find him!" Wokko exclaimed.

Fenris gave Wokko a queer look, "Why do you care?"

"Are you blind? That was my son!"

Redd looked at Wokko, "You mean...that was..."

Wokko nodded, "Yes, that was none other than Kuroi Ushi!"

Katie's eyes popped out. The Flyin' Dork La'd.

Fenris sighed, "We have our work cut out for us. First, we find your son. Then we steal the WATCH OF THE GODS, and finally we complete the task we five originally set out to do. This is ridiculous."

"In a world ruled by Wokkos, all is ridiculous..."

Frog, as he was suddenly called, nodded. "Then let us hurry!"

And the party of too damn many set out on the three tasks. As they left, Crazy Willy woke up and shook his head.

"Moo," said a nearby cow, which Willy immediately leapt upon and started to eat, planning revenge on Kuroi Ushi...

- Hedgehog X, He Who Writes Too Damn Much!

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.16

"What the...?!" Glenn gasped. "Mechanically inept?! I shouldst know better than to alloweth mineself to be written about by Brent Roberts! Bastard!"

He waved the Utterly Useless Masamune That Wouldn't Light Up. It wouldn't light up.

"Dammit," he said.

"La!" screamed the Flyin' Dork, desperately trying to save himself from the grip of Crazy Willy.

"Fools," Redd muttered.

"Don't they know who we be?!" Cyan wondered.

"Mine name is Glenn..." Glenn began, then shouted, "D'oh!"

"You know what really sucks...?" asked an unknown voice. "I forgot the really good idea I had earlier today for this!"

- X

My temporary replacement watch sucks. It doesn't even have Indiglo, let alone Electro-Luminescence!

Brent Roberts 96.08.17

Wokko wondered how Crazy Willy could beat up the Flyin' Dork and eat his cow when they were both in entirely different places, and how Glenn knew what the narrator was saying behind his back. The word "hypocrite" rebounded through his mind, and suddenly broke through his skull.

"Duck!" screamed Fenris as he grabbed Katie and dived under the flying word "hypocrite". However, the word had elasticity, as demonstrated by the rebounding effect in Wokko's skull, and rebounded back at Fenris.

Wokko suddenly grabbed the word and, charging it with magic energy, threw it at the owner of the mysterious voice, turning him into a snail.

Wokko smirked, "That's one less name the authors will have to worry about!"

Meanwhile the enraged Glenn was frantically trying to get the Utterly Useless Masamune That Wouldn't Light Up to light up. It didn't.

Wokko patted the frog on the back. "There there. Don't mind what the evil Brent..."

Suddenly, Wokko was struck by lightning, and his parting words were, "...says. We're all as mechanically inept as you...are..."

And so the Wonko died.

Fenris scratched his head. "Excuse me, but I happen to pilot an intergalactic..."

Wokko suddenly shot up from his Rigor Mortis, and barked, "Shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to cheer the miserable creature up?"

"Creature?!?!?!" screamed the enraged toad ("Frog!" screamed Glenn, and tried to slice Brent Roberts with the Utterly Useless Masamune that Wouldn't Light Up. It wouldn't light up, however, so he simply muttered "Bastard" and leapt back into the story). "Blasphemer! I shall throweth thee...no, that's no right!"

He suddenly whipped out a book on Olde English and read a few chapters, then tried again.

"Blasphemer!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, not realizing this would attract attention to him and his faltering accent, "I shalt throweth thee off of Mount Doooooom! Thereth. Dideth Ieth doeth thateth righteth?"

"No," Kelly said simply.

Suddenly Glenn began talking in an equally bad Brooklyn accent. "Well id ain't my fald if da authors gave me such a stupid role!"

Wokko suddenly got up, forgetting that he was supposed to be dead. "Wait a minute! You aren't Glenn!"

The phony frog made a mad dash for some kind of exit, but since he was outside he quickly got lost in the completely empty field. Wokko leapt upon him.

"The Scooby Doo Ending! Now let's see who you really are!"

He pulled off the frog's head, but decided he didn't like the look of his spine and reattached it. Then he pulled off his mask and gasped, "It's...the Man Who Can't Get a Single Damn Accent Right!!!"

"Whatteth?" said Redd, and kneeled to the man. Everyone else, even the Flyin' Dork and Crazy Willy's mysterious twin, followed his lead, except Wokko who hadn't a clue what was going on.

"I don't have a clue what's going on!" Wokko bluntly stated.

"Dost thou know nothing?" Redd said. "The Man Who Can't Get a Single Damn Accent Right is..."

"Brent!!!" cried Fenris.

"Wait a minute! I thought Thad was supposed to be Froggy here!" Wokko's arm exploded in frustration.

Brent, the guy who was in the story anyway, shook his head. "We take turns being God. Oh, and since this part has gone on for six pages, I guess it's someone else's turn.


And with a wave, a fart, and an Armageddon, someone stood in his place...

- Hedgehog X

Yeah! Writing about yourself rules! Fire!

Stefanie [...], 96.08.17

"Guys today," mutters an annoyed voice. Forming into view is a teenage girl. "My turn to play God."

The two-headed alien, Zaphod, turned and said, "Ain't you that froody cat who rules the universe with an ego bigger than me???"

The girl winks. "Yep, that's me. The name's Stef."

Kelly gets a horrified look, "Wait! You created this, didn't you?!!!! You got me in this damn thing!!!"

Stef shrugs, "Er...sorry, I was bored. Well, Zaphod, you got any PGGBs???????"

They all give her a funny look...

- Stef

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.17

Then Mika jumped in and started beating the crap out of Brent, and another guy tossed his head back and laughed hysterically.

"Shut...up...Amaroq..." Brent gagged, and then Crazy Willy started beating the crap out of him too.

Then Amaroq pulled out a Supercharge Hyperblast Megashot Retrocannon and killed them all.

- Amaroq/The Flyin' Dork

Brent Roberts, 96.08.17

[Editor's Note: This within 10 minutes of AQ's post...uh-oh, I smell another Median Effect.]

"Thank you, O Mother of the Gods, but I think we should kick the story along before Crazy Willy has a chance to become a part of it again. All of him."

Kate looked up to see Brent, who had not been waiting patiently for his turn, hovering over Kate. She slapped him. "Mother?"

"Um...girlfriend of the Gods?" Brent said meekly, receiving a backhand. "Well, I have to chase someone now that Mika's become a brat!" Suddenly a bullet from Mount Olympus whizzed past Brent's ear.

[Editor's Note: Hee hee. Can't blame Brent for that logic...]

"Okay, just do with the mortals what you will and leave!" she barked.

"Hmm...interesting. I affect female behavior to make them simulate PMS!" He threw Kate out of the story before she could whack him again, and floated toward the too-damn-many mortals in the once-sensible party.

"And now, it's time to find Kuroi Ushi! But first..." and with that he destroyed the Crazy Willy doppelgänger, and as an afterthought threw the Flyin' Dork out of the story.

"La!" the Flyin' Dork screamed as he fell out of the story.

And thus their long and undocumented search began.

Autumn changed to Winter. Winter changed to Spring. Spring changed to Summer. Summer changed back into Winter. And Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight into Autumn. Until one day, they found Kuroi Ushi's bones in the Sacred Tomb of Nameless Person. Glenn (the replacement for Brent) clenched his dentures.

"I'll never use this sword now!" he said. "Of course, with arthritis and all it would be useless whether it lit up or not."

Fenris rubbed his bald head. "Brent, can't you just make it so we knew where Kuroi is when we began the search?"

"Yeah, Papa Brent! Change the past! Pretty please!" said Billy Jr.

"Oh, hell, as long as it gets KateStory IV on the bestseller list!" And with a flash and a bang, Brent was back where he started.

Brent was standing a few yards away, destroying the clone of Crazy Willy. Then Redd said, "Where do we go now?"

At which Brent pointed in a random direction.

"You fool!" yelled Brent, and shoved Brent to the ground. "I'll handle this, you continuity-impaired God-wannabe! Go find a replacement for Glenn! No, I have a better idea!" And Brent turned Brent into a frog. "You are Glenn once more! And now, to the Sacred Tomb of the Nameless Person!"

"Where is it?" Billy inquired.

"It's right there!" Brent said, pointing to a pyramid 2 inches from his foot. "Let's go. We have a long journey ahead of us....we finally made it! The Sacred Tomb of the Nameless Person!"

Wokko groaned. "It's about time!"

"Come on, you may get arthritis!"

And so the search began anew.

- Hedgehog X

That's actually the closest anyone has come to finishing a plot twist!

Brent Roberts, 96.08.17

Suddenly a large white slash knifed between Brent and Amaroq, and the world peeled away, leaving Brent and Amaroq in darkness.

"What the hell was that?" Amaroq said in disbelief.

"The Median Effect," Brent said dismally, "the wound caused by two authors writing at the same time, whose shapings of reality don't meet eye-to-eye. Usually reality heals itself, but this time we really blew it."

"You sound like you've been here before."

"Millions of times."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, we're suspended of our godly powers until another author steps in and fixes things."

"So, Thad gets the whole bloody universe to himself?"

"As much as he can fit in six pages, yes. Unless Ashura or Kate beat him to the punch."

"Come on Ash!!! Get on!!!"

- Hedgehog X


Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.18

I haven't checked the boards since yesterday, so that may mean that I'm creating another bifurcation. Those were always fun; they made the story go in really odd directions.

"To telleth thee the truth," said Glenn after appearing out of nowhere, "nobody ever pays any attention to preceding chapters. The whole point is to have a string of completely unrelated events.

"But," the frog continued, "back to the quest at hand. I haveth a vehicle that will taketh us to the REALM OF THE GODS!"

With that, the so-called mechanically-inept amphibian withdrew a tiny electronic device from his belt, tried to key in his space-time coordinates, realized he didn't know them, and then, within ten seconds, managed to obtain them. A reasonably-sized, silver ship appeared.

"I be afraid that only three can sit in the cockpit," he murmured to whoever the hell was in his party. "I must pilot; Cyan -- really being mechanically inept, unlike mineself -- shalst stick to navigation; and Redd will be mine copilot."

"Where do the rest of us travel?" someone asked.

"Baggage," Glenn responded. "Not to worry; 'tis a magical inventory...it can hold a quantity of up to ninety-nine of any object in the universe, but no more; for example, it can holdeth ninety-nine Elixirs, ninety-nine Megalixirs, ninety-nine Hyper Ethers, ninety-nine Rainbows, and ninety-nine Mops, but it wouldst be impossible for it to hold one hundred Mops and nothing else."

- X

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.18

Woohoo! So you guys created the Median Effect, so, though I thought I might be, I really wasn't! I rule!

- X

Brent Roberts, 96.08.18

You didn't create it, but you did help it. Now no one has any idea what's going on, and the fact that you were replying to something in the middle made it even more confusing.

- Hedgehog X


Brady Hartel, 96.08.18

Hehe, I is back from the hell hole known as New Jersey (Note to Stef: I have no problem with Philly!!)

Some guy came up singing the following:

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
with a rabid wolverine in my underwear
when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing but about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
finally I recognize the face of my Hibachi dealer
who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
when I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs
and they took some Polaroids and said I was a darn good sport
and as a way of saying thank you
they offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
so I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders [KFC guy] started yelling
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

[Insert accordion interlude here]

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
when I got a nasty papercut
and, well, to make a long story short
it got infected and I died
so now I'm up in heaven with
St. Peter by the pearly gates
and it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
for all eternity
and every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong!

Then the Guyver came by and chopped off this guy's head and then we find everybody back where they were, all fine.

"Moo," said the moldy roast beef sandwich.

- Ashura

By the way, that was "Everything You Know Is Wrong" by Weird Al.

Brent Roberts, 96.08.19

Thad, Amaroq, and Brent, who were all in the Median Void waiting for someone to do something intelligent, quickly consulted with each other and came to the conclusion Ashura should be thrown into an asylum. After wrapping him in a gay jacket (for added torment), Brent spoke up:

"Since the only author left is Kate, who almost never gets on, one of us has to set things right," and so he was immediately thrown into the story. "You lazy bastards!" he raved, then got to work.

With in evil grin he reasoned: "Since Amaroq's input resulted in the end of the story, we can throw that out. And since Thad's input was somewhere in Reply 10, we can throw that out as well. In other words: I rule the universe!!!"

Suddenly Dogbert popped out of nowhere and said, "No!!! That's my job!" and disappeared in a puff of continuity.

And so the adventure continued...

"Ah, it's good to be back in the story!" Brent said, landing on the surrealistic ground. He dusted himself off and said: "Ready to go?"

"Thou betteth!" Glenn said, botching up the mode of speech for the obvious reason he was Brent's double. Brent ignored the blunder and struck a match, entering the tomb.

A few steps inside, Kelly was suddenly hit by a thief who had popped out of the wall.

"Kuroi!!!" Kelly said.

"Now we can getteth mine battery!" Glenn said impatiently.

"Right! We must go and steal the WATCH BATTERY OF THE GODS!" said Brent.

Suddenly, a nerdy => voice said from nowhere, "Hey Brent, you're a god, right? And your watch still works?"

"Thad!!!" Brent snapped.

"Get his watch, Kuroi!!!" beckoned the voice. Kuroi, a master thief, easily got the omnipotent one's watch.

"Why? How?" Brent stammered, "I'm writing this story!!!"

[Editor's Note: Hee hee...anybody ever see the play Sparks in the Park?]

"How? Simple!!! You did it yourself...because, Brent, you...are an idiot!"

"Noooooooooooooo!!! I...I banish God participation in this story!!! Hahaha <belch>" And with a flash and a fart, he was gone.

Meanwhile, Kuroi installed the watch battery into the Utterly Useless Masamune that Wouldn't Light Up, which then became the Actually Pretty Kewl Masamune that Lit Up Quite a Bit. Glenn waved the Actually Pretty Kewl Masamune that Lit Up Quite a Bit. It lit up. Quite a bit.

"And now," Glenn said, "I shall kill Brent Roberts for calling me a toad a little while back!"

And with that he ki...

- No one. I'm dead. Go away.

Stefanie [...], 96.08.19

Then, since the Median Effect was reversed, the world exploded...and in a hazy effect of light and mist they rematerialized in a room filled with music and talking.

They all gasped at the person sitting calmly at a table drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It was the other God, named Stef. She smiled and called them over.

"Welcome to Milliways, the Restaurant at the end of the Universe. And Brent...take the Masamune out of your neck!"

- Stef

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.19

And from nowhere, Amaroq appeared again since he was seemingly gone from the story.

"Damn it," he said, "this is starting to confuse me! What the hell is a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?"

"Who're you?" Fenris asked.

"I...am...your...god!!!!!!!" Amaroq screamed, and began to beat Fenris over the head with a shovel.

"That's not Ashura, AQ," Stef said.

"I don't give a crap! I'm totally pissed-off!!!!!!"


"You...you...you..." AQ stared at Brent's dead body. "You threw out the Flyin' Dork and Crazy Willy!"

With this, AQ took the shovel and chopped off Brent's head.

"Ewwwwww," Stef said, wincing.

"Speaking of 'ewww', where's Mika?"


"The bimbo brunette."

"She vanished a few minutes ago, about the same time you did."

"When I vanished, the world exploded."

Stef stared at him questioningly.

"Damn it!!!!!" AQ shouted. "Either someone get this story back in workin' order, or I'll blow y'all up again!"

And suddenly, nothing happened.

- Amaroq

"Oh no! Door!" - Beaver

Stefanie [...], 96.08.19

Stef took a deep breath and looked at Amaroq.

"Okay, a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is the best drink ever, kind of like having your head smashed into a brick wall with barb wire around it."

She holds out a glass of colorful liquid to Amaroq. "Want one?"

- Stef

"I'm now going to hurt you." - Me
"Why?" - My dad
"You have dropped the sacred Guide!!!" - Me

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.19

Hey, why was my note returned to me? Had nothing offensive in it! Unless those P* people think me turning Brent into a dishwasher is offensive. Oh well. Let me throw something together...

Amaroq stared at the glass for a minute, then looked up at Stef.

"This wouldn't happen to be the same Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster that nearly killed me in a Brawl last year, would it?"

Stef shook her head and grinned evilly, but AQ didn't notice. He gulped down the drink, blinked a few times, then exploded.

"Good God," said a familiar voice from the other side of the room. "I've gotta get a stunt double."

Yes, the voice belonged to Amaroq. The exact same Amaroq that exploded two seconds ago.

"What the...?" Stef stared at AQ a minute. "You just exploded!"

"Yeah, but take into consideration that this is called the KateStory, and so you created it, and so it's gotta be totally demented and make no sense. Or something."

"Ooookay, whatever."

"Watch!" AQ said, snapping his fingers.

Suddenly the Eiffel Tower fell on top of Stef.

AQ threw back his head and laughed like a maniac, and then suddenly, for no reason, the place just exploded.


"Or something."

Stefanie [...], 96.08.20

Stef pushed the Eiffel Tower off of her and stood up and looked at the damage from the world exploding. She then looked at Amaroq. "Idea! Let's travel to the world of Krynn!"

- Stef

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.20

"Sliders?" Amaroq asked.

"Not Quinn, you idiot!" Stef snapped. "Krynn!!!!"

AQ dropped to the floor, screaming as if someone had put a bullet through his skull. But it wasn't a bullet that was killing him. It was the word Krynn.

"What's wrong with you?" Stef asked.

"You said...the...<hack, cough>...accursed...word..."


Amaroq exploded again, then rematerialized at the other side of the room. He stared angrily at Stef, and began to fish around in his pocket for his Supercharge Hyperblast Megashot Retrocannon. Suddenly, he realized it wasn't there.

"Where's my gun?"

"Oh, that's yours?" came a voice. "You must've dropped it."

AQ screamed as he saw a kender pull the trigger of the Retrocannon.

And suddenly, someone else wrote the next part.

- Amaroq

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.20

[Editor's Note: My relationship with Brent was rather strained at this point, due to his repeatedly and remorselessly screwing up my works.]


- X

I don't think I'm going to do much more writing with a moron like you making the story even stupider than it's supposed to be!

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.20

[Editor's Note: On the other hand, I guess I decided I would write some more.]

"Ha!" came a voice. "That's nothin'!"

Suddenly, Thad appeared, holding a large, mean-looking gun.

"What the hell is the point of that?!" Amaroq asked. "Why not just bring X in? He's got that arm cannon!"

"But this," X said, cocking the weapon, "is a Kill-O-Zap."

Then, laughing maniacally, he slaughtered everybody except Glenn.

- X

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.20

"Idiot! Did you honestly think you could kill me?!" AQ shouted. "This is the KateStory!"

AQ kicked the kender (who, to his surprise, was dead, and had somehow or another come back from the dead to steal the Supercharge Hyperblast Megashot Retrocannon) and retrieved his gun.

[Editor's Note: I think he'd just finished Dragons of Summer Flame at this point...God what a depressing ending. But what's even more depressing is the new Fifth Age series...]

Thad grinned fiendishly. "Now...we see which one of us has the most powerful gun..."

"Gun, schmun," came a very high-pitched voice. From the shadows appeared a teenage girl, a shining diamond ring on her right hand.

"That...ring...!" AQ gasped. "You're..."

The girl grinned evilly. "Doesn't matter what I am. You, my friends, are toast."


With this, Thad and AQ threw down their weapons and ran out of the building.

- Amaroq

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Stefanie [...], 96.08.21

"I swear if I die one more time I'll have to file a complaint," Stef exclaims, jumping up. She turned and saw Mika. "Oh hi Mika!! Ya know we should form an alliance thing and cause total war on the guys...and we'll show 'em who's boss."

Stef, with a grin, pulls out a very large wand-shaped item with a moon on the top of it...

- Stef

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.21

Mika picked up the Kill-O-Zap and stared at it for a second. Then, with a dark, chilling, evil grin, she replied, "Sounds like a plan."

With this, the insane 15-year-old blew up the remains of Brent's body. "I've been waiting to do that. Now where's Kunie?"

[Editor's Note: Some psychopath we met in a Chatroom once. Bastard promised to join Sonic '96, but never did.]

Stef stared at the blood/intestine/brain/and a whole bunch of other crap you don't wanna know about on the floor.

Wincing, she said, "I dunno about this..."

"You get to blow them all u-up!" Mika chimed, waving around the Supercharge Hyperblast Megashot Retrocannon. Stef obviously saw the light, and graciously snatched the weapon from her.

"Hey!" came a voice. "I forgot my gun!"

Thad ran in, took one look at Mika and Stef, and froze. AQ did the same.

"Whoa! Wait a sec!" AQ shouted. "Drop it, you dumb broad!"

"You're not going to...use it, are you? Well, at least, not on us...are you?" Thad stared at Mika.

Mika grinned evilly and drummed her fingers on the gun.


"Of course not!"


Mika giggled. "I'm just a girl! What do I know? Tee-hee!"

Mika: Amaroq!
AQ: Alright, alright...now changing ending...

"You're not going to...use it, are you? Well, at least, not on us...are you?" Thad stared at Mika.

Mika ginned evilly and drummed her fingers on the gun.


"Of course not!"


Mika threw down the Kill-O-Zap. "Take it."

Thad picked up the Kill-O-Zap and cocked it.

"What're you doing?" Stef and AQ asked in unison.

"All right," Mika said, with a broad, evil grin. "It's your Kill-O-Zap..." she held up her right hand, "against my ring and fingernails."

Thad screamed.

- Amaroq

"Augh!!!!! She's got fingernails!!!!!" - Me, very, very often

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.25

Suddenly, a huge figure loomed above. The figure was human...male...but something more. Wearing a suit and tie (the tie, upon further inspection, was adorned with pictures of Mickey Mouse), levitating in the air, with a carnation in one hand, he was quite an imposing figure.

That is, until one looked at his nose. The nose quite offset the imposing qualities, and rather made him quite a laughable sight...you see, a constant stream of Mountain Dew was spewing out of it.

[Editor's Note: Inside joke.]

Still, his power was quite apparent, even as he removed a Kleenex™® from his pocket and blew his nose into it.

The only apparent weakness on his body was on his left wrist: a Sucky Watch.

"He has a Sucky Watch!" Amaroq shouted, laughing.

"Shut up!" the figure whined. "I'm only a god-in-training, and this isn't really my watch, therefore it's not really my watch battery!"

With that, he coughed a whole lot, and Amaroq was blown off-stage, rather like the Sneeze attack in FF3.

"Stage?!" Mika questioned.

"But of course," the figure responded. "I am the Announcer...and the Broadcast Official...for that matter, I'm also the Broadcast Official's Assistant, since those two were combined into one role."

Mika nodded. "I see. So this is a surreal interpretation of the play."

[Editor's Note: The Skin of Our Teeth. I was in it at that point.]

"Yep," the Announcin' Broadcast Official responded.

"Why are you sick?" Mika asked.

The god-in-training took a deep breath, hacked and coughed, then took another deep breath and spoke: "Andrea got sick, then Brian got sick, and somewhere along the line Bevin got sick too; while they were at it, I got sick too, along with Manny and Tim..." He coughed before continuing, "Even Joy got it, and probably the whole cast, and likely most of the crew."

Stef nodded in understanding.

Then, the Announcin' Broadcast Official felt the amount of Mountain Dew spewing out his nose begin to deplete. He realized the caffeine must be wearing off, so he should probably finish the note and go to bed.

- X

No doubt Brian's gotten Rene sick too, by this time. ;)
"Will you two please try and refrain from kissing, at least until the end of the show?"- Fergie, concerned, to them

Jess Rhodes, 96.08.26

And then the world exploded.

- Amaroq

...Okay, so maybe it didn't. But I'm bored. I can't think-up anything. I'm so drained...I...must...sleep...

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.08.27

"Criminy," said a voice. "His 'the world exploded' line is getting almost as redundant and annoying as my comment about 'He banged his head into [object]. Luckily, it was a magic [object], and teleported him to [place].' thing last year!"

And there stood Mega Man X, holding, at arm's length, Billy, who was trying to kill him, as he still blamed him for that "magic rain" incident that scattered his molecules across the galaxy, even though Brent wrote that part.

- X

"A jock is a person who minds his build, instead of vice-versa!" - Alfred E. Neuman

Brent Roberts, 96.09.03

[Editor's Note: Responding to my flame...]

< stupider than it's supposed to be...

Good God you're an idiot!!! The whole point of the story is supposed to be as stupid as possible!!! Why do you look for he negative side of every story?

- Hedgehog X

"We had more people looking for mistakes than actually enjoying the comics!" - Editor explaining why Marvel Comics discontinued the No-Prizes

Brent Roberts, 96.09.03

The magic rain was kewl! But seriously...

Suddenly a sound that was suspiciously like the intro to the "Alone Z" background music of Alien Soldier (a small explosion, a monster screaming like it was on fire, and a toilet flushing) erupted from the Restaurant, and the author hoped these people were supposed to be outside, 'cuz if they weren't, they were now. Several slabs of steak forming the appearance of a human ran out.

"I go to sleep und ven I vake oop I am a staike!" the slabs of steak said in a bad Freudian accent.

[Editor's Note: When did Freud get his own accent?!]

"Hi Brent," said Mega Man X.

"How did you know it was me?" said the steak.

"Because you messed that stupid accent up horribly!"

Suddenly Billy, who was supposed to be dead but somehow failed to quit moving, started attacking the startled robot.

Mega Man X spat Mountain Dew out of his nose and Billy flew off the stage, losing both his arms and a leg from the strain of moving while he was dead.

[Editor's Note: It's spewed! I don't spit Mountain Dew out my nose, I spew it out my nose! Get it right!]

"All I want to say," Brent the Steak said, "is that it is not nice to kill me like that."

Then Mika ate Brent.

And Brent couldn't figure out whether he should like it or scream in agony, and finally what passed for his head exploded. Bits of Brent got all over Mika and, since it was a magic head, Mika's head teleported.

"..." said Mika.

- Hedgehog X


Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.03

The story's supposed to be stupid, yes, but lamer than hell, no. Stupidhead. Anyway...

"I knight thee, sir Brentai!" said some king-guy who showed up when Brentai's head grew back. Brentai farted.

"Stupidhead," the king-guy said.

Brentai's stupidhead exploded. Then it grew back.

The author rolled his eyes.

- X

"What I'm saying is, all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazz man!" - Homer Simpson

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.04

And then the world exploded.

- Amaroq

Lamer than hell is right.

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.04

Brentai's head grew back.

Just then, Frog appeared, with the Utterly Useless Masamune that Wouldn't Light Up...only it wasn't so useless at that point, and it actually lit up better than ever before.

[Editor's Note: Now we've got the RL-parallel thingy going.]

"Mine name is Glenn," he said. "Cyrus's hopes and Dreams...and now the Masamune...forwith I shall slayeth Magus and restore honor!"

He held aloft the Masamune. It lit up.

Brentai liked the blue light. He wanted to get a closer look. He did. He didn't like it.

See, the blast seared the flesh off his face and turned his eyes to Jell-O. Glenn laughed. Then, a person in an apron labeled "School Cafeteria Worker" picked up what remained of Brentai's face and made it into hot dogs.

- X, once again the King O' Watches With Those Little Blue Lights

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.04

"So? You think you're bad with that sword, do you?" came a voice. It wasn't high-pitched like Mika's (in fact, Mika was looking at her reflection in a frying pan and fixing her hair), and it wasn't scratchy like Amaroq's, but it struck fear into both of them so much that Mika dropped the frying pan.

A CLANG was heard echoing throughout the silence. Then, a FWOP as AQ was socked across the room by a pillow. Mika ducked the swing at her own head, and countered by pinning the maniac who had attacked her to the ground.

Little did Mika know that her attacker was her best friend.

"Candy!" Mika shouted.

With a swing of her pillow, Candy knocked Mika clear across the room, and back into AQ (who just so happened to be getting up at that exact same moment, causing him to stumble and slip in the remains of Brentai and send both he and his moronic girlfriend to the floor).

"Thou art skilled in thy weaponry," Frog murmured.

The reply wasn't in words, but in a really weird expression that AQ and Mika were very familiar with.

"Yeah. Whatever," Candy swung her pillow and knocked the frog to Kingdom Come. Actually, it was really only about 15 feet back, but let's leave it at Kingdom Come.

AQ rubbed his forehead and gazed wearily up at his sister. "Uh...Candy..."

Candy whirled around and stared at him.

AQ continued, "I didn't...do...anything..."

"So?" Candy shrugged. "Time for a review, dear brother. What three things do I care about?"

"You, your problems, your friends, your own life..."

[Editor's Note: Your highly developed math skills...]

"And what three things don't I care about?"

"Me, my petty problems, my friends, my life..."

Mika sat up and blinked, a common sign that she had no idea what was going on, but she was going to comment anyway.

"Candy, I'm your friend!"

Candy sat in thought for a minute, studying the floor to her left, and eventually replied, "So?" and with another swing of her pillow knocked both AQ and Mika back to the floor.

- Amaroq

Based on actual events. Candy hits hard with pillows.

Brent Roberts, 96.09.05

Suddenly Brent appeared out of nowhere, floating in the air, and looked at the remains of Brentai.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"Brentai," came a voice, since everyone was dead as far as Brent was concerned.

"And who's Brentai?"

"You are!"

Brent thought this over and tried to kick the voice.

"Dumb!@#$%^&*," he mumbled, and reflected that it seemed to be a lot better than "stupidhead". He said it again, and disappeared before something else that was pointless and lacking in humor happened.

- Hedgehog X

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.05

And then the world exploded.

- Amaroq

Brent Roberts, 96.09.05

Meanwhile, Brent had successfully warped his way back into Milliways and gazed at the world exploding, wondering what significance it could have since everyone in the story was in the middle of space. Sighing, he watched as the Universe came to an end, and then stepped out into the void.

"Good," he grumbled, "Perhaps I can start again with a storyline that's actually funny."

He called together the gods and...

Someone else wrote the next part.

- Brent


Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.05

"Well met, Majesty," the newly-revived (uhhh...was he killed? I could give a sheet less...) frog said, bowing to Candy.

"Dammit," she responded. "It's no fun slaughtering someone who considers me royalty."

"So," Glenn said, "what doth we do now? Mine quest is at an end, and, though funny, it be getting rather annoying to have this story going absolutely nowhere. Even back in its third incarnation (subtitled 'Searching for a Plot'), it didst have somewhat of a storyline."

Candy shrugged and said, "Beats the hell outta me."

Frog snapped his fingers. "I hath got it!" he exclaimed. "There be a plot, after all! The world doth keepeth exploding...we must fixeth this problem!"

And so, with that, Candy disappeared and Glenn was joined by the traditional team: Kelly and Billy, a pair of confused Earthlings; Mega Man X, a specialist in creating magical transportation objects; Kate, the mystic who started the whole business until it got terribly out of her control; and Hedgehog X, her brother who, between changing shape and calling forth the wrath of the Ego Trip Squad...well, actually, other than that, he basically had no purpose whatsoever. Of course, the group wouldn't be complete without new members: Sir Glenn (who I'm not about to write out), The Flyin' Dork (Amaroq needs a representative), and...uhhh...I'll let Chris write in his own representative when he shows up. =)

- X

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.06

[Editor's Note: Now responding to Brent...]

Whoops. Looks like I almost caused the Median Effect again. Luckily, my story doesn't conflict with yours. =)

- X

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.06

The Flyin' Dork and Crazy Willy are no fun to write about. I'll stick with...ummmm...damn it, why can't I be myself?!

- Amaroq

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.06

<Shrugs> Fine with me. I've got myselves; Brent's got HX...=)

- X

Brent Roberts, 96.09.07

The gods entered the story again at that minute.

"Thanks, little Boyd blue," Brent said, grinning. He ducked in case something flew at him, as if it didn't all the time. "And now, on with the story!"

"And what are we doing in it?" Amaroq asked, making them all disappear in a puff of logic.

"Bastarrrrrd..." Brent's voice cried, and faded away.

"Hmm..." HX mumbled, "That was pointless. Well, let's go. Except...before we go, could you answer one question for me?"

"What be it, thou noble purple freak?"

"What, exactly, am I doing here?" And suddenly, just to make things interesting, the nonexistent gods turned Hedgehog X into a candy machine.

"Not again!" screamed Billy.

"Uh... what is it?" Kelly asked.

"He's been turned back into...Maleophonix!!!"

"The horror!" Glenn screamed, not knowing who Maleophonix even was. Billy rounded on the frog.

"Shut up, you stupid amphibian."

Maleophonix looked up to the sky, "If you do not turn me back into a hedgehog, I'll sing your realm down!"

Nothing happened.


Then the world exploded.

"Aha! That be it!" Glenn cried out. "He's the one!" He drew the Actually Pretty Kewl Masamune that Lights Up Quite a Bit.

Maleophonix shut up. The world exploded anyway.

"Or not," Glenn said, sheathing the Actually Pretty Kewl Masamune that Lit Up Quite a Bit. "Let us be off!"

And everyone walked into the sunset.

"Aagghh!!! Too close!!!" Billy screamed, catching on fire. Everyone returned to the random detail-less area they were at and stopped, dropped and rolled.

"Okay, other way!" Glenn cried. They all went the other way and fell off the face of what was left of the world, except Maleophonix who was just a stupid singing candy machine.

"Hey!" he bawled, "Wait uuuuuuuuup..." Then the world exploded and he was killed by the shrapnel.

- Hedgehog X

Thaddeus Boyd, 96.09.08

Luckily, Thad had accidentally written The Flyin' Dork into the story and forgotten to write him out. Mega Man X had taken advantage of that fact by grabbing hold of TFD, but unfortunately he was having difficulty supporting the robot's weight.

So, X did the only plausible thing he could: Beat the hell out of TFD and then copy his ability.

X swooped down, saved Glenn and Kate, and left Billy, Kelly, and TFD to fall endlessly through space unless the last happened to regain consciousness.

Reaching the planet again, they were just in time to watch a giant foot crush Maleophonix, who had disobeyed one of Thad's laws: never, ever sing an Alanis song, because you won't sing it right.

- X, hoping I'm correct in assuming The Flyin' Dork can actually fly

Brent Roberts, 96.09.08

Unfortunately, The Flyin' Dork couldn't fly, and everybody who had survived those last two replies fell into a plot hole. Then everybody was restored to their original selves since the plot wouldn't go anywhere without some heroes, except for Maleophonix who had been killed twice and couldn't do anything anyways, since he was just a stupid candy machine. The search continued (oh, and the world exploded of course).

Seven years later...

"Okay, we should all commence immediate discussion."

Fifty years later...

"Okay, we have a plan, let's go!" Then they all died of a heart attack.

Then a hole opened up in the plot and Brent fell in, since Mega Man X couldn't die of a heart attack.

Then someone else finally wrote the next part and hopefully kicked the plot along.

- Hedgehog X, master of stopping plots dead

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.09

Geez. This is getting even more corny than DD. I thought that wasn't possible.

- Amaroq

Thad Boyd, 96.09.09

It's supposed to be corny, stupidhead! It can be anything except lamer than hell!

So, anyway...

X was annoyed. He was very annoyed.

Kate was annoyed. She was very annoyed.

Glenn was annoyed. He was very annoyed. In fact, he was so annoyed (and so unfamiliar with the adventuring in KateStories) that he banged his head against a wall.

Unfortunately for the trio, it was, of course, a magic wall.

The magic wall teleported them to a strange world where basically all that was happening was a whole bunch of "Weird Al" Yankovic's songs were playing.

There, they met Kelly and Billy, whose fall had been broken by a magic nuclear warhead. Needless to say, Billy tried to kill X.

- X

Jess Rhodes, 96.09.09

And then that world exploded.

- Amaroq

Thad Boyd, 96.09.10

"There it goeth again," Glenn muttered. "I thought we couldst avoid that when we left that other world, but apparently this one hath the same problem."

"I've got it!" X gasped. "Here's the deal: this continual explosion of the world is getting damn near the 'lamer than hell' level, meaning one or two more times and it'll be forced to stop happening."

Everyone nodded, generally saying that was a good point.

- X

Translation: Please post more than single-sentence chapters.

Brent Roberts, 96.09.11

And at that the world exploded.

And it sucked.

- Hedgehog X

(It was lame, but funny!) =D

Created 04.03.28
Uploaded 04.04.01
Last Updated 04.04.04