Post : [1][4] 1/42
Subj : It's up, you vultures.
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 07:14 pm MST

Here it is.  By request, Steve gets to begin.




Thad



Post : [1][4] 2/42
Subj : Dr. Wily's Evil Robots & How Brent Learned To Love The Guru
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 07:42 pm MST

..Brentai wanted me to post first, so heree we go.
----
Dr. Wily was, of course, still evil.  It had been many a year since anybody
of any importance had been subjected to his evil robot making practices of
evil, but nontheless, he was still evil.  "Muahaha!" he laughed evilly, in the
evil dungeon that he lived in in the evil place known as Prescott High School,
"This is the evilest thing I have ever made!"  It was indeed terribly evil.  It
was a cirriculum change.

"From now on, nobody will ever make evil robots in Evil Pascal anymore!" Dr.
Wily cacked, showing the new cirriculum to his students, "Instead you'll all be
forced to make evil robots using Evil Visual Basic, which is much eviler than
Evil Pascal.  Do any of you object to this evil change?"
"Too bad tat it's not very evil," said Stoner Guy, who was still in high
school.  And still high in general.
"SHut up, it's evil!" said Dr. Wily, evilly.  He cackled.

Meanwhile, in a completely irrelevant part ofthe story, Brentai was sliming the
Guru.  "You know you like it, bitch!" he screamed.

The moral of the story: 1: Do not be an idiot.
2: Do not write the first part of a KateStory.



Post : [1][4] 3/42
Subj : ...Ow?
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 07:47 pm MST

I appologize for the spelling errors and such in the previous.  The editor for
this BBS really sucks.  Anyway, who wants to try and make sense of   that crap
I wrote?

Post : [1][4] 4/42
Subj : Dr. Wily's Evil Robots & How I Learned to Love the Bomb
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 10:35 pm MST

RE: Dr. Wily's Evil Robots & How Brent Learned To Love The Guru
BY: Maxl to All on Thu Jan 25 2001 07:42 pm

   Meanwhile, next door, a gratuitous and vaguely related in-joke was taking
place.  The notorious Wang Man was teaching a class in Evil Cookery.
   "Good mohning, crahss!" he began with his not-the-least-bit-exaggerated
Chinese accent.  "Tohday een evira cookry we ah goink to mayk EEVIRA CAHPCAKES,
yah.  You staht by-a taking you EEVIRA EYGG BEATAH to meex two EEVIRA EYGGS..."
   Suddenly, a midgit burst into the room.  But not just an ordinary midgit. 
This was a MAGIC MIDGIT.  But not just ordinary magic that teleports you places
and gives you a headache.  This kind of magic was the kind that makes you feel
fulfilled to your very soul, as if you had finally found the one man who could
take you to realms that you could visit only in dreams and acid trips.  This
was the magic that the midgit had, and the midgit's name was Sharkman.
   Immediately Sharkman executed a stunning and hard to describe maneuver that
effectively changed the color of his jacket.  His next attack, however, turned
out to be a lot more impressive.  In an instant Sharkman stripped off all of
his clothes and, in blatant defiance of the laws of physics, turned to every
student in the classroom and GRABBED MAD CROTCH.  The evil students of Wang
Man's evil cookery class never stood a chance.  Soon they were overcome by the
utter sexiness of what they were witnessing, and all their heads exploded. 
With his subordinates taken care of, Sharkman then turned to Wang Man.
   "It's over, Wang Man!" Sharkman shouted with his beautiful child-frightening
voice.  "Take me to your master or feel the power of my awesome crotch!"
   "Ah, you weel-a nevah destloy me!" Wang Man screamed.  No sooner than he
denied the ultimatum given to him, Wang Man was blinded by the glory of
Sharkman's pure body and crotch.  Being a Robot Master, however, Wang Man did
not fall immediately to Sharkman's power, but instead partook of Sharkman's
glory for at least an hour until he finally whispered in the mighty midgit's
ear, "Mye mahstah ees een the roohm nehxt to thees wahn.  Prease-a tayke me."
   Sharkman wasted no time.  He shot Wang Man in the head and moved on.

   At the same time Steve was raping the Guru.  WITH SEXY RESULTS!!!

   Meanwhile, in Dr. Wily's classroom, the twisted and evil archnemesis
continued his lesson.  "Now, class, I will demonstrate how to be twisted and
evil."  With that, he proceeded to stand there, and be twisted and evil.
   Meanwhile, the world-famous Stoner Guy was busy repairing his creation, Bong
Man, who had also been destroyed by our midgit hero.  Well, if "repairing"
meant "raping his eye socket", anyway.
   As if inexorably summoned by the mention of his stature, Sharkman burst into
Dr. Wily's classroom and pointed at the twisted and evil man standing there
being twisted and evil.  "You!  You are twisted and evil!" he shouted, "And you
are my arch-nemesis!  Thus I will destroy you!"
   Dr. Wily's train of thought was interrupted and he forgot to be twisted and
evil, thus reverting back to just plain evil.  He looked at Sharkman and
waggled his eyebrows in a creepily seductive manner.  "You pathetic fool!" he
said just plain evilly, "I'm not your arch-nemesis.  Dr. Billy or whatever is."
   "Oh yeah!" said Sharkman, who then had a quickie with the sloppy eyesocket
of Bong Man and then teleported away to have wacky adventures with his jailbait
sister and multitalented pet ToastyFrog.
   As it usually happens, the world chose that time to explode.

   Later, Dr. Wily flew up to The Guru in his little toy saucer and waggled his
eyebrows seductively.
   "Oh baby!" cried The Guru, who ripped off his clothes and jumped into the
cramped little flyee thing with Dr. Wily, where they both remained all night.


-Brentai, the BBS's Definitive Hentai

Post : [1][4] 5/42
Subj : Y'all can kiss my ass.
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 11:20 pm MST

Thaddeus R. R. Boyd retired, for the evening, from working on his latest
artistic endeavor, entitled A Detailed Set of Essays Chronicling Why Every
Living Creature and Inanimate Object On God's Green Earth Can Lick Me.  He
exchanged his contact lenses for glasses, and, peering at his reflection,
observed that they, coupled with his pathetic six-week-old growth of scraggly
facial hair and the unkempt mass on his head that didn't quite get along with
his comb, made him look exactly like a mad scientist.  Thad further observed
that, through slight changes in facial expression, he could fluctuate which
KIND of mad scientist he looked like: Evil, bitter, nihilistic genius;
reclusive and socially maladjusted nut who saves everybody at the last possible
second; indifferent philosopher-type who helps whichever side aids him in
getting some.

...Then he brushed his teeth and reinserted his retainers for the first time in
a month.  From there on in, opening his mouth rather ruined the effect, except
possibly for the second type.  In any case, he looked like a confused college
student pondering his place in life...which he was.

On a hillside somewhere, Eric Idle hung from a crucifix singing "Always Look On
the Bright Side of Life".  It was the best ending to any film in history; if it
wasn't a singular #1, it was certainly tied for the position.

The world turned, pointlessly, it seemed.  Another thoroughly average day drew
to a close.  Schrodinger's Cat and Pavlov's Dog continued their routine, giving
ulcers to any man pondering the question of fate or free will.

Far away, Dr. Billy, aided by his sex slave Girard, enjoyed his ill-gotten
gains.  He lacked Dr. Wily's presence, but Wily's brand of evil genius was a
dying breed.  Dr. Billy was the wave of the future...a future ruled from Dweebo
the Geek's Clubhouse.

Unknown to Dr. Billy's incredibly relaxed mind, a force of America's finest was
wending its way toward his fortress...

"There's a robot patrolling the grounds," Duke muttered.  "Sgt.
Slaughter...this one's yours."

Sgt. Slaughter complied.  With a grunt, he elbow-dropped the robot several
times.

Suddenly, the Joes were surrounded by reinforcements.

...It took about three seconds for them to determine that the robots crumbled
to dust at as simple a gesture as a tap on the shoulder.  ...Sgt. Slaughter
still preferred the elbow-drop maneuver, as he was a badass like that.

"We're past the outer perimiter," Duke muttered.  "Time to initiate phase two. 
Send in...SNOWJOB."







Thad


Post : [1][4] 6/42
Subj : Dr. Goldfoot, The Holy Trinity, And The Masslessmune.
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Jan 25 2001 11:44 pm MST

"Thad, that self-serving shit at the start of that last entry can lick m
warm, inviting anus," Steve said as he lovingly planted his foot in Thad's
ass.  It was Thursday.  This meant that the Holy Trinity didn't do anything
except for sit around and think about what to put on their bitter webpages,
but today there was an emergency.  They knew that there was an emergency
because of the sudden change in theme music and the fact that the Alert
Trouble! was beeping.  Brent took a break from masturbating to furry porn
to answer it.

"Hey, guys!" Brent called out, and Steve and Thad stopped playing their rousing
game of Slime Time: The Home Edition.  "Take a look at this motherfucker!"

"Dude, that's fucking Vincent Price," Steve said in the utterly sarcastic way
that only he could say things, "And he's dressed like fucking Dr. Goldfoot.
From that fucking movie with Dr. Goldfoot.  Hey, Vincent Price, do you have
any sexy go-go dancers in gold thongs?"

"Shut up," said Dr. Goldfoot/Vincent Price, "And listen.  The GI Joe
squad force is trying to break into Dr. Billy's lab so they can have
Girard's sweet ass all to themselves.  If they get it, the homoeroticness
of KateStory XI will increase exponentially until all of it is about
gay sex.  You have to stop them!"

"What?" asked Brad, who was busy having wild gay sex with his evil clone, Luke,
"We have to stop them!"

-+-

Dr. Wily and the Guru were still going at it, meanwhile.  Bong Man showed up,
and they gave him a quickie before going back to consumating their sweet, sweet
love.

-+-

Meanwhile, the Frog Formerly Known As Glenn But Was Now A Greek Symbol raised
The Masslessmune towards the heavens, and after delivering a rousing speach
about how he was going to kick ass, ended up in Dr. Billy's lab by traveling
through a Plot Hole.

"Hey, it's a fucking frog!" said Dr. Billy, "Let's eat it!"

Steve will let those of you who want to play along at home make your own
explicit sexual reference here.

-+-

"Why do you swear so much, Steve?" Thad asked.

"Because.  If I didn't swear so much, how could I be the comedy relief?"
Everybody laughed heartily at this, and Dr. Goldfoot, who had since joined
the Holy Trinity in the Fortress Of Crapitude, gave all of them a go-go girl
in a gold bikini to dance with.  Igor cued up the dance music and a rousing
go-go dance scene ensued.

-+-

Around this time the GI Joe strike team burst into Dr. Billy's office, to find
him and Girard preforming obscene sex acts with a dead frog that looked like
a greek symbol.

"Holy fuck!" said Sargent Slaughter, "I haven't seen anything like this since
I had that ten-cent hooker back in 'Nam!"  He promptly passed out, dreaming
warm dreams of the flaming jungle and smoking pot with Bong Man.

"Jesus Christ," said Snow Job, "They haven't even noticed us.  Let' sjust
shoot Dr. Billy and get the homoeroic boy for ourselves."

"Good idea," the unconcious Sgt. Slaughter said in his dream, "Because
that means Steve can stop writing this shit and go back to sliming Brentai."

--

And the Guru and Dr. Wily continued their love long into the night.


Post : [1][4] 7/42
Subj : The Fire Temple Reveals You Innermost Desires
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Fri Jan 26 2001 07:08 pm MST

RE: Dr. Goldfoot, The Holy Trinity, And The Masslessmune.
BY: Maxl to All on Thu Jan 25 2001 11:44 pm

   In keeping with the trend of KateStories having recurring characters and
KateStory XI having a ludicrous amount of gay sex, Kelly and Billy were having
anal sex.  Which wasn't exactly gay, but it was anal.
   Unfortunately, Billy's wang was a magic wang.

   "Here, let's give this kid to Duke first, because he has a stupid name,"
SnowJob said.  Duke sort of looked at him and said nothing.
   Instead, he worked off his Combat Pants or what the hell ever he wears and
exposed his tiny, tiny phallus.  All the Joes laughed, except SnowJob, because
I just like mentioning his name a lot.
   After the jokes stopped, the Joes proceeded to hold down the naked and
flaming homosexual loveslave, Girard.  They even licked him in an obscene
manner, because doing things in an obscene manner is funny.  Duke then gently
grabbed the homo boy's ass and initiated... THE SEX.
   As soon as Duke's wang entered into the hot love canal, however, all hell
broke loose.  The window's opened, lightning flashed, chandaliers fell on
passing Belmont's and basically all the symptoms of a sudden violent demonic
coming happened in full force.  There was no sight, only the FEELING of a
presence, sort of like when a horribly ugly chick is giving you a blow job and
you can stare right at her and your mind will block her out of your vision,
effectively making it seem like you're being blown by an unseen force.  Not
that that's ever happened to me.
   A voice rang out from the Heavens.  "ARE YOU A FLAMING HOMO?" it boomed.
   "Actually, I'm a homophobic Southern boy.  I'm just doing this because, like
all homophobes, I just do what everyone else is doing.  And all my friends want
me to fuck this little boy."
   "FOOOOOOOOOOL!!!" the voice cried, and the room started to shake.  In a
purely comedic moment, since normally the Joes would be running like hell out
of there, SnowJob turned to look at Duke.
   "Duke," he said, "When someone asks you if you're a flaming homo, ALWAYS SAY
YES!"
   "Easy for YOU to say!" Duke screamed while running like hell out of there
along with the rest of the Joes.  SnowJob finally realized that he, too, should
consider retreating, but the delay coupled with his ridiculous ski/boots
rendered him unable to escape.  He and the jokes about his name perished under
the cataclysmic collapse of Dr. Billy's lab.
   Nobody knew nor cared what happened to Girard, but most assumed that he
enjoyed his fate.

   Meanwhile, Thad and Steve were pelvic thrusting into each other, Brad was
joyously assreaming the semievil Luke, and Vincent Price was applying makeup to
Brentai, who was looking in the mirror and furiously masturbating.
   Suddenly Brad stopped what he was doing and looked around.  "Hey, guys, what
was that mysterious Deus Ex Machina force that wrapped up the G.I. Joe
subplot?"
   There was a long silence about the room.  Finally Thad spoke up, "Eh,
someone'll figure it out later."
   "Works for me! " Brad said, and everyone continued what they were doing. 
Then Brad stopped again.  "And another thing," he said, "Why are we all
involved in blatantly homoerotic actions?"
   "Because it's funny?" Brentai answered.
   "But... it's not."
   There was a longer, much more throbbing pause.  Finally Brent whispered,
"You're right.  It's not."
   And then they all stopped.

   Dr. Wily and The Gurur were supposedly still having sex.  Frankly I don't
give a shit.



Some folks get lots of sex... some are virgins when they die... like Brentai,
the slack-jawed Hentai!

Post : [1][4] 8/42
Subj : In Search of the PLOT!  Part XXX.
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Sun Jan 28 2001 11:06 pm MST

It was Sunday.  Normally the Holy Trinity had wild gay sex with animals on
Sunday, but since Brent had decided that gay sex wasn't as great as everybody
seemed to think it was, that had stopped.  Thad was off complaining about
something and making jokes his flawless computerized mind had come up with over
the weekend to Luke and Brad, and Brentai was having hillariously straight sex
with animals.  Steve, however, was inspecting Dr. Goldfoot's infamous bikini
machine.

"So, wait - you just push a button and a hot robot chick comes out?" Steve
asked, wonder in his eyes.  Dr. Goldfoot/Vincent Price looked away from his
groupies for a moment to nod.  "Wow!" Steve continued, "I bet you could make a
fortune marketing this to geeky bastard who have nothing to do except for write
stories about hillarious sex on the weekend."  He considered for a moment. 
"So can I try it?"

"Why the hell should I care?" said Dr. Goldfoot, "I'm going to go off and have
hillariously straight sex with my groupies.  Just don't fuck it up."  And so
Dr. Goldfoot went off to have hillariously straight sex, as promised.

Steve considered again.  Unfortunately, he wasn't considering long before the
mighty midget known as Sharkman made a cameo appearance, thankfully clothes in
his usual sexy midget outfit.  "Hey, it's Sharkman!" said Steve, and the cheezy
applause tape played in the background.

"Shut up, bitch!  Your webpage sucks ass!' Sharkman said, and promptly left. 
While the obligatory laugh track was playing, Steve creamed his shorts, and
didn't notice that Billy and Kelly had appeared - also thankfully well-dressed.

"Aww, fuck.  And I finaly got to bone you," Billy complained.  Kelly just
looked at him strangely.

"Oh, god.  Not another one of these goddamned stupid stories," Kelly said,
"We're going to get blown up or forced to have more hillariously gay straight
sex again!"

"I don't have a problem with that," Billy said.  "Well, the sex part, anyway."

Steve continued to feverantly ignore Billy and Kelly, poking madly at the
bikini machine, trying to get it to work.  "Gah!  Why won't this fucking thing
turn on?"  Billy came over and pushed one of the buttons, and the machine
started to whirr.  "Hey thanks.. wait, who the fuck are you?"

There was no time to answer, as at that moment SnowJob came out ofthe machine,
so that Brent could make more jokes about his really funny name.

"Well, I guess I'm done writing this shit," Steve said, turning off the
machine, "I hope you're fucking happy, Brent."


Post : [1][4] 9/42
Subj : Maleophonix vs. the Pop Culture References.
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Mon Jan 29 2001 07:35 pm MST

Suddenly, Steve started sobbing uncontrolably.  "What's wrong?" Billy asked.

"KateStory XI sucks, and it's all my fault!" Steve wailed.  "There's been too
much gay sex, and too much stupidity, and not enough pop culture and NOBODY has
made any references to Squaresoft games yet!"

So the universe exploded, as it seemed to enjoy doing when KateStories got
really fucking bad.

----

LOGIC sighed.  His job was getting extrordinarily boring, what with how the
author-avatars of the latest KateStory were blowing up the universe without him
even intervening, or getting a chance to complain about how Billy's wang
couldn't be a magic wang, due to the fact that Billy had happily masturbated
for years without being teleported anywhere.  Of course, he was also deeply
upset that everybody had ignored him when he made chandileers fall on the Joes
and killed Girard and SnowJob.  And he and been doing such a good job of being
a demon, too, so that he could later disprove the existance of demons.

LOGIC fumed quietly, and reached over to push a button on his speakerphone. 
The phone dialed and rang a few times, and an evil voice answered.  But it
wasn't twisted and evil- just plain evil.  "Yes?"  the evil voice said. It
souned a lot like Vincent Price, probably because it was Vincnt Price.

"Un, look, Mr. Price.." LOGIC started to say, "Can you do something highly
illogical and stupid, so I can blow up the world?"

"No," Vincent Price answered, and there was the sad buzzing noise that told
LOGIC he had hung up.  The faceless, bodyless entity of all that was unholy and
impure in a KateStory sighed again.  He took a number out of his pocket - it
had been given to him buy another nice, faceless entity, who had the same
Snoopy lunchbox as he did.  He dialed it.

"Hello, Maleophonix's dry cleaning and nuclear waste removal," a horribly
off-key voice half-sang.  LOGIC hung up.

Somewhere a dog barked.  John S. Hall beat the shit out of Martin Scorsase. 
And LOGIC was upset that another girl had given him the number of a laundromat.
 He put on his coat and went out to get get drunk.  And Steve decided that he
had done enough, and stopped writing.  For now.


Post : [1][4] 10/42
Subj : Something to do until I can find Groundhog Day on cable.
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Feb 02 2001 11:22 am MST

X dashed, jumped, and jump-dashed on, bewteen, and over the cars in the parking
lot by the UU.  "Jesus!" he muttered.  "It's not even lunchtime, you dumb
bastards!  It's a quarter after 11!"

Wending his way through the snow-filled streets, at last he made it to his
objective...the giant double-doors that Mavericks always saw fit to enclose
themselves in.

...X paused briefly to power up his X-Buster and idly wonder why the hell Dr.
Cain had to make so damn many anthropomorphic animal Reploids.  I mean, fer
cryin' out loud, like only one Maverick in twenty is humanoid.

X dashed through the door and came face-to-face with Shadow Groundhog. 
Groundhog said a series of moderately stupid and cliche things, and then X shot
him.  ...Groundhog had the power to change the weather at will, which was a
rather cool idea for a Maverick weapon, but sadly, it just turned out to be one
more dumbass ice weapon wielded by an indescribably weak Maverick.

X dispatched the bejesus out of Shadow Groundhog, then moved on to his next
objective...Crazy Old Guy, Thad's math teacher.

Meanwhile, somewhere, Thad wondered why the fuck nobody was showing Groundhog
Day on Groundhog Day.




Thad

Post : [1][4] 11/42
Subj : guess what i did this weekend
To   : All
From : Nedlinpopo #6
Date : Mon Feb 05 2001 09:48 am MST

And shortly thereafter James shut off his SNES.  "Whoa this game keeps getting
wierder all the time."  Silently he wondered if maybe he got a bum copy of
MegamanX off eBay.
"This new old game is phreaky, hmmm."
He popped out the MegaMan Cart, and put in FF3(which is 6 in Japan, and
#finalfight.)
"OH YESSSSSS!!" he shouted as the realization that his new asciiware controller
had autofire, suddenly hit him.
"mmm... Lete River Trick"

...

The next morning James woke up and checked on thier progress.  "2800, WOOHOO!."
The pain from his now, much larger hands on the supernintendo controller, was a
small price to pay for childhood dreams being fulfilled.

Editor:  Guess what I did this weekend?

Now you can also see why I never post, and i got a D in ENG101.  

-James


Post : [1][4] 12/42
Subj : I'm Just Doing This to Say That I Did
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Tue Feb 06 2001 02:57 pm MST

   Unfortunately, due to having appeared in a KateStory, James' copy of
FF3/whatever was subject to being manipulated by anyone from KateStory... and
some dudes from KateStory LIKED to manipulate things.

   "Correction: the Empire is already here!" Locke said, because Brent hadn't
played the game in a longassed time and couldn't remember every single word. 
He walked into the Elder's house, his inexplicably strong companion Celes
following close behind.  Then he gaped.
   "What happened to you guys?" he whispered in awe.
   "1337 r1v3r 7r1<k d00d!" Edgar replied, "U wI11 p433r u$ n0w w3 0wn u!!!"
   Locke sank to his knees and nearly started to cry.  "This is nuts," he
sobbed, "First I see this chick that looks like the woman I stupidly got killed
in my tragic backstory, so I try to talk to her and she whoops my ass from here
to Vector.  Now I meet up with you guys and you're all psycho-strong too!  WHAT
AM I MISSING HERE?"
   "4@ 4@ u r ju$7 n07 31337 1ik3 u$," Sabin gloated, "bu7 d0n'7 w0rry w3 w0n'7
h@x0r u."  Sabin patted Locke on the shoulder, and accidentally broke the poor
thief's clavicle.
   As the entire ensemble was busy making 'd00d w3 r 31337' quips, however,
they didn't notice the glowing, pestilent light starting to emit from one of
the walls.  Whatsisface and the Elder noticed, however, and silently made their
escape before a figure could emerge from the portal.  What eventually emerged
was a shadowy being, composed mostly of a gently billowing, floating mass of
black ooze.  For a face it had half a crumbling mask depicting the most evil
grin imaginable.  From its back sprouted one perfect angel's wing.
   Without a sound, the monster floated silently towards the group until its
darkness covered them in shadow.  That is when everybody finally looked up and
took notice of the beast.
   "d00d wu7 i$ 74@7?" said Terra.
   A moment's complete silence passed.  Then, finally, the thing spoke.  It
sounded exactly like Orson Welles.  "I... am a shadow of what is known as
LOGIC.  I am here to deny your right to the power you possess.  How did you
spend a weekend on a raft hunting birds and come out with enough power to
destroy the Gods themselves?  Your strength is illogical and I demand you give
it up to me."
   "740u <@n$7 b3 @$ 31337 @$ u$!  W3 $4@17 4@x0r374 7433!" Cyan screamed
unintelligably.
   "FOOLS!  You dare defy LOGIC itself?  See the consequences of your
rebellion!"  LOGIC formed a hand from its oozey body and pointed a finger at
Locke, who was already passed out bleeding on the floor.  There was a brief
flash and where Locke once laid was now a bit of a pit with nasty bits in it.
   Locke's companions were, understandably, not too impressed.
   "u r p13< 0f fuk 1@m3r!!!" Celes cried, "u wi1 d3i in h311!!!!!"
   And so the battle begun.


Brentai the Hentai (How come nobody else ever picked up on the 1337 River?)

Post : [1][4] 13/42
Subj : Steve decides to post.. AGAIN.
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Mon Feb 19 2001 08:11 pm MST


It was Monday.

Monday was the day when the Holy Trinity finally stoped laughing from the
fucking shit Brent wrote god knows when, but they finally stopped laughing. 
Steve paused. "Wait a minute - wasn't that LOGIC in the last bit, trying to get
back his power or whatever from the 31337 h4x0rz?"  Everybody burst out
laughing again at the incredibly stupid leetspeak, and Steve kicked Thad in the
head.  Because he could, since it was a KateStory, and he wanted Thad to write
another bit.

But alas, that is not our story.  Our story begins with the last KateStory bit
- wich is actually odd for a KateStory, which is why it has to be mentioned. 
LOGIC was busy trying to pummel Terra into the ground with his massive black..
thing, whatever the fuck it was, and failing.  He was sobbing.  "It was a
laundromat!  You bitch!" He wailed.  Finally the rest of the 31337 FF6 |<ru
started beating the shit out of him.

"D00d u <4n g0 2 h31!!111!" Celes screamed, "w3 0wnz0r ur @$$!"

LOGIC kept sobbin, and eventally was sliced to bits by Cyan, who Steve didn't
feel like representing in leetspeak, so he didn't say anything, but rather
posed dramatically and homoerotically against the background.  Everybody
clapped, but their own eminse power caused their hands to explode when they
smacked together, and everybody died.

-+-

Back in the Fort of Crapitude, Thad stroked what seemed like a beard but really
wasn' - it was, in actuality, a month of stubble.  Or two months.  Nobody was
really sure, but it didn't matter anyway.

"I would like, if I may," he began, "To take you on a strange journey."

"How strange was it?" some idiot in the audience yelled out.
"So strange that Steve doesn't want to write it!" came a reply.


-- Steve: Brent, I'm not writing any more of this shit at your request ever
again.  You can all bite me, wankers.

Post : [1][4] 14/42
Subj : One more reason to kick Thad's ass:
To   : All
From : Nedlinpopo #6
Date : Wed Feb 21 2001 08:28 am MST

He also hasn't updated in nearly a month.  C'mon, there's no way he got a life
and forgot us in that short of a span.  I know i've been trying for years
now...

-James


Post : [1][4] 15/42
Subj : Whoopie Ass Shit
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Thu Feb 22 2001 10:35 am MST

I haven't updated in a month, and I don't even have a pair of tits to whine
about losing.  Laziness is no indicator of a social life.

Brentai the Hentai "I need Win98SE and a skeet launcher."

Post : [1][4] 16/42
Subj : Of fuk is webpages!
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Feb 22 2001 11:14 pm MST

While we're having the not-updating contest, I've not updated my page in any
real signifcant way for almost five months.  Take that, fuckers.  Add in the
fact that it's probably the only Holy Trinity webpage non-Trinity assholes
read, and that makes me some kind of fucking god.  Which means you can blame
yourself.. or me.

- Steve: BLAME ME!


Post : [1][4] 17/42
Subj : Wait..
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Feb 22 2001 11:15 pm MST

....Why the fuck tis this thread in KateStory?  Not that it matters, since it's
pretty dead by now.



Post : [1][4] 18/42
Subj : Hey, I'm not a member, and I read everybody's pages
To   : All
From : Nedlinpopo #6
Date : Fri Feb 23 2001 08:47 am MST

Now don't you feel stupid.  Plus I Know alot of people in #finalfight read the
WoSS.

-James: Actually, It's probably My fault.


Post : [1][4] 19/42
Subj : Yeah, Sharkey Once Asked Me to Update
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Fri Feb 23 2001 10:39 am MST

I think he was on the Moxie at the time, though.

Suddenly Kelly and Billy appeared.
"What happen?" said Kelly.
"Somebody set up us the next part!" screamed Billy.
And then the Earth exploded.

Brentai the Hentai - Enjoy your face while I'm not ROCKING IT!!!

Post : [1][4] 20/42
Subj : Ummm, actually...
Attr : Read  
To   : Maxl
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Feb 23 2001 01:55 pm MST

RE: Of fuk is webpages!
BY: Maxl to All on Thu Feb 22 2001 11:14 pm

I found that a number of people on #finalfight had played my Zelda quest before
I even ever showed up there.

Moral: Steve is a dumb egomaniacal bastard.  (Duh.)




Thad

Post : [1][4] 21/42
Subj : Ow.
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Fri Feb 23 2001 05:02 pm MST

And to think I wondered why I stoped bothering, once.  Go figure.

Steve, proud to say 'U R FUK!'.

Post : [1][4] 22/42
Subj : KateStory: The Legend of Volteccer
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Sat Feb 24 2001 10:32 pm MST

   Then, for reasons nobody knew, probably because nobody had been paying much
attention to the story, the Fortress of Craptitude in which the Holy Trinity
were based lifted out of its foundation and was levitated - by strings - into
outer space and, who knows, maybe time itself.
   In the middle of the dust and smoke left behind by the sudden upheavel,
Brentai arose.  He was dressed in women's negligee for reasons nobody really
knew but, given the Trinity's recent actions, were probably able to guess.  He
crawled through the dust and haze to a smoldering computer tower which was
lying in the middle of the wreckage.  Exhausted, Brentai collapsed onto the
tower.  Then he raised his pitiful, soot-covered face to the sky and started to
sing.
   o~/ I've done a lot...
       Although I suck...
       To fix this bitch...
       But I got fucked.
       And all I kno-ow, is inside, I am blee-ee-ding. o~/
   Somewhere else in the disastrous wreckage, Steve, also in transvestite garb,
crawled sensuously without any real aim.  He seemed to look like there was
something worth finding in the desolation, however.  As he crawled, he too
sang.
   o~/ And William H. Gates...
       Comes to eat...
       The balls of users...
       Whom he defeats...
       And all I kno-ow, is still, the beast is fee-ee-ding. o~/
   In the middle of the smoke and fire lay Thad, conveniently crippled by the
catastrophe.  He lay comically, gaping like a fish and struggling to get up,
while around him Steve kept crawling and Brentai proceeded to beat the defunct
box with a very large hammer.  And so the mist claimed them all.
   When it cleared, there was not a desolated area but instead a grand and
professional study, inhabited by only one living being: a giant disembodied
neck.  And the neck spoke.
   "And compiling... for entire weeks... some assholes... called computer
geeks... in math they're strong... and in love they're weak.  And hopeless."
   Somewhere in the world, somebody also whispered, "Hopeless."
   And so one more story ended.


Brentai the Hentai, Master of Fucking Up Computers

Post : [1][4] 23/42
Subj : ...Let's try again!
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Sat Mar 03 2001 11:44 pm MST

Steve was pissed.  The BBS had timed out on his message for some reason, and
now he was going to have to write it again.  And he was sure that it wouldn't
be nearly as good this time, which is saying quite a bit.  So he went back to
making a stupid pop culture reference only him and Brentai would get.

Finally the Fortress of Crapitude landed again, and everybody got up from
wiggling around sexily on the ground.  However, with the Fortress of Crapitude
came two sexy old men, dressed only in cheap cardboard box outfits that made
them look like incredibly blocky robots from a cheap 1950s movie.  Or from the
Broadway adaption of Joe's Garage, featuring robots.

"I am the Tim Curry robot," said the first disturbingly sexy old man, "I am
here to protect you.  I am here to protect you from the terrible secret of sex.
 I fuck the blind people."

"I am the Richard O'Brien robot," said the second, "I am here to protect you. 
I am here to protect you from the terrible secret of sex.  I shove cock down
their throats."

"I have fucked many humans."

"I have fellated many more."

"But humans are protected. Humans have got it up the ass."

"Humans have gone down on cock."

The two disturbingly sexy men bumped their disturbingly sexy bodies together,
and the disturingly sexy cardboard boxes also bumped eachother.  The robots
vanished.

"Must have been magic cardboard boxes," Thad said.  Everybody shrugged.  And
then there was a great booming voice, and more chandeliers fell on Belmonts. 
Snow Job got killed again.  Vincent Price had sex with some more of his
groupies.

"Oh, fuck."  Steve said.  Brent said it too.  Snow Job also said it, but he was
dead.

"FOOOOOLS!" LOGIC screamed as he came into being, "How can two humans dressed
in cardboard be considered robots?  It is illogical!  Why, to be a robot a
human would have to at least paint the cardboard silver!"

"...Maybe you should get some friends, LOGIC.  You can't keep appearing in
shitty stories," Steve said.

"FOOOOOLS!" LOGIC screamed again, "It is illogical that the friendless losers
writing this shit should say something like that!"

Everybody ended up crying, and it was very sad.

The moral: Don't be an idiot.
          Also, do not suck Richard O'Brien's cock.


Post : [1][4] 24/42
Subj : KateStory isn't dead yet!  It feels hap-pyyy!
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Fri Mar 16 2001 11:04 pm MST

RE: ...Let's try again!
BY: Maxl to All on Sat Mar 03 2001 11:44 pm

     It was Friday.
     Friday was the day that Billy Von Garda decided to invade the capital
building of the small nation of Kazakhstan and destroy the Soviet Politboro
inside.  He couldn't remember exactly why he did this.  It had been long since
the novelty of watching Gorbachev inexplicably turn himself into a symbolic
sub-boss had worn off.  Now it had just become part of his weekly routine:
train, rest, assassinate Russians, rest.  It wasn't much of a life, but it was
a life nonetheless and Billy figured it was better than nothing.
     Today he had taken a wrong turn at Kenya and wound up somewhere in Hong
Kong.
     He took a moment to assess the current situation.  He was holding on for
dear life to a small hook that had been cleaved into the bottom of a speeding
aircar 600 feet above the ground.  Above him, on the roof of the car, were
three beautiful and highly-trained Chinese assassin women waiting patiently for
his arrival.  Also, a small battalion of little flying robots with cannons
attached to them were steadily approaching.
     Billy took a deep breath, flipped up to place his legs on the hood of the
car, unhooked the grapple and quickly pulled the rest of his body up, at the
same time drawing his katana and pivoting to face the assassing who had started
to attack him.
     One stroke... two strokes and the woman was dead.  Her body limply fell
off the top of the car and became lost in the air.
     This, however, went unnoticed by Billy as he pivoted again to face another
enemy who was diving out of nowhere towards him with a pair of knives aimed at
his throat.  Billy thrust out his sword at the woman impaled herself on it.  He
then flicked his sword downwards and the corpse slid off of it and into
relative oblivion.
     At this point Billy heard a soft thud behind him, signalling the arrival
of the third and final assassin.  He ducked low and began one final about-face,
bringing his sword around and up for a powerful slash to the neck.  The blow,
however, never landed.  Instead, it stopped about an inch from its intended and
somewhat stunned target.  There was a sudden quiet moment.
     Billy noticed that this woman was not Chinese.  She was a young Caucasian
girl with red hair and a look about her that suggested that whatever might
happen, she was ready to deal with it.  Despite this, she looked more than a
little surprised as she stared at Billy with his sword about to cut her head
off.
     "Kelly?" Billy said, humoring those few of you who couldn't guess the
identity of the girl.
     Unfortunately for our unfortunate heroes, as Kelly and Billy had been
locked in mortal combat they had forgotten to take notice that the driver of
the aircar that had so graciously provided the locale for their battle had not
reacted calmly to having a ninja suddenly jump onto her hood, and thus had
steered recklessly into the right lane, wherein the aircar collided head-on
with another and consequently pitched Kelly and Billy off the roof and into the
open air, where they fell and tumbled helplessly until finally crashing head
first into a neon Coca-Cola sign.
     It was NOT a magic neon Coca-Cola sign.  It exploded spactacularly,
sending off great big sparks and charging Kelly and Billy with quite a few
volts of electricity.  However, the discharge from the sign, combined with
Kelly's mysterious locket and the unexplained substance given off by Billy's
blade, not to mention traces of vast artificially induced improbability fields
in the area, simulated the overall effect of a magic neon Coca-Cola sign quite
nicely.  Kelly and Billy were, thus, transported to another point in space and
time.

     They were standing in the middle of the great dusty plains of the Mojave
Desert, a ninja and a Chinese acrobat-assassin bitch person.  They were out of
place, but they did not seem bothered by it.  It was almost as if they were
used to it.
     Off in the distance they saw movement, and decided to check it out.  What
they found was two sexy old men wearing cardboard boxes that looked as if they
had been hastily painted silver.  The sexy old man saw them and stood up.
     "I am the Tim Curry robot.  I fuck the blind people," said the first man.
     "I am the Richard O'Brien robot.  I shove cock down their throats," said
the second man.
     Kelly and Billy then beat the shit out of both of them, took their food
and water and started walking in the direction where they figured civilization
would most likely be in.  Billy's chivalry went down by 23, but he didn't seem
to care very much.


Brentai the Hentai, Bitch!

Post : [1][4] 25/42
Subj : Mmmmmm...tangential.
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Mar 16 2001 11:52 pm MST

Thad, sitting at his crappy Compaq 486 laptop, decided to completely ignore
Brent's chapter.  He had, some days before, decided to finally post the
skeletal framework for a fic idea he'd had some years ago but would never
actually get around to writing.

Abruptly, the narrative and tense changed.


All right, here's the idea.  Mobius: a planet similar to our own, but host to
legions of anthropomorphic animals, as well as a few humanoids, sustained on
the life-energy of multi-colored gems.

Enter Robotnik, an alien human.  Hitleresque, he convinces the Mobian humanoids
that all their problems are caused by the furs.  Offering them a solution, he
shortly becomes their leader, and it is not long before he holds most of Mobius
in his sweaty grip.

In short order, he erects Robotropolis, a floating city of humanoids, pumping
the life's blood out of the planet.  The furs are forced to either serve as
domestic servants or live in the slums beneath the city.  Thus, the humanoids
come to be called Overlanders.

...Had I ever written this as a story, this all would have been handled in
exposition, and it would have begun with the introduction of Sonic, a
spikey-headed rebel, to the ranks of an underground resistance movement known
as the Maverick Hunters.

The Maverick Hunters' leader?  A seriously dour robot by the name of X, mad as
hell, covered in battlescars, most notably a mismatched gatling gun bolted onto
one wrist where a true arm cannon should've been.  Other Maverick Hunters
include Rotor Walrus, Hector Bobcat, and Amanda Keystone.

X explains the threat of Robotnik.  Sonic explains that he doesn't give a rat's
ass, and supplies exposition about his membership in Robotnik's military.

Long story short, the Hunters blow up a reactor and head back to their hidden
base below Knothole Tavern, where Sally Acorn holds the fort.  A childhood
crush of Sonic's, she's the only reason he's hanging with this bunch to begin
with.

...I'm afraid I never came up with a good explanation for Marlene.  But she's
there too, whatever equivalent her character may be.

...Anyhow, on a later mission, Sonic gets separated from the other Hunters, and
encounters a real rarity: a human living in the slums.  Her name is Kate, and
she's an orphan; she was raised by a fur named Rosie and still stays with her. 
The catch?  Robotnik's people are looking for her.

...Anyway, I may or may not continue this later.  It's been a long time since I
last went over it in my head; my character parallels are a bit hazy.  Anyhow,
well, Lord, you can see how frickin' long it is even just to describe the basic
plot.  That's why I'm never making it into a Real Story.



Thad

Post : [1][4] 26/42
Subj : Bily and Kelly VS. The Heart of Smurfyness
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Tue Mar 27 2001 09:50 pm MST

It was Wednesday.  Rather, it was Tuesday, but most people would only notice
what was being written on Wednesday.

Billy and Kelly trudged on through the desert, grumbling loudly to eachother. 
"This NEVER would have happened if you hadn't had ass-sex with me, Billy,"
Kelly complained, loudly.  Billy poked at her with his mysterious sword, and
accidentally cut off her hand.

"Whoops," Billy said, "Guess I don't have that much ninja finesse anymore."

Kelly then proceeded to beat the shit out of Billy, because that's what she was
good at.


Meanwhile, deep within the heart of darkest Smurfville, smurfs were being
smurfy.  Mr. Smurf, the largest exporter of smurfberries in the region, had
taken in il on the steamer, and Marsmurf, the captain, was deeply troubled by
this.  "The smurfyness!  The smurfyness!" Mr. Smurf screamed, before going limp
on the bed.  Marsmuyrf looked at him uncomfortably, and left the cabin to go
down tot he dining hall, for a great meal of smurf and smurf.  It wasn't long
before one of the smurf-porters ran down into the dining hall, startiong
everybody there.  "Mista Smurf, he dead!" the smurf-porter cried, and everybody
except for Marsmurf got up to go look.

"Good holy christ in all that is right and fluffy with the world, unlike lies,
which maintain a certian untruth and taint of death to them," Marsmurf said,
"This is preposterously dumb.  Steve would do much better to be scribing, with
ink or perhaps electronically with several bits unlike those which Dr. Nicholas
has ever seen before, his term paper, rather than writing some fanciful bull
about smurfs in Heart of Darkness."

Steve did just that.  Only with less flowery stupid language.


Post : [1][4] 27/42
Subj : BRE is crappy
To   : All
From : Nedlinpopo #6
Date : Tue Apr 03 2001 11:59 am MST

I think that BRE is way to time consuming and confusing to be a ood game,
that's why i'm not playing


Post : [1][4] 28/42
Subj : KateStory XI Part 2: KateStory XII, Brentai & Steve Strike Thad
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Wed Aug 29 2001 10:33 pm MST


It was Wednesday.

This usually meant that Steve would be getting drunk and Brentai
would pretend to be getting drunk, but sadly it was not to be.  Instead
they were playing Serious Sam, and were high on something much more
special and wonderful: FRANTIC ACTION FEELING.  Periodically they
screamed 'KENNNAAAAADA!' or 'TETTSUOOOO!!' at eachother, but that
never lasted long.  Brentai's roomate, being from Wisconsin, didn't
seem to notice or care, and was busy fucking a hat while wearing a
cheese head and a Packers t-shirt.

Unfortunately, this was a KateStory, so things couldn't stay normal for long.

In another part of the world entirely, Billy and Kelly were still
lost in the desert, having decided that it was a good idea to continue
the Strider reference, now that Steve had actually played the fucking
game.  Billy used some of his MAD NINJA SKILLZ to poke Kelly a little with his
sword, which caused her to explode, except that it was really blood.

This was when mysterious Russian surf rock started playing out of nowhere.

Billy, driven by his desire to defeat all Communists and communist-themed
enemies, immedately ran towards the source, which was a mysterious
vigilante who looked a hell of a lot like Buddy Holly and was weilding
a Samurai Sword.

/o~  Ninjva versus samurai ~o/ an incomprehensible voice sang,
and suddenly... the battle began.

This had nothing to do with Steve, Brentai, Thad, or anybody else
who had been mentioned in a KateStory, though.  Of course.

Next: THAD D00D U R FUK UNLEZZ U RITE!!!

Post : [1][4] 29/42
Subj : Gone fishin'.
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Aug 31 2001 12:29 pm MST

Thad was about to leave, so this chapter would likely be short.  Shockingly, it
would also be completely disconnected from the preceding chapter, based
primarily on the fact that Thad knew jack shit about Strider and only vaguely
recalled the last chapter anyway.

Somewhere, somebody tried to sell an unopened box of Urkel-O's on eBay.

Somewhere else, Jay completely failed to say, "Man, she had, like, '70's bush! 
The SECOND rule in that book oughta be 'Trim that shit!'"

This was not a spoiler, because that line was not in the movie.  That was the
whole POINT.  Dumbass.

Meanwhile, Vyse the Badassed led his party of Blue Rogues around the world. 
Science had progressed to the level to allow them a completely badass airship
with all kinds of nasty guns and torpedoes, but for some reason science had yet
to progress to the point where anyone had discovered the world was round.

Science had also failed to adequately explain where exactly all the water
cascading off floating islands came from.

These were not problems that concerned Vyse.  What concerned him was the huge
fucking encounter rate.  "Hey, in Final Fantasy, they don't run into random
battles while flying airships!" he protested.

Aika put her hands on her hips.  "The whole damned overworld in this game
consists of airship travel, Vyse," she said.  "No random encounters in the
overworld is like Chrono Trigger or something."

"Chrono Trigger didn't have any random battles whatsoever," protested Enrique. 
"All the enemies were pre-placed."

The argument went on for some time.  It ended when Vyse suggested that maybe,
just maybe, since the ship's guns could take care of fucking monstrous
battleships with tens of thousands of HP, they might, just MIGHT, be adequate
for shooting those dumbass little squid things with 400 HP.

That was when they branded him a heretic and nearly burned him at the stake.

"Heretic Vyse, I am the heresy examiner.  You have been accused of heresy. 
Come with me to the heresy examiner's office."  Or something like that.

Vyse eventually backed down, but muttered something unintelligible under his
breath about how in Xenogears you could use your giant robot to fuck up tiny
little enemies.

And so the pirates set sail under the menacing flag of a cat with pigtails.

Vyse wondered dimly why the fuck, exactly, he had let Aika design the flag.  On
further thought, he determined he must have been trying to get some.

Post : [1][4] 30/42
Subj : KateStory XXXLOLITASD00D: Revenge of the #1 Niiga
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Tue Sep 04 2001 02:54 pm MST

     Meanwhile, back at the Fortress of Craptitude, Brentai was unamused.
     The reason for this was that he felt that much of the reason the current
KatesStory, which by rights should have choked on its own bile and died months
ago, was so crappy was the entire disjointedness of the entire thing.  He was
therefore loathe to start a new story thread which was mainly pretentious and
had little to do with any previous entries, but in the end he had to give up
and do just that because he had decided that the last two entries were crap and
was tired of pretending that he wasn't the only person writing half-decent
submissions.
     Anyway, this story involved a man named Mr. Shithead the Shithead.

     Mr. Shithead the Shithead was being a shithead one day when the fucking
shithead came across a dude named Crazy Willy.
     "Mr. Shithead the Shithead, you're a shithead, you shithead.  Eat shit and
die, Mr. Shithead the Shithead, you shithead," Crazy Willy said to the
shithead.  Then Mr. Shithead the Shithead turned into an incredibly hairy
standup comic and ate Crazy Willy.  And everybody laughed at this, because when
Mr. Shithead the Shithead turns into a frustrated and dangerous comic, you'd
better fucking laughed.

     Again at the Fortress of Craptitude, Steve fucking laughed.
     He was doing this because, once again, he and Brentai were screaming
"TETSUOOOOO!" and "KANEEEEEEDA!" at each other.  And despite the absolute lack
of novelty of this, Steve and Brentai were fucking laughing.  A nearby
linguistics major's head exploded, but the heretic heresy judge of heresy
concluded that it was the linguistic major's own fucking fault for being
nearby.
     And Mr. Shithead the Shithead ate the entire fucking world, and shit it
out his shithead.



Brentai Shithead, the Shithead

Post : [1][4] 31/42
Subj : ...More on Thieving Skills lost...
Attr : Read  
To   : Morticon
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Sep 07 2001 11:57 am MST

...Deepy said he lost all his Thieving Skills and he hasn't been to Felicity's
for awhile.  I'm really beginning to seriously think that, powergamey and silly
though it may be, Felicity's has nothing to do with the lost stats.  I've sent

an E-Mail to Michael Presslar about the bug, but haven't gotten any response. 
Anyhow...ummmmm...keep track of your skills, I guess, and let me know if you
lose them.  =/




Thad

Post : [1][4] 32/42
Subj : KOMPRESSOR NOT WRITE PART!  KOMPRESSOR GO SLEEP!
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Sat Sep 08 2001 12:24 am MST


Normally Steve would be writing part of KateStory.

But the fact that something off-topic had been posted there upset him greatly.
It upset him a lot.  It upset him more than anything had ever upset him before,
with the exception of the fuckload of homework he had.  In short, it made him
angry.  And when Steve is angry.. he calls the wrath of Kompressor.


"KOMPRESSOR KICK YOUR ASS!!" screamed Kompressor, who kicked Thad's ass
and then promptly left the story.

Meanwhile, Steve decided to give up completely and go back to writing his
webpage update.


Post : [1][4] 33/42
Subj : Katestory X: Aboard the Good Ship WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Tue Sep 11 2001 11:04 am MST

     Kelly was annoyed.  She was very annoyed.
     Billy was annoyed.  He was very annoyed.
     The mysterious samurai, who had identified himself as "Mr. Shithead the
Shithead", was annoyed.  He was very annoyed.  And a shithead.
     They had wandered through the Mojave Desert for weeks and had finally come
across a city.  It was a fairly large city that seemed to be burning in the
midst of several riots.  Off in the distance, the trio could see a large
pyramid-shaped building, a horribly phallic tower, and a menagerie of other
very tall buildings... all of which were crumbling, one by one.
     "Holy shit, it's Las Vegas!" screamed Mr. Shithead while being a shithead.
     "Kelly, this is it!" Billy said excitedly, "We're back home!  We're back
in England!"
     "Um, I believe that this is America, Billy," she corrected.
     "America!  But I don't speak any American!" Billy whined.
     Mr. Shithead smirked.  "Oh, it's totally easy!" he said, "Just speak the
King's English, but every 3 words make sure you add a profanity.  Like this:
Hello, you look FUCK rvishing this fine FUCK late evening."
     Billy stared at Mr. Shithead for a minute.
     "What are you FUCK staring at?" Mr. Shithead FUCK said.
     "I just noticed how pointy your ears are."
     "WHAT?"
     "Nothing, nevermind.  Let's head on down to the city and into the midst of
riots and horrible destruction."
     "Check!" agreed Kelly, and they hopped and skipped into the Holocaust.

     "Ah, there you are," a man said to Kelly and Billy.  He looked extremely
foppish and was apparently bounded to a wheelchair.
     "Excuse me but..." Kelly tried to find the right words for the situation,
"Who the FUCK heck are you?"
     "I... am Dr. Strangeglove."  And with that, he jerked his hand spastically
and GRABBED MAD CROTCH.  "It is good FUCK to see that FUCK you have finally
FUCK... er, may I speak in English?"
     "I don't know FUCK English!" Mr. Shithead whined.
     "Well, screw you.  Anyway, Kelly and Billy, it is good to see that you
have safely found your ways back to our world.  Too bad about the war."
     Kelly blinked.  "What war?"
     "THE WAR YOU'RE NOW PRIVATES IN, MAGGOTS!"
     Kelly and Billy spun around just in time to see the big, beefy,
large-chinned general who immediately pulled two GI helmets out of his pants
and placed them onto Kelly and Billy's head with a cartoonish *boink*.  "GET IN
LINE, MAGGOTS!" he barked.
     "Excuse me, but..."
     "PRIVATES ARE TO BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD!"
     Kelly and Billy looked at each other and shrugged.  It was just too easy.
     "NOW, SLIME!  FORWARD... MARCH!"  And away from the city and into the
unknown they marched.



Brentai IS GOING TO DIE!!!  ARGH!!!

Post : [1][4] 34/42
Subj : Lovecraft, baaaa-byyyyy...Lovecraft, baby!
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Tue Sep 11 2001 01:47 pm MST

     Somewhere, a man listening to his car radio and heard that the Pentagon
had been hit.  He ran 23 red lights, and tried desperately to fill the missing
hole in the frame with a chalk line...but it was too late.  Yog Sothoth was
free.
     Thad searched vainly for the exact passage, but skimming an 800-page book
is an exercise in failure.  So he figured paraphrasing it would be sufficient.
     All-American Air Force boy Guile, portrayed by Jean-Claude Van Damme,
rallied his troops to attack...ummmmm...somebody or other.  The US government
wasn't exactly sure who they wanted to bitchslap, but they were pretty sure it
was ragheads.
     Thad felt he should probably add more, but really, that was a pretty good
ending for this part.




Thad

Post : [1][4] 35/42
Subj : KateStory XI: Oh fuck, there's an I there.
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Tue Sep 11 2001 09:32 pm MST

     "Excuse me, Generic Military Person Guile, sir," said Billy timidly, "Just
who are we at war with?"
     "WE ARE AT WAR WITH!" Guile shouted, and then stopped.  It was obvious
that he, like the rest of his beloved country, had no fucking idea who he was
at war with.  Guile had the inexplicable urge to shout "BLAME CANADA!" but on
the whole of it decided it wouldn't be a good idea, now that it was the only
source of comedians who weren't bummed out about the whole world being doomed,
and everything.  "AHEM!" he continued after a bit of inner monologue, "WE ARE
AT WAR!  WITH!  THAT!"  And he pointed at the sky.
     Kelly looked at the sky.  "What, you mean that generic evil demon?" she
said.
     "gEnErIc EvIl DeMoN?" growled the being in a voice only a drunken college
student could imitate, "GrAaAh!  i Am -YOG SOTHOTH-, aNd I hAvE cOmE tO dEsTrOy
-YOU-, "kelly" aNd "billy"."
     Billy sighed.  "Oh yay, another hyperintelligent pandimensional being out
for our blood.  What's next, a boss fight with Jesus?"
     "ALL RIGHT TROOPS!  ATTACK ON MY SIGNAL!"  And while he was lost in
thought, trying to figure out what the signal was, a horrible thing happened. 
The three-bean burrito he had had for lunch finally did its evil deed.
     "BRAAAAAAAAP!" said Guile's ass.
     The war with Yog-Sothoth began, and it could not be stopped.

     Somewhere in the heartlands of Castlevania, Richter Belmont was holding
Alucard in an awkward embrace.
     "Are you an angel... or a ladykiller?" Richter whispered in the wussy
vampire's ear.
     "I am neither," Alucard growl.
     "Jesus Christ, you people are fucked up!" Steve screamed, and promptly
exploded graphically all over the walls of Castlevania.

     Brentai, meanwhile, was looking at furry porn.  And wondering if perhaps
he should have ended the entry with the battle with Yog-Sothoth.
     Oh well.

Brentai IS STILL GOING TO DIE, AAAARGH

Post : [1][4] 36/42
Subj : YET ANOTHER UNFUNNY HAAHAHAHAHA BLOW SHIT UP FUNNY!!!!!
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Tue Sep 11 2001 10:34 pm MST


        It was a day that would live forever in infamy.  Not only had
Yog-Sothoth decided to devour the poor little souls of Kelly, Billy,
and the poor pants-wetting Guile, but the world, as the world is wont to do,
chose that moment to explode.  This was not all that terribly surprising
considering what had been going on in the world as of late, but what was
surprising was that Kelly, Billy, Guile and the horrible soul-eating demon
all ended up in the same place.

        "Holy shit, that must have been a MAGICAL world exploding!"
said Billy, who was promptly smacked by Kelly.
        "Dumbass, we ALWAYS go somewhere else when the world explodes."
        Guile idly picked his nose, and flung a booger at Yog-Sothoth,
who was most displeased by these antics.  So the foul demon
devoured the Generic Millitary Guy's soul, and the world was
all the much better.  The foul demon then belched, which was of course
a world-shattering belch of coolness; it bordered somewhere between
the realm of the audible and the realm of the magical shit-tone.
Billy and Kelly barely managed to contain themselves, and were quite
overjoyed when they did.

        "So, uh, now what?" Billy asked.
        "Fuck if I know," Yog Sothoth breathed in that incredible
demonic voice that made angels and lady-killers cream their
shorts, "but it might have something to do with that great big
building over there with the word LOGIC embosed on it."

        "Oh, shit," Billy and Kelly said simultaniously.  They were
obviously in the land of LOGIC, a place the world they had
just left was bereft of.  "Well, I guess that means we're
going to have to use their phone or something."

        Fortunately, Steve left the obvious Rocky references to the
poor sap who would have to write the next part.



Post : [1][4] 37/42
Subj : KateStory XI The Musical
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Tue Sep 18 2001 07:31 pm MST

     ...and Brentai continued it.

     Kelly and Billy held hands as it began to rain for effect.  Yog Sothoth,
meanwhile, morphed into an invisible choir of... choir... people.  Together,
Kelly and Billy started taking slow, deliberate steps towards the tower... OF
DEATH!!!
     Kelly then smacked a tree and came out singing.
     
KELLY: To have a curse... it's a horrible night... now we fight... against our
arch-foe... it's really hard to think up these songs...
KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil!
YOG SOTHOTH: At the end of the last dungeon!
KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil!
YOG SOTHOTH: His HP is a million-one!
KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil... an
omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil... in everybody's life!

LOGIC: The illogic must go down the toilet of nothing... fly my pretties, fly,
to get Kelly and Billy out of my life... out of my liiiiiiiife!

KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil! 
YOG SOTHOTH: Inside of the final tower!
KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil!
YOG SOTHOTH: You can shoot your sword power!
KELLY AND BILLY: There's an omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil... an
omnipotentunyieldingembodimentofpureevil... in every... body's...
EVERYONE: LIIIIIIIIIFE!

     And then Kelly and Billy were attacked by the Flying Assholes.



Brentai Roberts, Master of Non-Sequitor

Post : [1][4] 38/42
Subj : The Flying Assholes: JOHN & JOHN VS. ANGRY TMBG FANS
To   : All
From : Maxl #2
Date : Thu Sep 20 2001 06:57 pm MST


The Flying Assholes flew in.  Yog Sothoth decided to go completely
out of character for a moment and run like hell back to the
horrible DIMENSION OF PAIN so that at some future point Steve
and Brent could make lame references to Sluggy Freelance.
Meanwhile, Billy and Kelly stood there.  They were knocked down
by the Flying Assholes, one of whom happened to be desperately trying
to be trendy and the other of whom had a suspicious lack of accordian.

"We are the John & John robots," the one with the suspicious lack
of accordian said, "we are here to play bad music."

"What the fuck?"  Billy said.  Unfortunately, him saying it was
drowned out by the flash of light - which, as all readers of bad
fanfic know, causes lots of sound - that resulted when LOGIC reared
its ugly head.

"FOOOOOOOLS!" LOGIC bellowed, since Brent seemed to like that.

"It is illogical that somebody could have any sort of lack of
accordian when it is obvious they didn't have one to begin with!" LOGIC
stated.  Billy and Kelly cowered, and the John & John robots just looked
confused.

"But I did have one.  Once."  John said.
"He did," John said, "But then we got famous."

"FOOOOOOLS!" LOGIC bellowed again, "It's also irrational that two
art fags from New York could ever possibly become famous, even
through bizarre random chance!"

John & John squirmed uncomfortably.

"But that happened," John said.
"Yeah.  It happened," the other John said.

This, of course, caused LOGIC to explode, and the lame KateStory
bit was over.

Moral: Don't buy any more TMBG albums.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.

Post : [1][4] 39/42
Subj : KateStory XI: End Prog.?
To   : All
From : Brentai #8
Date : Fri Sep 21 2001 11:01 am MST

     But then the unspeakable happened.
     KateStory XI actually ended.
     Options collapsed.  Possibilities folded into each other.  All of a
sudden, there was nothing more to write.
     A golden beam of light shown down upon the tower of LOGIC and sucked it,
piece by piece, into oblivion.  Kelly and Billy watched fascinated for a while,
but then were suddenly lifted into the air by the scrolling text they realized
they were standing on.
     The text said this.

     CONGRATULATION!
     LOGIC DID EXPLODE IN BIG FIRE AND WAS THUSLY DEFEATED BY THE HEROEY KILLY
AND BILLY.  THE VICTORIOUS COUPLE ARE TRANSPROTED TO NEW WORLD WHERE THEY CAN
FIGHT MORE FOR EVERLASTING PEACE.  BUT IS EVIL TRULY DEFEATED FOR ALL TIME? 
OUT OF RUBBLE A HAND RISE IN VENGEANCE AND LOGIC EMERGE, CLAIMING THAT HIS
DEFEATING IS NEVER HAPPENING.  WILL MORE ADVENTURES AWAIT AND MORE BATTLES BE
FOUGHT?  WHO IS IT THAT KNOWS!  BUT ALL KNOWS THAT WHEREVER THERE IS LOGIC,
KATESTORY WILL BE THERE TO FIGHT FOR WEIRDNESS AND OSBCURE REFERENCES!
     WRITE KITESTORY!  WRITE!

     And everything faded to black.  There was an incomprehensible bit with
Porky Pig, and some unfunny part with a dog, and then nothing.  The readers sat
tight, expecting some sort of trick, but then the projectionist turned the
light back on and the janitors came out.  It was time to go home.
     Somehow, this involved a pair of sports commentators standing in the
middle of a sidewalk.
     "So, Rick, what did you think of KateStory XI?"
     "Well, I thought it came off to a slow start, only scoring a few points
with Sharkman and references to badly named G.I. Joes.  But it made a stunning
comeback near the end with some very good plays, and managed to barely score a
victory in the end.  To be fair, Frank, it could have been much worse. 
Midnight could have been in charge."
     "What about Marge and Lisa painting eggs, though?  Do you think that had
any significance?"
     "Why yes, Frank, I think... wait, Marge and Lisa didn't paint any eggs. 
What are you talking about?"
     Just then a bus drove up to the two sports commentators and the door slid
open to reveal the driver, Dr. Wily.  He looked at them and waggled his
eyebrows seductively.
     "Now that doesn't even make a lick of sense!"
     And then the world exploded one last time, for posterity.



Welp, I just declared the end of KateStory XI.  Why?  It just felt like a good
place to blow the whistle.  I mean, there was finally a goal, and it got
completed, so.  The end.  For now.

So what's next for KateStory?  Beats me.  I'm thinking next time we're going to
need some more people writing the part, and a slightly different format... for
some reason this format did not inspire many people to write.  I'm seriously
thinking of starting up a web-based KS, perhaps on a messageboard or something.
No doubt we'll talk about it later.  Anyway, enjoy the rare sense of conclusion
while it lasts, bitches.  I'm going to pack up to go spend a weekend PARTYING
WITH CHARLIE SHEEN!  Er, I mean, with Steve and his alcohol-guzzling fiends. 
Er, friends.  I think I'll shut up now.



     Anticlimax then bumbled into the story and looked around, confused.
     "Am I late?" he asked.



Brentai Roberts, the Omega

Post : [1][4] 40/42
Subj : ...
Attr : Read  
To   : Maxl
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Sep 21 2001 12:39 pm MST

RE: The Flying Assholes: JOHN & JOHN VS. ANGRY TMBG FANS
BY: Maxl to All on Thu Sep 20 2001 06:57 pm

OT, but...I really like the new album.  Sure, it ain't exactly vintage TMBG,
but I think it's definitely got as many hummable tunes per capita as the first
couple albums.  ...Okay, needs more accordion, I'll grant.  ...But
really...what's not to like about First Kiss, Edith Head, and Critta?




Thad

Post : [1][4] 41/42
Subj : ...Well...
Attr : Read  
To   : Brentai
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Sep 21 2001 12:42 pm MST

RE: KateStory XI: End Prog.?
BY: Brentai to All on Fri Sep 21 2001 11:01 am

...Okay, maybe next time I'll try and bring in Crusoe.  ;)




Thad

Post : [1][4] 42/42
Subj : Area Closed
To   : All
From : HoJu #1
Date : Fri Sep 21 2001 01:35 pm MST

Hey.  Since Brent went ahead and ended KateStory XI, I figured there's no sense
in keeping it open.  Ummm, you shouldn't be able to post here if you're not me,
which you're not.  Anyway.  Move all off-topic discussions (ummm...you know,
the two I started myself) to General or something if you want to continue them.
 =7




Thad