The Holy Trinity

Episode 15: The Legacy

by Thad


One fine day at the Fortress of Craptitude...

Thad Man, it's good to be back home after a hard day of fighting evil.
Afro Jon Hell yeah.
Brent Who's this guy?
Afro Jon Shit, bitch! I'm motherfuckin' Afro Jon!
Thad He's our new fifth guy.
Steve What happened to...whatsisname?
Thad Luke? Brad told me he's on administrative leave.
Steve Brad said "administrative leave"?
Thad Yeah, except he pronounced it "drugs" for some reason.
Jesus Suddenly:
Window 2 4 6 8! God is good! God is straight! 2 4 6 8! God is...
Afro Jon What the fuck?!
Brad It is my mortal enemy: Mormons!
Window We will we will convert you!
Thad That's it, I officially need a beer.

Empty Fridge

Window Yes, yes, LDS! You should accept nothing less!
Brad Well in that case, it's Comboin' time.

Combos Bag

Brad What the fuck?! It's just an empty bag!
Window Dunna dunna dun dun MY MORMONA!
Brad Well in that case, we have no choice but to regulate.
Jesus Outside:
Mormons Where can ya see lions? Only in Kenya. Come to Kenya, we've got lions!
Mormons ...!
Mormons ...
Mormons Missions!
Mormon Negroes WHAT!
Mormons Special underwear!
Mormon Negroes WHAT!
Mormons Kolob!
Mormon Negroes HUH!
Mormons Nephites!
Mormon Negroes O-KAAAAAAAAY!
Afro Jon Those fuckers are ignoring us!
Steve If only Rootdown, President of the Internet were here! For in addition to being President of the Internet, he is also Mormon and able to communicate with them!
Brent That's it. This calls for drastic action. I am going to use my mighty porn collection to teach these fools a lesson. I am going to take some really cheesy '80's porn, possibly with Ron Jeremy, and play it really really loud.
Jesus Brent runs back into the Fortress. Moments later, he comes running back out:
Brent My porn! My beautiful porn!
Brad What? Brent, what's wrong with your porn?!
Brent It's...gone! My entire computer...
Thad The hell?!
Orrin Hatch Mwahahahaha! Yes, Trinity...this was all a trap!
Thad Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon FUCK! IT'S ORRIN HATCH!
Orrin Hatch How right you are! And now you see how I used my followers to lure you out of your fortress so I could punish you!
Brent For having porn?
Orrin Hatch Oh, dear me, boy. That porn was evil, and doubly so for being pirated, but no. I do not receive generous campaign contributions from the porn industry. No, I was kowtowing to my corporate overlords and eliminating your collection of pirated movies and music!
Thad Oh no! We were all pirating music! And some of us were even performing such nefarious deeds of copyright violation as watching DVD's under Linux!
Orrin Hatch That's right, boy. And Orrin Hatch and his INDUCE Act will not stand for it!
Brad So you stole all our computers?
Orrin Hatch Ha. No, boy. I exploded them.
Thad Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon !!
Orrin Hatch Oh, and that's not all. Some stupid cunt complained that Steve modified one of her images and used it on his LiveJournal, so, pursuant to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, it's been taken down!
Steve What? That was obviously parody!
Orrin Hatch Yes, well, if you go through a lengthy legal battle to prove that, maybe they'll put it back up!
Steve Wait, what? I thought burden of proof was supposed to be on prosecution in this country! I mean, she doesn't have to prove jack to get my journal taken down, but I have to prove it's fair use to get it back up?! The hell kind of sense does that make?
Orrin Hatch Bwaha! Such is the power of the DMCA! The technology of today is no match for the bad ideas of the past! And on that note...


Steve We're frames!
Thad This doesn't even begin to make sense.
Brad Yeah, I know! Frames are awesome!
Thad Brent Steve Afro Jon ...


Thad They're...multiplying.
Brent And there's not even a noframes tag! Or any "target=_parent" attributes on the links!
Steve Not a single page validates!
Thad (Hrk!) This is the end...done in by terrible Web design.
Brad You mean awesome web design.
Thad We're...not going to make it.
Brent Dammit, Thad! You can get us out of this! Use your catchphrase!
Thad I h...I I just can't do it. The hate is gone from me. Even now, being crushed by terrible --
Brad Awesome.
Thad -- terrible Web design, I just can't summon up the old hate. ...But, is to you, old friend, I shall pass the --
Brent Oh Christ, don't say it...
Thad -- Hatrix of it was passed to me.
Brent Hatrix?! Oh sweet Jesus, what is it with you and Matrix puns?!
Thad Till all...are one...
Dead Thad (Hrk dead.)
Steve Brent! Now!
Brent No! I'm not ready! I'm not worthy! I lack the qualabilities!!!!!
Steve Brent! Look!

I crashed Firefox repeatedly making this frame page.

Steve Do you see it?!

Fake Embedded MIDI

Brent An embed MIDI!
Steve Of course. This wouldn't be terrible --
Brad Awesome
Steve -- shitty, shitty mid-'90's Web design without it!
Brent Yes. Yes, I am energized with Eye of the Tiger...
Steve Do it.
Afro Jon Fuckin' A!
Brad I still don't see what the big deal is!
Brent Yes...yesssssss...
Brent I. Hate. You. All.

The frames EXPLODE!

Orrin Hatch What the...!? Where did that energy come from??
Brent Your mother.
Steve And now, Orrin Hatch, you are going down.
Brad Like your mother went down on Brentai last night!
Orrin Hatch Ha, you are too late. I have summoned my dark master!
Mormos Grrr-bah!
Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon Mormos!
Orrin Hatch Yes! As foretold in the Book of Mosaiah, Mormos rises from the depths to punish the unbelievers!
Afro Jon ...Shit.
Steve Say, Brent...? Try for a twofer?
Brent I hate you all!
Mormos Graaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!
Brad You weakened him! But he's still coming! What do we do now?

Kazz kicks a Keystone into Mormos!
Donkeyberry Punch...

Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon Kazz!
Brent What are you doing here?!
Kazz Kicking beer into the backs of people's heads. Or elder gods' heads. Whatever.
Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon Kazz HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Orrin Hatch Curses!
Jesus The war has ended for now and peace has been restored. But those who sacrificed themselves for the victory will never return.
Superasshole Hay guyz whats up in this obnoxious cliche?
Brent Steve Brad Afro Jon Kazz Jesus ...!
Jesus The end.
Created 04.08.24
Uploaded 04.08.26
Last Updated 04.08.24