Subject: KateStory IX: Third Anniversary Extravaganza! -- The Beginning. =) From: Thad Boyd Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 18:19:01 -0700 All right, I hate to sully this hallowed event by adding rules at the beginning, but some people just don't have common sense about good netiquette, so here goes: 1. PLEASE at least skim through the compilation of previous KateStories on my homepage ([ http://www.corporate-sellout.com/katestory/ ]) so you have some semblance of an idea of what's going on. Oh yeah, and the little "advisory/rating" thingy applies to this, too. Little bit o' objectionable material, mainly some foul language. So kids, don't use foul language, and stuff. 2. If at all possible, use "Reply-To-All's". The reasons for this are as follows: * I'm not going to be the only one sending these off, and if you do a "Reply To Sender Only" on, say, a chapter by Brent, we're in trouble. =) * I'd like to edit a post all at once, instead of once for spelling/grammar and once for cosmetics (ie HTML and whatnot for the ultimate compilation). * If one person (ie, me) is responsible for forwarding these along, he (I use the male pronoun because IT WOULD BE ME, not because I'm a male chauvinist pig) might be tempted to try and prevent Median Effects, and it wouldn't be a KateStory without Median Effects. =7 3. NO MAJOR FF7 SPOILERS. Try not to use too many severe spoilers from ANYTHING, but LEAST of all FF7. If anyone here wanted to know all the keypoints of the plot, they'd've glanced at the first half-dozen entries on alt.games.final-fantasy. 4. If you're going to unsubscribe (God forbid), send a message to ME, NOT the whole list. If you spam the whole list to prevent yourself from getting spam, I WILL make you suffer. 5. In the same vein: If you're going to unsubscribe, DON'T JUST USE THE WORD "UNSUBSCRIBE", because I WON'T DO IT. You have to specify whether you want to be kept off both Sonic lists (on-topic and this one, off-topic), just off-topic, or be kept on off-topic but not be sent any KateStory entries. 6. DON'T PANIC! =D And now, without further ado... KateStory IX: Third Anniversary Extravaganza It was a typical, cheerful day. Meteor floated lazily in the sky, bringing all life's annihilation closer with every inch. It was the sort of thing that made one want to have a picnic. A lone Chocobo rider, however, was, unlike his fellows, NOT on a picnic. He was riding a Chocobo. Alone. The rider was, on inspection, a SOLDIER-in-training, as characterized by the standard blue armor and visored helmet of a Shinra officer, only with a cape flowing behind it. The rider clearly wasn't quite at SOLDIER level yet, however, as his weapon was a mere dagger -- albeit a rather ornate one that would have never found itself on an ordinary Shinra officer -- and his armlet was made of mithril -- an extravagant and hard-to-come-by metal, to be sure, but incapable of holding more than two linked Materia. The two Materia it happened to hold, at this point, were yellow and red; his single-slotted dagger held a green. The only thing on his person that could have been found on a full-fledged SOLDIER was a ring he was wearing. As it is even more of a plot device than the above-mentioned, I'll not get into what kind of ring it was at this point. The Temple was in a wide-open clearing, actually, but due to a mystic field surrounding it, it presented the feeling to its visitors of being enclosed. Mystic alterations of visitors' senses were what the Temple was all about. The Statues were, themselves, strange objects whose appearance varied depending on one's perception. At the forefront of them was a statue of Stefanie [...] hoisting a copy of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy; she was flanked on her left side by Thad Boyd holding a copy of Final Fantasy 6 (with the number "3" on it crossed off), and on her left was the Statue of Brent Roberts, hoisting a cow skyward. Behind her were the Lesser Gods, headed by Justin Barber and Jess Rhodes, but they're not even remotely important at this point so I'm not going to make up whatever it was they were holding yet. Yet, when one moved a step, or blinked, or simply willed it to be so, the Statues' appearance changed. Stefanie [...] with the Guide became Kate Chaos with her flaming green hand; Brent Roberts with the cow was Hedgehog X hoisting Maleophonix the Singing Candy Machine; Thad Boyd with FF6 was suddenly Mega Man X saluting with his X-Buster. It was to this last that the aforementioned Chocobo rider rode. Stepping off the Chocobo (which was named HoJu), he reached for his saddlebag and withdrew a can of spraypaint, which he proceeded to shake up. Then, after doing the Evil Villain Cape Thing, he proceeded to spraypaint a mustache on the X Statue. "FREEZE!" screamed a voice. The SOLDIER-in-training whirled and found himself staring down the barrel (if one can call it that) of a homemade flame-thrower which was composed of a cigarette lighter on a stick. "Gi-Girard!" our hero stammered. "I thought you were on a picnic!" "Everything cooked real quick when I held it above my hair," Girard screamed. Then, back to business, the Flaming-Haired One pulled sheathed his Girard Gun to pull out a notebook and a pen. "Hmmmm...doing Evil Villain Cape Thing without being an evil villain...defacing one of the Statues...one of the Three, no less!" he screamed. "Grievous crimes. Punishment...GIRARDATION!" "How do you propose to punish ME, you fool?!" the SOLDIER-in-training responded. "HELLO! SEE THE CAPE?! I OUTRANK YOU, BUDDY!" "I'm a general in the Evil Army!" Girard screamed. "Not in THIS reality you aren't! You're looking for Post-Apocalyptic Circus Midgets!" With that, he drew his dagger. Girard looked at the trainee as if he had just asked for a fried weasel on a bun. Then, he screamed, "Resisting arrest, are we?" and drew his Girard Gun again. "FLAME THROWER!" screamed Girard. He stuck his Girard Gun up his nose and then proceeded to blow fire out of it. The SOLDIER-in-training laughed as the attack was neutralized...by the Fire Ring he wore. That's when Girard realized he was in deep shit. "I'M IN DEEP SHIT!" he shouted. The caped one nodded evilly, then invoked his OWN Yellow Materia -- Steal. "ARGH! MY MATERIA'S GONE!" Girard shrieked as his opponent took his Girard Gun -- and its Materia with it. "You only had fire attacks ANYWAY!" the rookie pointed out. "I had an Enemy Skill and a Fire!" Girard responded. "Mmmm-hmmm, and the only attack on the Enemy Skill was Flame Thrower, and I'm wearing a Fire Ring," the SOLDIER-to-be responded. "BUT I HADN'T USED MY FIRE MATERIA YET TO SEE IF *IT* WORKED!" Girard responded. Seeing there was no getting through to him, the dude with the visor invoked his Red (Summon) Materia: Mogo/Choc. Immediately, a Chocobo riding Mog burst into the Temple and crushed Girard, sending him off through the reality nexus to a completely different place. Girard gasped. Before him was something pinkish. He leapt at it, realizing that his adversary had sent him to the location of the evil object he had so long sought... "..." said the space where X used to be before he disintegrated. "..." responded the space where HX used to be before he disintegrated. "...!" said the space where, a second later, X inexplicably returned. "...?" queried the space where, a second later, HX inexplicably returned...without his armor. "Your armor's gone," X pointed out, and happily returned the slappage he had received from HX shortly before the travel that had caused their disintegration. HX's mind was too horror-filled to focus on warding off the slaps. His mind was on their horrific location...CASTLE CHAOS. AGAIN. Eventually, X realized this too, and slowly calmed down his slapping of HX until, gradually, it ceased. The both of them gaped at their "host" -- LOGIC. "Okay boys, you've torn the space-time continuum to shreds, torn ME to shreds, torn YOURSELVES to shreds..." "All in a day's work," X said with a grin. "...and now Girard has the Ultimate Destructive Materia." X and HX gaped. Here was such a terrible prospect that they might not forget about it in the next chapter...MIGHT not. HoJu stopped at the house. His rider dismounted and rang the doorbell. A rather attractive redhead opened the door for him. "Take off your helmet," she said in a sultry voice. He did so. She slapped him. Repeatedly. "OW!" he screamed. "What the hell was THAT for?!" "YOU'VE COME HERE TO BRING ME INTO ANOTHER KATESTORY!" she screeched. "How did you...?" "Take a wild guess, Billy," she responded. "Ummmm, all right. We can be imbued by the authors with whatever knowledge they want us to have?" She slapped him again. "That was RHETORICAL," she said. "Dammit Kelly! I can't help but say what I'm saying! I'm just a character in a KateStory!" "So am I! I can't help but slap you!" And then they suddenly reached an understanding and looked deep into each-other's eyes and Thad decided against including a Gratuitous Sex Scene, so Billy just proceeded to brief her. "Kelly...Girard has received the Ultimate Destructive Materia." "NO," Kelly gasped. "Not HIM. Not the..." "I'm afraid so, Kelly," Billy said. "Girard has...the Pink Balloon." Subject: KateStory IX: The Evil Dr. Wily's Pascal Class From: Stephen Tramer Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 21:13:11 -0700 It was a typical day in Pascal. Justin was sitting around picking his nose, Stoner Guy was sitting around being stoned, and Steve was rooting through source code and reading programming books like mad, trying to figure out how the hell to get his copy of NNBR (Not-Not Battle Royale) to work. Scott was off in the corner mumbling something to Evil-Brent (Not the God Brent Roberts, but a meer pseudo-Brent that didn't know how to program and couldn't even fathom half the not-logic [this being a KateStory and all] behind NNBR). For no apparent reason, there was a pink baloon floating in the corner of the room that nobody was paying attention to, and Other-Girard (the one from the continuity that Steve happens to be writing now) was just sort of drooling at it, the flames from his hair licking at the ceiling and blackening it a bit. It was blackening. A bit. So everybody was just sort of sitting there and mindlessly blabbering about something when the evil and twisted Dr. Wily walked into the room, looking rather evil and twisted. "You're looking rather evil and twisted today, sir," Steve said, half-looking up from his little programming book called 'How to make silly pointless games' (written, incidentaly, by Brenton Roberts). "Thank you, smartass boy," the evil and twisted Dr. Wily said, looking around. He was getting senile in his old years, and was running out of ideas for evil and twisted robots to help take over the world, so he had his Pascal students make them for him. "So, what do you pathetic children have for me today?" The Stoner Guy, up to this point forgotten by the author for no readily apparent reason, waved his hand around wildy. "Like, me, dude!" "You! Stoner Guy! Show me your evil and twisted robot!" Dr. Wily said, pointing at Stoner Guy. Stoner guy got up, and his pants nearly falling off, walked over to a corner of the room oposite the pink balloon, unveling a machine that looked like a giant bong. In fact, that's what it was. "It's, like, Bong Dude. He like, smokes up and stuff." Stoner Guy said. He flipped a big ugly switch on the side of the thing, and it came to life, immediately apprehending the Stoner Guy. "You're under arrest for possession of illegal substances," it said, "come with me, sonny." Stoner Guy looked shocked, and Steve laughed like the twisted demon he was, his healthy pale-while face looking rather evil. And twisted. "He-he. You shouldn't copy my code, Stoner Guy," he said, still laughing as the machine dragged the poor fool off. Dr. Wily shrugged. "Ok, who's next?" he asked, looking twisted and evil. Steve compensated by looking just as much so, only with the sort of sadistic glint that only authors of stupid little stories like this one can have. "Me! Me!" Steve said, dropping his book and jumping up and down. Dr. Wily pointed at him. "You, smartass boy," he commanded, "show me your twisted and evil machine." Steve got up and walked over to another corner oposite of the room, and unveiled his machine. "It's Dr. Wily Man!" he proclaimed in a tiwsted and evil way, "He makes programming students do stupid, pointless exercisises and build twisted and evil robots!" Dr. Wily cackled. "You got an A for this semester. That's the most twisted and evil thing I've seen." he said. Then he pointed at Other-Girard, a personal favorite of his to pick on. "You! Other-Girard! Show me your machine!" Everybody wondered why Dr. Wily called Girard Other-Griard, but then they remembered that this was a KateStory, and thus made no sense whatsoever. Other-Girard just pointed at the pink balloon. "That's it. I didn't build anything, so I brought in this balloon I found in my locker this morning." Girard gasped. Before him was something pinkish. He leapt at it, realizing that his adversary had sent him to the location of the evil object he had so long sought...IT WAS THE PINK BALLOON!!! Other-Girard screamed, and beat Girard with his flaming hair. "That's my pink balloon!" "No, it's MINE! It's the Ultimate Destructive Materia!" Girard screamed, beating back with his own flaming hair, "I'm the leader of the Evil Army!" "Moronhead!" Steve yelled, "That's in PACM!" He then checked off a little box on a sheet of paper that mysteriously appeared in his hand. "Only five more plugs to go," he mumbled. "Girard, that's the Black Materia you want," Scott said. He had been playing a little too much FF7 lately, as was easily indicated by the fact he was dressed as Sephiroth...only with orange hair. "No it's not! It's the Pink Balloon!" Girard said, and beat Scott with his flaming hair. While all this confusion was going on, Dr. Wily slowly slunk away to his secret headquarters, where he could think of more evil and twisted things to do, and maybe take this 'Ultimate Destructive Materia' away from this Girard that wasn't Other-Girard... From: Thad Boyd Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 21:50:56 -0700 Heh heh. Now you guys know what I have to deal with when I edit Steve's stories. =) "Haven't you ever played Suikoden?" a voice in the corner asked Scott quietly. It was a soft voice, simultaneously dark and gentle, thus giving Scott a really odd vision of a hybrid Ben Kenobi/Magus entity. "G...Girard? Since when could YOU read? Y...you're INCAPABLE of playing something like Suikoden!" "I am NOT the one you call Girard," the figure responded, rather angrily. "Point one: FACIAL HAIR. I sincerely doubt HE will ever have any. Point TWO: my eyes are vacant in that they have no pupils, not vacant as in uncomprehending. Point THREE: my hair is NOT on fire; that's the mark that has stayed on me ever since my...unfortunate transformation to energy. My name is..." "Hey, I haven't read that issue yet, moronhead!" Steve shouted, silencing him. The two Girards were still duking it out. Dr. Wily Man, who had been left behind when Dr. Wily returned to his fortress, watched the scuffle with little interest, seeing that they were incapable of doing each-other any real harm. "Oh YEAH?!" Girard shouted at Other-Girard. "Well, I still have something you don't...ONE MORE MATERIA!" He held up his wrist, on which he had a one-slot bangle. "Eat...PRE-EMPTIVE?! WHY THE HELL AM I CARRYING AROUND A PRE-EMPTIVE?!" Other-Girard took that moment to pounce on him. Flailing madly, Girard managed to hit the Pink Balloon to the other end of the room, where it managed to hit the control band worn by the man who had been talking to Scott. "Oh, NO!" he (the guy who had been talking to Scott) gasped, as both Girards and the Pink Balloon disappeared. "...So what are we going to do about it?" Kelly asked. "We need intergalactic contact," Billy responded. "Maybe we can reach Hedgehog X. Or Kate. Or that frog dude. Or that guy with the chain. Or that psycho guy with the funky accent who thought he was my dad. Or that treasure-hunter Japanese guy. Or Mykingdomforanose. Or Anticlimax. Or that dork who thought he could fly. Or LOGIC." Kelly noted Billy's slander of X with irritance. "You KNOW we're going to end up with X. This IS a KateStory." Billy swore. "Fine then, let's try ANYWAY. Kel, fire up your innerroseter..." From: Mr. "Bob" [NOTE: This is Brent. This is your only reminder.] Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 15:08:33 -0700 Organization: Shut up. Oh God... I feel a disturbace [FFMQ Final Battle Theme begins to play for some reason] Like... oh no, it IS... a KATESTORY!!! [interlude stops, battle begins, etc.] "Billy, do you hear something like... background theme music?" "Yes... it's horrible! It's catchy and outdated and annoying and soothing all at the same time! Make it stop! Make it stop!" "You guys don't like Final Fantasy Mystic Quest music?" asked a hurt voice. "HELL no!" Kelly cried, her head about to explode. The grayfurred creature who had for no apparanet reason appeared with Tristam's Theme playing behind him shrugged and growled, "Well then suffer, you stupid mortals," and grabbed them both by the wrist. "What ARE you doing?" Billy growled. "I'm a character written into this story for no reason. Call me, uh, Glitch, yeah, cool. Anyone know what this is?" He pulled out a pistol with a small flame coming out of it. "Yeah, Girard had that thing up his nose I think," Billy answered, "It's, like, a flamethrower or a..." "Girard Gun. It told me." "It WHAT?" "Its name is Fred." Billy shrugged, "NOW what do we do?" Glitch looked crosseyed at the ground, "Stand, um, 2 steps to your left." Kelly and Billy shrugged and did so. "Now wait... and..." Kelly and Billy were both hit by falling Girards. Glitch took the Pink Balloon [Bum bum BUUUUM!] and laughed like... well, Glitch really. X and HX suddenly had the same thought, which was that they were not having any thoughts. "Like, what were we supposed to remember last chapter?" X said. "Dunno," HX said. LOGIC sighed, "Girard has the Pink Balloon." "Fome," X and HX said. HX looked at X, "X, why do you have Macarena's skirt on your head?" Hedgehog X the Epitome of Nothing From: Stephen Tramer Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 16:16:41 -0700 After the Pink Balloon and the two Girards had dissapeared, the guy who had been talking to Scott also decided to do so, since Steve hadn't read that ish of whatever comic Thad was talking about in the next-to-last bit yet. Dr. Wily Man was still just standing there, and eventualy he screamed as best as he could, which was very well. "All of you stupid loser people open up your horribly written and uninformitive Pascal books to page 3-42! We're going to learn how to do for do loops now!" he yelled, and then he vanished in a puff of logic, because the author belived that this was convenient. Then the world exploded. Girard and Other-Girard were still fighting, and Billy and Kelly were starting to feel rather uncomforable situated underneath the squabbling morons. "Oh yeah?!?" Other-Girard screamed, "Well...well...you're...ME! Yeah!" Girard looked shocked. "How DARE you insult me like that!" he yelled, and took to beating Other-Girard about the head with his hair again. Off somewhere in the distance, Glitch was busy laughing like hell, playing a game of 'Go Fish' with Fred. "Kelly, why does this stuff always happen to US and not the authors?" Billy asked, shoving Other-Girard off of him. Kelly shoved Girard off of her and shrugged. "Maybe because they're lazy and egotistical?" she asked, semi-rethoricly. Glitch was still busy laughing, idly tugging on the string of the Pink Balloon as he asked Fred if he had any fives. "I know!" said Billy, jumping up and down, "Let's go find that frog guy, whatsisname! I'm sure that he could make this story more interesting...maybe even give it a bit of a plot!" "Like with that Utterly Useless Massamune That Wouldn't Light Up bit back in..umm...KateStory VII?" Kelly asked, scratching her head and wondering how she knew the title of that perticular KateStory, as well as it's number. "Umm...YEAH!" Billy bounced up and down, and so the two of them set off in search of that frog guy, Whatsisname. From: Thad Boyd Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 19:22:47 -0700 Stephen Tramer wrote: > "Like with that Utterly Useless Massamune That Wouldn't Light Up bit > back in..umm...KateStory VII?" Kelly asked, scratching her head and > wondering how she knew the title of that perticular KateStory, as well > as it's number. > "Umm...YEAH!" Billy bounced up and down, and so the two of them set > off in search of that frog guy, Whatsisname. Suddenly, Thad descended on Steve and...did what happens at the end of CD 1 to him. If you don't know what happens at the end of CD 1, suffice to say it's Something Bad. "YOU...USED...THE...WRONG...FORM...OF...'ITS'!" he said through gritted teeth as he stared at Steve with burning intensity, then disappeared as pointlessly as he had come. "Let's fire up the ol' Innerosseter!" Billy said. Kelly nodded and hit the "on" button. Suddenly, an image of a guy in a green costume appeared in the shimmery hunk of cheese that was the Innerosseter's projecter. "LA!" screamed the figure, and jumped back. "DAMN!" Billy shouted. "We got the wrong guy from Part VII!" The Flyin' Dork ran off, out of their line of vision, screaming "LA!", and soon a group of figures were gathered in the Innerosseter's view-thingy. "Why hahv you contacted the Post-Apocal-yiptic Circus Meejits?" asked a short fellow with a funny hat. "I WEEL KEECK YOU IN THE BALLS!" shouted a fellow behind him, who was dressed like a ninja. Hastily, Billy turned the Innerosseter off. "SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE, DAMMIT!" X responded to HX's query. "I mean...DAMMIT!" He reached up and vaporized Macarena's skirt. He didn't know how a dance had managed to become a living individual, but he thought wearing her skirt on his head was probably a Bad Thing. "I mean...what the hell are you TALKING about?! I'm not wearing Macarena's skirt on my head!" HX slapped him. X slapped him back. Suddenly, an airship flew by, which was pretty odd considering they were in Castle Chaos. A rope was dropped; X climbed it and HX followed. "You guys all right?" Amaroq queried. "My cheeks hurt a bit," X responded. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 17:58:32 -0700 Why do I smell a Median Effect coming? No one is on, are they? No. Okay, whatever. I'm paranoid. Actually, I'm manically depressed. "What happened to Steve?" Justin asked, taking his finger out of his incredibly small nose and wondering how the hell he got into another of these damn stories. The Witness Protection Program had promised him he wouldn't end up in another one. Damn them. "Um... something bad," Stoner Guy said. "Which is?" "How the !@#$ should I know? Want some weed?" Just then Dr. Wily came back into the room seeing as how his replacement had spontaneously exploded (well, it disappeared really, but exploded sounds cooler). He took the weed from Stoner Guy, "Very good, Stoner Guy. This weed is very twisted and evil." "Thanks, do I get an A?" "No, I'm twisted and evil so you get an F." Justing growled, "Man, do you, like, ever say a line without the words 'twisted and evil'?" Dr. Wily paused for a moment, then said, "Twisted and evil." "Thought not." "Dammit, X, I had the skirt next," HX suddenly cried out when they had settled in on Amaroq's airship. He reached into his Thing(TM) and pulled out a background music adjuster knob, which magically cranked up the Highwind theme that was playing out of nowhere. "I thought you hated this music," X pointed out. HX replied by keecking X in the balls until they were twisted and evil, which was weird because X didn't have... didn't he? Oh my... Then the airship shimmered out of nonexistance, leaving LOGIC alone which was just fine with him. And Castle Chaos disappeared forever due to negligence. Because the 2 Girards were preoccupied Glitch decided he could demonstrate the power of the Pink Balloon. He tied the string to the spectral cheese known as the Innerosseter and pressed the 'on' button, but there really wasn't one so he took out a big knife and cut the cheese. That turned it on. Glitch turned to Kelly and Billy, "I was sent here by the Brentai to help you on your quest... in the most painful way possible. I will leave you when I am finished." With that, he adjusted the cheese a little. The cheese flashed. The balloon flashed. Brentai flashed, and everyone went blind. Billy and Kelly did something when nobody was watching, but the author decided not to tell you. When everyone regained their vision, there was an airship in the viewscreen. And then it was there. Hedgehog X *flash* From: Thad Boyd Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 19:18:38 -0700 > When everyone regained their vision, there was an airship in the > viewscreen. And then it was there. At that moment, Fred won the game against Glitch. Performing what passes for an evil grin for a Girard Gun, it leapt up, put the Pink Balloon in one of its slots, and flew to Girard's hand. Grinning evilly, he suddenly teleported out of there, just as the oncoming Highwind plowed into the spot where he had just stood...and thusly into Other-Girard. Other-Girard was impaled, and splattered more blood on the Highwind than his body could have possibly held. The passengers of the Highwind, as well as Billy, were very upset when that blood got on the damn-near-naked woman painted on the ship's portside. "Wait a minute!" said AQ. "X, take me up there." X took AQ up to Other-Girard's body, which was, oddly enough, more or less still in one piece. X peeled it off, and AQ gasped. "Y...you're not Other-Girard! You're..." There was a chorus of, "Jojo the Flipping Elf!" "They better pay me quintuple for this," Jojo remarked in a pinched voice. "Well...what the hell happened to Other-Girard?!" From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 08:05:08 -0800 Thad Boyd wrote: > "They better pay me quintuple for this," Jojo remarked in a pinched voice. > > "Well...what the hell happened to Other-Girard?!" "I ATE HIM!!!" Hedgehog X cried out. For good measure he then walked over and ate JoJo. Incessent swearing cried out from HX's stomach. "Jeez," Amaroq whispered in admiration, "I've never seen his mouth get so big." "You've never seen him rant," X replied half-audibly. It was, however, loud enough for Billy to hear, and he instinctively did the Evil Villian Cape Thing and leapt upon X, hanging off him and foaming at the mouth while trying frantically to spraypaint a mustache on him. Other-Girard girarded Billy but nothing happened. Kelly slapped Billy but nothing happened. X threatened to make it rain, and Billy slank back into a corner and cried. HX and Amaroq sorta stood there and shrugged. Glitch was somewhere a mile off cursing. Then something happened. Hedgehog X "Yeah." From: Stephen Tramer Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 10:23:50 -0700 And then the something that happened, happened. Steve appeared for no readily apparent reason (except for the fact that he was writing this bit), carrying a Magic Black Toaster with him. Then he banged everybody's head against it, and the next thing they knew, they were all somewhere that wasn't where they were in the last bit. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 09:46:53 -0800 They were all in Pascal class. "MRMPH (twisted and evil)!" said Dr. Wily, who they had all fallen on. And that's all he wrote. Cow X From: Thad Boyd Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 12:22:38 -0700 X was very upset by his inability to harm humans, because Wily had caused his predecessor a great deal of pygalgia. In fact, he was downright perturbed. AQ was, if possible, even more perturbed than X. He had been separated from the Highwind, with its rather nice, artful appearance, and its lethal cargo... Aboard the Highwind, said cargo stirred. He screamed unholily (which SHOULD be a word), broke the chains that held him in place, and began to swing them evilly. He let fly a howl of, "EAT SHIT AND DIE!" HoJu, who had been forgotten all this time, sat out front of what was left of Kelly's house and shivered. From: Stephen Tramer Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 18:11:13 -0700 This guy was, quite obviously, Crazy Willy. He ran around the Highwind and proceeded to beat the crap out of whoever was left on board, which consisted of a roast beef sandwich and some of the other characters left over from part VII that had been ignored. Dr. Wily was also rather perturbed. He was also twisted and evil, but we already know that. He didn't like it when things materialized in his classroom. He liked it even less when one of them looked like a robot that had caused him a great deal of trouble. Then Steve smacked the bastard upside the head with his Magickal Black Toaster and made him dissapear. Unfortuantely, he was replaced by Crazy Willy, who proceeded to beat the crap out of everybody. 999 From: Thad Boyd Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 18:59:39 -0700 All right, note to everyone subscribing: Binx has unsubscribed. Just a reminder: the KateStory is not for those with heart conditions. ;) Seriously, though, it's too bad she couldn't contribute, but we've got a much more humorouser replacement: our old buddy Havoc! Stephen Tramer wrote: > Dr. Wily was also rather perturbed. He was also twisted and evil, but > we already know that. He didn't like it when things materialized in his > classroom. He liked it even less when one of them looked like a robot > that had caused him a great deal of trouble. Then Steve smacked the > bastard upside the head with his Magickal Black Toaster and made him > dissapear. Unfortuantely, he was replaced by Crazy Willy, who proceeded > to beat the crap out of everybody. Suddenly, there was a shout of, "I WEEL KEECK YOU EEN THE BALLS!" and a dark form descended from the skylight, which a few thought odd, considering the building had never had a skylight before. "EAT SHIT AND DIE!" Crazy Willy screamed at his nemesis, the Moron Ninja. Suddenly, there was a loud thud as The Flyin' Dork plowed headfirst into Crazy Willy in a vain attempt to fly. This caved Willy's head into his neck. "EESHEE MM I!" screamed a muffled voice from under The Flyin' Dork's head. Suddenly, with a loud "POP!", The Flyin' Dork was propelled back out through the skylight, actually flying for the second time in his life. Glaring at each-other angrily, the Moron Ninja and Crazy Willy began to circle, ready to fight to the death. From: AQKapugen Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 21:39:55 -0500 (EST) Heh heh heh. My turn. << This guy was, quite obviously, Crazy Willy. He ran around the Highwind and proceeded to beat the crap out of whoever was left on board, which consisted of a roast beef sandwich and some of the other characters left over from part VII that had been ignored. Dr. Wily was also rather perturbed. He was also twisted and evil, but we already know that. He didn't like it when things materialized in his classroom. He liked it even less when one of them looked like a robot that had caused him a great deal of trouble. Then Steve smacked the bastard upside the head with his Magickal Black Toaster and made him dissapear. Unfortuantely, he was replaced by Crazy Willy, who proceeded to beat the crap out of everybody. >> Ok, once upon a time, somewhere over the rainbow, in a galaxy far far away, there was a fat man in a green suit who laughed like a horse and a blonde chick in a red dress who's a slut. And there was also some guy with a beard, who wore a cheesy tux-look'n thing, but he's really not all that special. None of them are. But I don't care. Anyway... "Gyah hah hah, we've devised a really big new weapon that can destroy Crazy Willy," said the fat man who laughed like a horse. His name's Heidegger, by the way. "Who the hell is Crazy Willy?" asked the slut, Scarlet. "And why the hell are WE in this story?" asked Reeve, the bearded guy. "BECAUSE AQ CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE!" "...Oh...sorry." "Now," Heidegger continued, "as I was saying. We've devised a new weapon that can fry him. It's a cannon. A really big cannon. Gyah hah hah!" "Kyah hah hah!" Scarlet laughed. "Gyah hah hah!" "Kyah hah hah!" "Gyah hah hah!" "GET ON WITH IT, YOU FREAKS!" Reeve screamed. "...Oh...sorry." After a moment of trying to remember just what the hell they were laughing about, Scarlet finally shouted, "I'VE GOT IT!" "Got what?" Heidegger asked. "The name of the new weapon," Scarlet replied. "The name of the new weapon will be called...the SUGAR RAY!" "Um...don't you mean...the Sister Ray?" "No, I mean the Sugar Ray. What's more deadlier than ska?" "Oh, you've got a point there. FIRE!" And so, the cannon appeared from nowhere and it was fired. I'm through. To be continued. I'm going get some nachos. -AQ From: Thad Boyd Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 20:56:55 -0700 AQKapugen wrote: > And so, the cannon appeared from nowhere and it was fired. I'm through. To > be continued. I'm going get some nachos. A lightning blast struck two feet to our heroes' left. "THAT came damn close to being a Median Effect," Hedgehog X commented as he kicked Stoner-Guy's charred form away. "Dammit, Stoner-Guy," said Paul, "Dr. Wily's TOLD you not to smoke in class!" And then he was damned to hell for using a bad pun. Meanwhile, X saw the Sugar Ray off in the distance. "It looks like the Harkins Centerpoint with a gun on it," he commented. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 14:58:18 -0800 Thad Boyd wrote: > > And so, the cannon appeared from nowhere and it was fired. I'm through. To > > be continued. I'm going get some nachos. > > A lightning blast struck two feet to our heroes' left. > "THAT came damn close to being a Median Effect," Hedgehog X commented as he > kicked Stoner-Guy's charred form away. > "Dammit, Stoner-Guy," said Paul, "Dr. Wily's TOLD you not to smoke in class!" > > And then he was damned to hell for using a bad pun. > Meanwhile, X saw the Sugar Ray off in the distance. "It looks like the > Harkins Centerpoint with a gun on it," he commented. "Allusions no one gets aside, we have to stop that cannon!" HX said, feeling suddenly like a comic book character. "Um... hold it there, my spiky assed friend. Don't we WANT Crazy Willy to die?" HX shrugged. The cannon fired. Crazy Willy died. An animated character assembled from construction paper appeared and shouted, "OH MY GOD!!! YOU KILLED WILLY!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!" But the god Brentai, who's been noted to eat construction paper... well, ate him. At any rate the Moron Ninja REALLY wanted to fight someone, so he turned to whoever hadn't been incinerated yet and screamed, "I WEEL KEECK YOU ALL IN ZE BALLS!!!" "I haven't GOT balls!" X retorted. HX took out a book of KateStories and tried to prove that X did, in fact, have balls, when suddenly... "Gyah ha ha!" "Kyah ha ha!" "Gyah ha ha!" "Kyah ha ha!" "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU CONSTIPATED BASTARDS!!!" Reeve snapped. So they did. Heidegger looked over the blackened remains of Crazy Willy. Oddly enough his charred bones were laid out to read 'Have A Nice Day'. "Ha ha ha! With Crazy Willy aside, nothing can stop us from... EATING A ROAST BEEF SANDWICH!!!" Heidegger ate a roast beef sandwich. Scarlet blinked, "I thought you wanted to take over the world." "That too. AND SO WE SHALL!!! Gyah..." "Don't even try it," Reeve hissed. Suddenly a chorus started to sing: o~/ They're Scarlet and Heidegg' o~/ Scarlet and Heidegg' o~/ One is a fat man o~/ The other's a slut... Reeve shot them all. And it was Good(TM). Then out of one of the computers which was running NNBR stepped Girard, holding the Girard Gun with the Pink Balloon tied to it, "Sorry, boys and girls, but this world is MINE." Everybody tensed. HX grinned, "You know what happens now, don't you?" he whispered to his companions. "Big fight scene," Amaroq confirmed, "Really big fight scene." "IT'S MORPHINE TIME!!!!!" X shouted. Stoner Guy started drooling, despite the fact he was dead. "I mean... IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!" And it began. Hedgehog X "Go Go... Away." -Scarry Larry From: Stephen Tramer Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 16:12:12 -0700 Thad Boyd wrote: > > > A lightning blast struck two feet to our heroes' left. > "THAT came damn close to being a Median Effect," Hedgehog X commented as he > kicked Stoner-Guy's charred form away. > "Dammit, Stoner-Guy," said Paul, "Dr. Wily's TOLD you not to smoke in class!" > > And then he was damned to hell for using a bad pun. > Meanwhile, X saw the Sugar Ray off in the distance. "It looks like the > Harkins Centerpoint with a gun on it," he commented. Suddenly, Paul dissapeared in a puff of logic, since he didn't belong in Steve's Pascal class. Then he immediately came back, since this is a KateStory, and his agent hand contracted him to be in two parts, even if he was just a bit player. The Moron Ninja and Crazy Willy were still circling eachother, Willy screaming obscenities and the Ninja yelling about how he was going to kick Crazy Willy in the balls. Then suddenly the Moron Ninja realized that he had Sven Sven's accent, but this didn't affect anything. Steve just thought he should point it out to Thad. Suddenly, Crazy... Then the author realized that he was creating a Median Effect, and scrapped that bit, since he was too lazy to delete it. So there. > "IT'S MORPHINE TIME!!!!!" X shouted. Stoner Guy started drooling, > despite the fact he was dead. "I mean... IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!" > And it began. So there they were - Girard, Fred (with the Pink Balloon), Reeve, and, for no reason, Evil Wokko [Bumm-bummm-buuuummmm!!!!] as the Bad People(TM), and HX, X, Amaroq, and the Moron Ninja. They just sort of stood there. "I know!" shouted HX, bouncing up and down, "Let's make them listen to the Crappy Fanfare!" Everybody screamed. Except Justin, because he LIKED the Crappy Fanfare. So Reeve shot him. And it was Good(TM). But, unfortunately, since he had been killed by an FF7 character, the Crappy Fanfare played anyway. And everybody's head exploded. So they were all dead. But...what had happened to Billy and Kelly...? 999 From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 16:24:53 -0800 Stephen Tramer wrote: > But, unfortunately, since he had been killed by an FF7 character, the > Crappy Fanfare played anyway. And everybody's head exploded. So they > were all dead. > > But...what had happened to Billy and Kelly...? They were dead too because Brent said so. So there. Next? From: Jupiter S Lament Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 20:35:09 -0500 > So there they were - Girard, Fred (with the Pink Balloon), >Reeve, and, >for no reason, Evil Wokko [Bumm-bummm-buuuummmm!!!!] as the Bad >People(TM), and HX, X, Amaroq, and the Moron Ninja. They just sort of >stood there. "I know!" shouted HX, bouncing up and down, "Let's make >them listen to the Crappy Fanfare!" Everybody screamed. Except >Justin, >because he LIKED the Crappy Fanfare. So Reeve shot him. And it was >Good(TM). > But, unfortunately, since he had been killed by an FF7 >character, the >Crappy Fanfare played anyway. And everybody's head exploded. So they >were all dead. > >But...what had happened to Billy and Kelly...? Everyone in the Religion class turned suddenly, shocked to find a redhead and some guy sitting in the back of the class. The two looked at eachother confused and sat down in desks. "You two, whoever you are, are going to have to stand back up and tuck in your shirts", said Fr. Mike. The two did so. Jupiter turned to Ash, "who the hell are these people?'' she asked, looking up at her friend who was intently drawing a picture of a triple breasted whore, whom she decided to name Eccentrica. She looked at jupiter, then at the two people, shrugged. She started to answer but was distracted by the sound of writing on the board. Someone, who no one knew, was writing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" repeatedly on the board. Tha man sat down after filling the entire space on the bored. "Well, it looks like we have quite a few visitors today, would you like to introduce yourselves?" Fr. Mike said after a long, remotely awkward silence. The first two visitors stood up. "I'm Kelly," said the red-haired chick, "and this here is Billy". Billy offered up a sort of wave. "Hi", said father Mike. Jupiter looked at the two who had sat down in the desk next to her and the one behind that. She looked throught her school bag. Jeez, I really need a mentos she thought to herself, pulling one out and popping it in her mouth. She repeated this three times then finally colmed down. She gave one to Ash, and then offered Billy and Kelly one, figuring if they suddenly fell into her Religion class at 8:57 in the morning, there day had to be worse than ners was starting out to be. The second man who had been writing on the board stood up, grinning an evil, demented grin and said in an bad German accent "I am the Dali Lamma." "Wasn't he creameted?" asked Jupiter, feeling so confused that she ate another mentos and offered one to everyone she'd given one to earlier. Staring at the man who was insisting he was the Dali Llamma, they took it thankfully. Jupiter kicked back in her chair, this ought to be one hell of a day she thought. The man left the room, singing safety dance skipping down the hallway with a ballon in his hand. The lunch bell rang. Jupiter and Ashley went to their lookers, got their books and headed to lunch, suddenly glad that it was third peroid lunch so they could try to make some sence out of what had just happened. Little did they know what would be waiting for them at lunch... Jupiter From: Stephen Tramer Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 17:33:23 -0700 Jupiter S Lament wrote: > > Little did they know what would be waiting for them at lunch... Steve beat Joops about the head for creating a Median Effect for a few moments, then set about fixing what she had done. Billy and Kelly weren't, in fact, dead. Since they're the main characters in this story-thing, they CAN'T die, comprising to the laws of Story Physics. So there. At luch, all the people that nobody knew were sitting around a table that didn't exist. Don't ask how, because I don't know. Then, in a burst of illogic, HX, X, Amaroq, the Moron Ninja, and Steve all fell on top of Joops, because they were ALSO all main characters, and couldn't die. Then Girard and Fred came down with the Pink Balloon, laughed, and ran off with a ceezy sound effect. "My God!" X proclaimed, "He ran off! And he has the Pink Balloon!" "You're very observant," HX said. For no reason, he had a little sticker on his forehead that said 'proud to be a member of the ego-trip squad', or something to that effect. "You have a sticker on your head," X pointed out. HX then proceeded to beat the crap out of X, simply because he thought it was an FF7 reference. Then he decided it would be much wiser to beat the crap out of Steve, since he was writing this bit. And he did so. And it was Good(TM). And then the world exploded. 999 From: Mike Nonsense! Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:21:07 -0800 Stephen Tramer wrote: > > Thad Boyd wrote: > > > > > > A lightning blast struck two feet to our heroes' left. > > "THAT came damn close to being a Median Effect," Hedgehog X commented as he > > kicked Stoner-Guy's charred form away. > > "Dammit, Stoner-Guy," said Paul, "Dr. Wily's TOLD you not to smoke in class!" Hmf. He wants to, so let him. :P > > > > And then he was damned to hell for using a bad pun. > > Meanwhile, X saw the Sugar Ray off in the distance. "It looks like the > > Harkins Centerpoint with a gun on it," he commented. Or was it the other way around? Hey, X, read this! Ia ma nibiot :) > Suddenly, Paul dissapeared in a puff of logic, since he didn't belong > in Steve's Pascal class. Then he immediately came back, since this is a > KateStory, and his agent hand contracted him to be in two parts, even if > he was just a bit player. I'm a bite player, but that doesn't count. > The Moron Ninja and Crazy Willy were still circling eachother, Willy > screaming obscenities and the Ninja yelling about how he was going to > kick Crazy Willy in the balls. Then suddenly the Moron Ninja realized > that he had Sven Sven's accent, but this didn't affect anything. Steve > just thought he should point it out to Thad. Suddenly, Crazy... Willy said, "EAT ME BITCH!" and shot every one. And we all were happy. Kupo! > Then the author realized that he was creating a Median Effect, and > scrapped that bit, since he was too lazy to delete it. So there. That isn't good enough, Steve. You messed up, and you must die, you bunghole. :P > > "IT'S MORPHINE TIME!!!!!" X shouted. Stoner Guy started drooling, > > despite the fact he was dead. "I mean... IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!" Oh NOOOOOOOO! > > And it began. And it ended, when Mikael shot everybody with a Shot of the Sugar Plum Fairy Gun (Cue the ballerinas with spikes shooting out of their bodies....) > So there they were - Girard, Fred (with the Pink Balloon), Reeve, and, > for no reason, Evil Wokko [Bumm-bummm-buuuummmm!!!!] as the Bad > People(TM), and HX, X, Amaroq, and the Moron Ninja. They just sort of > stood there. "I know!" shouted HX, bouncing up and down, "Let's make > them listen to the Crappy Fanfare!" Everybody screamed. Except Justin, > because he LIKED the Crappy Fanfare. So Reeve shot him. And it was > Good(TM). Yay... Wait! This means the story will end... FUCK! > But, unfortunately, since he had been killed by an FF7 character, the > Crappy Fanfare played anyway. And everybody's head exploded. So they > were all dead. > > But...what had happened to Billy and Kelly...? They had escaped, to Never Never Land.... They met..... the Evil Hicks! From: Thad Boyd Date: 10/28/1997 07:36 PM Suddenly, a lightning bolt rent the worlds asunder, and a rather scorched band of adventurers found themselves back in Prescott, surrounded by...the Evil Hicks. "THAT, Steve," said Thad, who had shown up for no explicable reason, "was a Median Effect. "Hey, wait a minute," Thad mused, pausing to consider. "Steve...was that the Median Effect that Joops created that you were talking about?" Steve either nodded or shook his head; I'm not going to make any presumptions. "Damn," Thad muttered. "Mikey's clock that's set a day ahead for no explicable reason really makes life confusing." His musings were distracted, however, by the Moron Ninja, who again shouted, "I WEEL KEECK YOU IN ZEE BALLS!" "'ZEE'?!" Thad screamed. "HE'S S'POSETA BE JAPANESE, NOT GERMAN! That must mean...GET 'IM!" Thad cursed as he looked for the title of the theme he wanted to start playing. Thinking it might be "Hurry!", he tried to download it from the FF7 Soundtrack Archive, but that was taking too long, so he tried to download it from Square Net, but didn't have a MIDI plug-in since that last reinstallation of Netscape. He simultaneously downloaded the MIDI version, the MP3 version, and a new MIDI plug-in. The MIDI coming first, he listened to it with just the normal Win 95 Media Player, and, properly satisfied, the story proceeded. "The Moron Ninja" adopted the facial expression that happened to be Shadow's Look of Surprise. Suddenly, "Hurry!" started playing, the walls turned a pastel yellow, and "the Moron Ninja" jumped through one of the portholes that had just inexplicably appeared in said walls. Thad ducked the flying word "hypocrite", as he had just referenced two FF games at once. Thad and Steve started to run after "the Moron Ninja", but then Thad decided he didn't like the idea of putting Steve in his reference to that scene ONE BIT, so he was replaced by Mika. Mika decided she didn't like the idea of Thad putting her in his reference to that scene ONE BIT, so she kicked his ass and Thad went on alone. "The Moron Ninja" ran for the Chocobo Racetrack, but suddenly a familiar form ran out and straight over him: HOJU! Thad tackled his adversary. "YOU'RE NOT THE MORON NINJA!" he screamed. "YOU'RE...THE MAN WHO CAN'T GET A SINGLE DAMN ACCENT RIGHT!" "GET THE HELL OFA ME!" Brent shrieked as Thad unmasked him. Realizing the general perversity of the position they were in, Thad puked and hastily leapt up off Brent (not necessarily in that order). Then, reaching into his pocket, Thad withdrew a cage holding a small green creature. "SIC 'IM, BOB!" he screamed. Bob the Ignore Gremlin leapt at Brent's throat and reenacted the scene that occurs roughly 20 seconds after you first meet Red XIII. Brent was removed from the story until he could stop being so anal about FF7 references. Thad patted Bob gently on the head and gave him Brent's aorta as a treat, then gave him back to Alan. From: Stephen Tramer Date: 10/28/1997 09:22 PM Steve was a bit miffed by the fact that Thad had gotten rid of him, but he just kept going on. He HATED Prescott, so he beat X over the head with a big wooden board until X shot all of the evil hicks with his futuristic toaster. Steve was then Happy(TM), and he decided that now would be a good time to end this pointless bit. And so he did. From: Thad Boyd Date: 10/28/1997 09:38 PM "Wait a minute!" Thad shouted, as he suddenly crashed in through the skylight. "X CAN'T HARM HUMANS! IT'S BRENT IN DISGUISE AGAIN!" After trying for several minutes to remove X's face, Thad ultimately realized that they HADN'T been humans, they'd been Prescott residents, so he shrugged and walked off. From: Havoc Date: 10/28/1997 10:04 PM I for one am sick about people whining about FF7 spoilers. I mean, come on, it takes all of the fun out if you don't know who is going to do what. To end this madness, here is the ultimate FF7 spoiler, the ending. (Note: Aerith was out shopping with Cait Sith and Yuffie, so they were not included in this sequence.) Cloud was eaten by the giant Moogle, Moolar. "You are next, Mr. Bond!" He reached for Mr. Bond and ate him too. "Nummers." "Hold it right there!" A chocobo screamed in teh distance. He ran up to the monster and cut open his belly. "OOOOOWWW!" The monster screamed, and out popped Mr. Bond and Cloud. "Thank you Mr. Bird!" Cloud said. "If it weren't for you, we'd have been eaten by that big-bad-wolf, er, monster." So Mr. Bond and Cloud filled the monster's stomach with rocks and sewed him up, and made him walk around with rocks in his stomach. And then Barret, Rex, and Kurt Vonnegut appeared and they all song campfire songs, all the while an egg was hatching with a baby monster inside......TO BE CONTINUED! And what is with this no sex scene crap? People want sex, so I will be the crazy fool who will give it to them. This is an excert from "The Sex Life of Chocobo." Day 1: I sat around all day, occasionaly looking out the window. Day 2: I looked at a magazine. It had funny pictures of Bob Dole and Bill Gates fighting in a mud pit. Day 3: Still haven't scored. Man, wasn't that just exciting? Man, I was sweating bullets, on teh edge of my seat wondering what would happen next....and I wrote it! ........what? You mean I have to actually write something that has meaning? Aw man, okay, hold on. The pink balloon landed into the hands of a small mexican child. The smooth rubber of the balloon's surface was the last thing teh child felt, for he was too busy playing to notice the truck that was headed for him. "SPLAT." Hell, this is me when I'm calm. Give me time, and I can actuallt make other people go insane! MWA HA AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Havoc T. DeadHog From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 18:35:13 -0800 Thad Boyd wrote: > > Stephen Tramer wrote: > > > Steve was a bit miffed by the fact that Thad had gotten rid of him, but > > he just kept going on. He HATED Prescott, so he beat X over the head > > with a big wooden board until X shot all of the evil hicks with his > > futuristic toaster. Steve was then Happy(TM), and he decided that now > > would be a good time to end this pointless bit. And so he did. > > "Wait a minute!" Thad shouted, as he suddenly crashed in through the skylight. "X CAN'T > HARM HUMANS! IT'S BRENT IN DISGUISE AGAIN!" After trying for several minutes to remove X's > face, Thad ultimately realized that they HADN'T been humans, they'd been Prescott residents, > so he shrugged and walked off. At this point Brentai the Cow God was a little perturbed, not by the last reply of course, "OK, I admit, I figured I could get you to be a little nice to me if I didn't drool all over FF7 and follow it around like a crazed fanatic, was fucking WRONG, didn't get FF7, and you're intent about taking advantage of it and making it so I can't do a damn thing with KateStory AKA FF8. Or something." "No," said Thad. "I KNOW I'M NOT RIGHT, I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK IT'S LIKE TO BE A BASHER!!!" "How is it?" "Dirty, but at least I get to do THIS!" Nothing happened. Brentai was feeling a little shaky anyway, so he gulped down half a bottle of whiskey and went on, "I'm sorry, Thad, I MADE A MISTAKE!!!" "DAMMIT, I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN ADMIT THAT!!!" Brentai kicked Thad's ass real quick and continued, "FF7 does not suck, I haven't played it. Some of the music is quite good, some of it Nobuo Uematsu should be shot for. The graphics are polygons and I have made it my sacred duty to say polygons suck even when they don't. I made the silly error of comparing FF7 to other Final Fantasies. Compared to Chrono Trigger it kicks ass. Compared to FF6 it kisses ass." Thad miraculously restrained himself, "Truce?" "Porre." "D'OH!!!" said a bunch of people who had heard the awful awful joke. Thad and Brentai shook hands. Then Thad asked, "What WERE you going to do a second before anyway?" "Oh Thaaaad..." crooned a voice that was music to his ears, though anyone else would have wretched. Suddenly there was a hideous lion who looked very much like a male but was wearing a 2-piece swimsuit, "Ready for bed?" "Right away Scatter!" Thad cried happily, and bounced away with Scatter and thankfully out of the story. Brentai finished his whiskey, "Whoops," he said without emotion, threw the bottle nowhere, did the Evil Cape Thingy(TM), turned about face throwing it about with a flourish, took a few steps, looked back, grinned and added, "Nothing like the sound of 1 voices screaming and 1 voice yiffing in unison." "SEPHIROTH!!!" cried a demonic choir Brentai had hired. Brentai stared at them, "My name is Brentai, you uptight assholes." "Sorry, you were just strong as Sephiroth and we got you confused." Brentai grinned, "I might like FF7 references after all," he cracked, but shot them all anyway and walked off. X looked at all this a little confused. Then he looked around. He was alone in a wide open space with the Moron Ninja. The Moron Ninja screamed, "I will keeck myself in the balls!" And he did. Hedgehog X the Evil and Drunken (and ignored *sniff*), Whee!!! From: Thad Boyd Date: 10/30/1997 09:20 PM > X looked at all this a little confused. Then he looked around. > He was alone in a wide open space with the Moron Ninja. The Moron Ninja > screamed, "I will keeck myself in the balls!" > And he did. Of course, he was really Brent in disguise, so it was Good(TM). From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 10/30/1997 09:43 PM > > Of course, he was really Brent in disguise, so it was Good(TM). It couldn't have been Brent, he did the accent right. LOGIC almost ripped out Thad's aorta but Brentai stopped him because he was not about to maim Thad just because he was (this sounds vaguely familiar) NOT ACCEPTING AN APOLOGY. Hedgehog X (or is it you just couldn't take the Scatter joke? At any right you should settle down lest you look like, well, me) From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 10/30/1997 11:34 PM "Posting twice in a row? That's cheating!" -Thad "Too damn bad," Brentai growled, and dragged Thad into a little black room with one door. "Where are we?" Thad asked. Brentai shrugged, "A little black room with one door." "Is it locked? Booby trapped?" "You're perfectly free to leave, Thad," And so Thad started toward the door, but then Brentai added, "Except..." Thad glared at Brentai, "Jenova lies behind that door." "Jenova's an FF7 character, you know." "Of course I know. Everything you know is wrong. Not meant to be an insult. Unless you want it to be." Thad sighed, "So how do I get out of here." "Fight the bastard, of course." "Oh yeah? Just punch him in the groin?" Brentai pulled out a sword twice Thad's size and handed it to him, "Your very own bigass sword. It's called Eirias." "Eirias wasn't this big, and I think you misspelled it." "Do you know for sure? I AM writing this part." Thad shrugged and once again started toward the door when Brentai interrupted again, "Need help?" Thad pivoted slowly to face Brentai, brandishing Eirias menacingly, "I'd rather die than fight with you." Brentai took out a stick and hit Thad over the head with it, "Did that hurt?" "OW!!! FUCK YEAH, WHAT DID YOU THINK?" "Dying is a lot more painful, you know," Brentai stated, and took out a custom Girard Rifle with his BRM medal hanging off the barrel, "How about it?" "Why are you doing all this, anyway? I could cut your head off with this sword at any time, you know." "United we stand, divided we... still stand, but it sucks. Remember that, buddy? Them were the good ol' days, laughing at someone who REALLY deserved it." "You..." "Say another word of that sentence and I turn you into Tay Hanson. Now, are you going to let me help you or not?" From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/01/1997 06:29 PM "Help you with WHAT...?" Thad responded. "OMNISLASH!" And Jenova fell. "Dammit Thad," Brent said. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Sun, 02 Nov 1997 09:55:08 -0800 Thad Boyd wrote: > "Help you with WHAT...?" Thad responded. "OMNISLASH!" And Jenova fell. > "Dammit Thad," Brent said. "Dammit Thad," Brent said again, "Now what? Everyone's dead!" "We're not dead!" Thad pointed out. Brent picked up Thad by the collar and glared at him. "Uh oh, Thad groaned, "You have that 'Kill the little man' look in your eye." And Brent killed him. "Space. It's... pretty big. These are the voyages of the Starship SecondPrize. Our until-we-get-canceled mission... to visit strange new worlds, seek out intelligent civilizations, and then save their stories from utter annihilation. "Captain's Log, Stardate 84937635409650412398654098623509836409548 69038643092365437409854609547497648980754605498707465430987640983740895640 9640847049344390875409687094740396735409654094685054986549.42, by coincidence also the value of the US National Debt. I'm bored as hell." "Captain," cried DeCoy, "A violent alien race is attacking us for no damn reason!" Captain Piquant swiveled his cushy seat to face a giant plastic utensil, "Any suggestions, Mr. Spork?" "I say we kicketh their asses." Piquant swiveled again, "Hwarf, arm all weapons and blow them up." "Cap'n!" cried the intercom. The voice had a heavy accent and was drunk as hell. Piquant groaned. He knew Brent was writing this bit and Scotchy's accent would be crappy as hell, "Go ahead." "We've taken heavy damage Cap'n, the cahm'ra's shakin' like a scared choowawa!" Piquant shivered. Suddenly the camera on the bridge shook and everyone threw themselves to the ground. "AUGH!!!" cried Spork, "My arm is broken!" "You don't have arms, you're a stupid spork!" DeCoy shouted. "Whatever." Piquant hissed, "Hwarf, blow them up al..." the alien ship onscreen exploded, "Nevermind." Then he hit his intercom, "Bones, we're beaming Spork to Sick Bay. He has a broken arm." "Dammit, I'm a doctor not a... thank you, I'll get right on it." On Earth, the Moron Ninja kicked himself in the balls again. Writer of the One Big Argument From: Alex Kimbel Date: 11/03/1997 03:10 PM Then, Alex walked in and cast Super Nova which he had stole from Sephiroth. After a long, never-ending summon-like sequence, the sun finally burned everbody to pieces. Watching from another galaxy Alex laughed at how everyone had to wait so long just to die. Once again Alex triumphed. From: Mike Nonsense! Date: 11/04/1997 11:38 PM Oh, but he didn't... A meteor appeared from the remains of the charred world. It hurtled to the middle, then became a glowing ball of blue. It let off 9 balls of light. Alex realised what was happening.... This world would start anew... However, for now, he can bask in the glow of triumph... Or so he thought. A flash of energy scorched Alex's body, leaving him bloody. "Oh... Lord...." Then, he died, a painful, slow death. There was no winner, nor a loser... Just the life cycle.... And an almost certain ability to continue with this series, suffering plotholes aplenty. THE END From: Alex Kimbel Date: 11/03/1997 03:43 PM But, before his death he discovered something: Fianl Fantasy 7 Toys are coming to the U.S. So, before he was scorched to a painful, bloody death he went forward in time and bought these toys. He could now die happily. The End. If you didn't know the FF7 toys that were so popular in Japan are on their way to the U.S. I don't know about any of you, but I am overjoyed. YAAAYYY!!! From: Thad Boyd Date: Mon, 03 Nov 1997 18:52:45 -0700 Mr. "Bob" wrote: > Thad Boyd wrote: > > > "Help you with WHAT...?" Thad responded. "OMNISLASH!" And Jenova fell. > > "Dammit Thad," Brent said. > > "Dammit Thad," Brent said again, "Now what? Everyone's dead!" > "We're not dead!" Thad pointed out. > Brent picked up Thad by the collar and glared at him. "Uh oh, > Thad groaned, "You have that 'Kill the little man' look in your eye." > And Brent killed him. Unfortunately, Brent hadn't been paying close enough attention to what Thad had equipped in Eirias' materia slots. As he turned on his heel, he heard a shout of, "PHOENIX!" As Brent beheld the rather large bird, his flesh was generally seared off, but the author decided to leave his eyes intact so he could witness Thad's revival in the best health he'd ever been in. "Phoenix and Final Attack," Thad said. "Gotta love it." From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 11/03/1997 07:57 PM Unfortunately, this only managed to seem rather obnoxious as Thad's replies were mostly trying harm Brent and/or destroying his attempts to revive the story, this time by not paying attention to it at all. He had also forgotten that Eirias was a sword Brent had created and obviously wouldn't have materia slots as he had no idea what they were, nor would one be able to use an FF7 tech with it. With that in mind the huge sword exploded in Thad's hands, and Brent was recreated long enough to make the characters from his Star Trek parody shake Thad down until he wrote something right or put him back on the real list that Brent suspected existed. Then everyone disappeared and Girard stepped into the dark room, wondering how the hell he had gotten there. Hedgehog X, TRYING not to kill this one... Thad just wants another one to blame on me, I guess From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/03/1997 09:15 PM Sadly, Brent had made the sad mistake of sadly mistaking KateStories for having to adhere to any laws of generally anything. This became apparent when his cell phone rang. Answering it without even bothering to wonder where the hell he'd gotten a cell phone and who would know its number anyway, Brent was met with a familiar voice. "You're doing my job for me by trying to read logic into a KateStory," LOGIC commented. "It's highly illogical that anyone would be stupid enough to do that voluntarily, but I thank you nonetheless. So...you doing anything Saturday?" From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 11/04/1997 03:54 PM Girard was still in the black room with the Pink Balloon when he made the mistake of opening the door... and seeing Brent and LOGIC, who turned out not to be male. Girard quickly closed and set fire to the door. Meanwhile, Kelly and Billy were... And X was... Hedgehog X "Let's screw this story! Yee hah!!!" From: Stephen Tramer Date: 11/04/1997 04:10 PM Mr. "Bob" wrote: > > > > Meanwhile, Kelly and Billy were... Engaged in a Gratititious Sex Scene(TM). > > And X was... Busy trying to ignore Billy and Kelly. > > Hedgehog X "Let's screw this story! Yee hah!!!" "I thought of that in a literal way. Dear lord, I AM a pervert!"-Me 999 From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/04/1997 06:47 PM > Meanwhile, Kelly and Billy were... Somewhere else. > And X was... Somewhere else. Meanwhile, LOGIC was dancing around in leather singing, "I'm a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!" over and over. Brent took a moment to look very afraid, then he ran like hell. "Thad," he whispered in Thad's ear, "where the hell do you come UP with shit like that? ...I don't get it." Thad then whipped out a cattle brand and seared a large "V" into Brent's forehead. "Dammit, Janet," Brent muttered. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 11/04/1997 07:17 PM DAMMIT, THAD!!! I, like, watched that movie a couple of times over the weekend. Hee hee. I once wrote a parody of Dammit Janet but forgot exactly how it goes, except the two hicks in the background always said "Dammit" instead of "Janet". =D I'm not writing another bit. Someone PLEASE take the reigns (STEVE, AQ...) Hedgehog X "Beth: Just shoot me now! Me: *uses 'yiff' global on Beth* Wait, you meant with a gun?" From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/05/1997 02:59 PM Unfortunately, "reigns" was a verb and not a noun, so that line of logic was thrown out the window, whereupon it landed upon the aforementioned compost heap. "Remember that time I had that horse from the Dark Cloak Tavern?" Thad asked. "That was X, not you," Brent responded. "Yeah, but dammit, X was there to REPRESENT me. If it had been about our human selves rather than our characters, this would be called a StefStory, and that just lacks the zing of 'KateStory'." "Yup," said Surphmoff. "What the hell is HE doing here?!" Brent demanded. Thad whipped out an onion covered in hot sauce and smashed it in Surphmoff's face, then hit him over the head with his Sopwith Camel. "So why the hell did you bring up your horse again?" Brent asked (though he thought he probably shouldn't). "I just wanted to talk about its REINS. Its REINS were rather interesting, you see. It being a magic horse, you didn't have to use its REINS all that much, you just told it where to go. So really, its REINS were mostly just for show. They were rather interesting REINS; they were kinda jewel-studded REI..." Brent started throwing hot-sauce-covered onions at Thad, who then proceeded to run like hell. "...NS." From: Jupiter S Lament Date: 11/05/1997 04:11 PM > I'm not writing another bit. Someone PLEASE take the reigns > >(STEVE, > >AQ...) Jupiter maybe? Ahha, now you all have to listen to me!!! Out of absolutely nowhere, a gigantic whooper feel from the sky, hitting LOGIC over the head, giving it major braindammage and turning it into ILLOGIC or however the damn word is spelt. Stef and Jupiter stepped up and examined logics leather then started singing. Damn good hit, Jupiter thought, but Stef beat her to saying it. "That was a damn good hit, I'm proud of myself," Stef said, pulling her towel out of her bag and wipping the LOGIC's, or ILLOGIC's or the artist formely known as LOGICS blood off her face. "So what do we do now?" They didn't have time to think of an answer before they were sucked suddenly into a building in a parallel universe and put into two seperate rooms Jupiter was put in a room where she found Brent, and they did some things that the author shouldn't metion out of respect for Thad's request, but they had fun some with magic shell chocolate syrup. Stef didn't bother to look up from the floor of her room, knowing that she peobably wouldn't like what was ther when she looked up "Damn LOGIC, or ILLOGIC, or whatever the bloody thing is, it put us here I bet," Stef yelled. She was a might bit tiffed. She then decided to stop putting off the inevitable and looked up. Her anger turned to shock at what she saw... Jupiter From: Stephen Tramer Date: Wed, 05 Nov 1997 15:16:56 -0700 Thad Boyd wrote: > > Brent started throwing hot-sauce-covered onions at Thad, who then proceeded to run like hell. > > "...NS." Meanwhile, Steve was busy reading about this pointless silly war going on between Brent and Thad, so he decided that now would be an oprotune time to completely destroy the story while nobody was watching. Unfortuantely, he was also bored and feeling unimaginative, so he didn't write anything more than this. So there. 999 From: Stephen Tramer Date: 11/05/1997 09:08 PM Jupiter S Lament wrote: > > Her anger turned to shock at what she saw... It was Brent and Joops having a Pointless Sex Scene(TM)! 999 From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/06/1997 03:08 PM DAMMIT, JOOPS, YOU ALMOST CREATED A MEDIAN EFFECT!!! One might say you couldn't help it, since you've got a crappy-ass mailer that doesn't receive mail in a timely fashion, but then, you're CHOOSING to use a crappy-ass mailer that doesn't receive mail in a timely fashion. You really should get something GOOD...or even use the Netscape one you've got, which is STILL better than Juno. Ah well...at least your reply fit into the continuity, so no lightning bolts at the moment... Jupiter S Lament wrote: > They didn't have time to think of an answer before they were > sucked suddenly into a building in a parallel universe and put into two > seperate rooms Jupiter was put in a room where she found Brent, and they > did some things that the author shouldn't metion out of respect for > Thad's request, but they had fun some with magic shell chocolate syrup. > Stef didn't bother to look up from the floor of her room, knowing > that she peobably wouldn't like what was ther when she looked up "Damn > LOGIC, or ILLOGIC, or whatever the bloody thing is, it put us here I > bet," Stef yelled. She was a might bit tiffed. She then decided to > stop putting off the inevitable and looked up. Her anger turned to shock > at what she saw... Stephen Tramer wrote: > It was Brent and Joops having a Pointless Sex Scene(TM)! Sadly, Joops had made the sad mistake of sadly mistaking magic shell chocolate syrup for being a good thing to use in a KateStory. "DAMN NEWBIE!" Brent screeched. "YOU GAVE ME SOMETHING MAGIC IN A KATESTORY!" "Ummmmm, yeah, so...?" "Thad TOLD you to read the previous parts..." Halfway through his speech, Brent's voice went up two octaves. "ARGH! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO PUT IT...THERE?!" "You've no right to complain!" Joops responded, looking down at her own body -- the parts that hadn't been covered in magic shell chocolate syrup. "Ready to form Voltron!" Keith said. "Activate interlocks...dynotherms connected...megathrusters are go!" "VOLTRON!" chorused the Voltron force. "Form feet and legs!" Keith commanded. "Form arms and body! And I'll form the head!" Voltron flew through the air, the lions composing its arms and legs roaring. "Form blazing sword!" Keith commanded. And, having sufficiently quoted Voltron, Thad returned to the regularly-scheduled KateStory. "And I thought *I* had it bad," Billy commented. He then went back to apologize to X. From: Mr. "Bob" Date: Sat, 08 Nov 1997 23:38:11 -0800 Okay, okay, I've waited long enough. Boredom is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Thad Boyd wrote: > > DAMMIT, JOOPS, YOU ALMOST CREATED A MEDIAN EFFECT!!! One might say you > couldn't help it, since you've got a crappy-ass mailer that doesn't receive > mail in a timely fashion, but then, you're CHOOSING to use a crappy-ass > mailer that doesn't receive mail in a timely fashion. You really should get > something GOOD...or even use the Netscape one you've got, which is STILL > better than Juno. Can you summarize that please? *I* didn't understand half of it, Joops DEFINITELY won't. > Ah well...at least your reply fit into the continuity, so no lightning bolts > at the moment... Come to think of it, did I ever really mention lightning bolts? I think they were rips in space/time that looked a lot like lightning, and what else WOULD they look like? > > They didn't have time to think of an answer before they were > > sucked suddenly into a building in a parallel universe and put into two > > seperate rooms Jupiter was put in a room where she found Brent, and they > > did some things that the author shouldn't metion out of respect for > > Thad's request, but they had fun some with magic shell chocolate syrup. DAMMIT JOOPS... ah, well, I'll forgive me if you... OOH, yeah, THAT's it! > > Stef didn't bother to look up from the floor of her room, knowing > > that she peobably wouldn't like what was ther when she looked up "Damn > > LOGIC, or ILLOGIC, or whatever the bloody thing is, it put us here I > > bet," Stef yelled. She was a might bit tiffed. She then decided to > > stop putting off the inevitable and looked up. Her anger turned to shock > > at what she saw... > > Stephen Tramer wrote: > > > It was Brent and Joops having a Pointless Sex Scene(TM)! "OH NO!!!" > Sadly, Joops had made the sad mistake of sadly mistaking magic shell > chocolate syrup for being a good thing to use in a KateStory. > "DAMN NEWBIE!" Brent screeched. "YOU GAVE ME SOMETHING MAGIC IN A > KATESTORY!" > "Ummmmm, yeah, so...?" > "Thad TOLD you to read the previous parts..." Halfway through his > speech, Brent's voice went up two octaves. "ARGH! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO PUT > IT...THERE?!" OW!!! THAD, THAT HURT JUST READING IT!!! Actually, I scooted my seat up a little to far into the desk my comp is sitting on, but it still hurt. ;) > "You've no right to complain!" Joops responded, looking down at her own > body -- the parts that hadn't been covered in magic shell chocolate syrup. > > "Ready to form Voltron!" Keith said. "Activate interlocks...dynotherms > connected...megathrusters are go!" > "VOLTRON!" chorused the Voltron force. "BEEF!" cried the Beef Force, and fed the Voltron force valiantly. > "Form feet and legs!" Keith commanded. "Form arms and body! And I'll > form the head!" > Voltron flew through the air, the lions composing its arms and legs > roaring. > "Form blazing sword!" Keith commanded. > And, having sufficiently quoted Voltron, Thad returned to the > regularly-scheduled KateStory. > "And I thought *I* had it bad," Billy commented. He then went back to > apologize to X. Stef recovered hours later from the shock, but she didn't wake up to anything less traumatic. In fact, the first thing she saw was Brent in leather dancing around singing "I'm a sweet trans..." Stef screamed. "Stef!" cried an insane cripple who had gotten his way into the story via original use of magnetic fields. "Dr. Scott!" Stef cried. "Stef!" Joops yelled. "Joops!" Stef said. "Rocky!" Brent said like it was in heat. "Huh?" said Rocky, who had hitched a ride in Dr. Scott's wheelchair. "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" Brent growled, "Okay, gag's overused!" And everyone stopped. Brent took a moment to admire his rear, which wasn't there anymore, but he admired it because neither was the horribly misplaced V. He took up a seductive (for what gender?) pose and said sumptuously, "I'd like to propose a toast!" Steve threw 64,000 pieces of toast at him. Suddenly a cry rang out from nowhere (actually, it came from the sky, but nowhere sounds better), "Form feet and legs! Form arm and body! And I'll form the sword!" "Wait, that didn't sound right!" Stef whispered. Brent donned a look of mortal fear, which was absolutely pathetic to see on a guy in leather, "I think I know what's coming." "Form Blazing Head!" "GIRARDTRON!!!" Everyone screamed. In a profound display of bad taste in RPG music Brent picked the Secret of Mana Boss Theme to play at this moment. Hedgehog X the Rat From: Mr. "Bob" Date: 11/09/1997 12:39 AM Hmm, just realized the V was on my forehead. This is going to be interesting. From: Stephen Tramer Date: 11/09/1997 09:43 AM Mr. "Bob" wrote: > > Stef recovered hours later from the shock, but she didn't wake up > to anything less traumatic. In fact, the first thing she saw was Brent > in leather dancing around singing "I'm a sweet trans..." > Stef screamed. > "Stef!" cried an insane cripple who had gotten his way into the > story via original use of magnetic fields. > "Dr. Scott!" Stef cried. > "Stef!" Joops yelled. > "Joops!" Stef said. > "Rocky!" Brent said like it was in heat. > "Huh?" said Rocky, who had hitched a ride in Dr. Scott's wheelchair. > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > Brent growled, "Okay, gag's overused!" And everyone stopped. And Steve hit his head against a blunt object for missing that movie when it was on a few weeks ago. > Steve threw 64,000 pieces of toast at him. No, you fool! You have to use the Sacred Number in there SOMEWHERE! > "Form Blazing Head!" > "GIRARDTRON!!!" Everyone screamed. > In a profound display of bad taste in RPG music Brent picked the > Secret of Mana Boss Theme to play at this moment. While everybody was screaming at Brent for making a bad choice in music, Steve pointed out that at least it wasn't the battle theme from FFMQ, and everybody was relieved. Then Brent, in an even WORSE show of his taste in RPG music, put that on. Steve used the Background Music Voulme Control Thing(TM), and turned it down. Meanwhile, Girardtron crashed through the roof of the building. It was rather small and pathetic, so everybody just beat it with large sticks while it kept screaming, "OW! Stop that, it hurts!" and making whiney noises. But then the real Girard showed up, with Fred on his shoulder, and something Bad(TM) happened... 999 From: Thad Boyd Date: 11/09/1997 12:47 PM Stephen Tramer wrote: > Mr. "Bob" wrote: > > > > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > > "STEF! DR. SCOTT! STEF! JOOPS! ROCKY! Huh?" > > Brent growled, "Okay, gag's overused!" And everyone stopped. > > And Steve hit his head against a blunt object for missing that movie > when it was on a few weeks ago. [...] > While everybody was screaming at Brent for making a bad choice in > music, Steve pointed out that at least it wasn't the battle theme from > FFMQ, and everybody was relieved. Then Brent, in an even WORSE show of > his taste in RPG music, put that on. Steve used the Background Music > Voulme Control Thing(TM), and turned it down. > Meanwhile, Girardtron crashed through the roof of the building. It was > rather small and pathetic, so everybody just beat it with large sticks > while it kept screaming, "OW! Stop that, it hurts!" and making whiney > noises. > But then the real Girard showed up, with Fred on his shoulder, and > something Bad(TM) happened... ...Thad descended from the skylight and branded a large "V" in Steve's forehead! Talking of SoM music, Thad hit Star of Darkness, for the simple reason that it was the best tune in the game. "I know!" Thad said. "Let's call in Sven-Sven's team!" "The Post-Apocalyptic Circus Midgets?" Thad shook his head. Suddenly, there was a shout from above. "Form-form feet-feet and-and legs-legs! "Form-form arms-arms and-and body-body! "And-and I'll-I'll form-form the-the head-head!" Crashing through the crashed-through-way-too-damn-many-times skylight was Voltron-Voltron, with the original Voltron-Voltron Force-Force: Keith-Keith, Lance-Lance, Pidge-Pidge, Hunk-Hunk, and Sven-Sven. Girard took one look at the Blue-Blue Lion-Lion (Voltron-Voltron's right leg), lifted Fred, and invoked the Pink Balloon. There was a scream from within the Blue-Blue Lion-Lion -- a scream that somehow managed to have an accent tacked onto it. Sven-Sven was hospitalized for the rest of the series and then replaced with Princess-Princess Allura-Allura, which was just fine as far as Brent, Thad, and Steve were concerned, because she was much better-looking.