The Holy Trinity

Episode 7: Superheroes

by Thad

Now!
A Holy Trinity adventure so big it would be ridiculously stupid to try to fit the whole thing in the intro!

Our story begins late one night...

Thad, the beard now gone

(Guhhhh...can't...sleep! Pillow...too...hot! Why...more reasonable temperature...when I had beard? Doesn't...make...sense!)

Phone!

Ring!

Thad

Wh-wha...? Pie?

Phone!

Ring!

Thad

...Hello...? ...Is that you, pie?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

No...the woman of your dreams...

Thad

A woman made entirely of pie?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

No. Listen...my organization provides the ultimate in pleasure products.

Thad

Dude...you're calling me in the middle of the night to sell me a dildo?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

A wide variety of dildoes, with our special patented lubricant products...

Thad

Okay...okay, first thing...how the hell many of you MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURES are there?! Second, you can't express mystery, shadow, or any other aspect of your figure over the phone, dipshit. And third...the voice is a dead giveaway. You're...Stephen Hawking!

MC Hawking

Blast. I am found out.

To be continued...


Part Two

Previously, on Holy Trinity Adventures...

Thad, the beard now gone

(Guhhhh...can't...sleep! Pillow...too...hot! Why...more reasonable temperature...when I had beard? Doesn't...make...sense!)

Phone!

Ring!

Thad

Wh-wha...? Pie?

Phone!

Ring!

Thad

...Hello...? ...Is that you, pie?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

No...the woman of your dreams...

Thad

A woman made entirely of pie?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

No. Listen...my organization provides the ultimate in pleasure products.

Thad

Dude...you're calling me in the middle of the night to sell me a dildo?

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE

A wide variety of dildoes, with our special patented lubricant products...

Thad

Okay...okay, first thing...how the hell many of you MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURES are there?! Second, you can't express mystery, shadow, or any other aspect of your figure over the phone, dipshit. And third...the voice is a dead giveaway. You're...Stephen Hawking!

MC Hawking

Blast. I am found out.

And now...part 2!

Thad

Trinity! I need your help! We must do battle against Stephen Hawking!

Brent

Brentai, ready to kick some ass!

Steve

Steve, ready to fuck some hats!

Thad

Stop that.

MC Hawking

Pfah. You are too late and far too puny to stop me.

Brent

He's right!

Thad

Yes...we must unveil...our true power! Trinity Transform!

Brent Burst Brenteye

Brenteye, the wisecracking master marksman with no true superpowers, but unparalleled ability to banter well with supervillains!

Steve Burst Yellowjackass

Yellowjackass, the mentally unstable scientist!

Thad

...

Yellowjackass

Jesus, Thad, you're not done transforming yet?

Brenteye

What, you need, like, to go into a phone booth or something?

Thad

Ummmm, no...actually, I have to be refused access to a phone. Then I take off my glasses...

Brenteye

You wear contacts.

Thad

Right. So first I have to take out my contacts and put on glasses.

Yellowjackass

This is the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard. And I collect erotic Smurf fiction.

Thad

Just humor me, guys.

Brenteye

...

Yellowjackass

...

Anime Thad

...Okay, part one...

Brenteye

...

Yellowjackass

...

Anime Thad

...Ummm, okay. Now...Hospitality?! All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, God dammit! A reasonable request, which you've chosen to ignore!

Brenteye

Uhhhhh...Now Thad, don't be ungrateful...

Anime Thad

Ungrateful?!

Anime Thad Burst Thad Burst Superasshole!

Superasshole!

Yellowjackass

...Jesus Christ.

Brenteye

So, uhhhh...you...take out your contacts, put on glasses...re-enact the horse-brutality scene...take off your glasses...then change form...why are you our leader again?

Yellowjackass

You cast a guy in one seven-show run of Rocky Horror at Halloween...

Superasshole

Shut up.

Can Superasshole, Brenteye, and Yellowjackass stop the terror of Stephen Hawking? And just where is Stephen Hawking, anyway? What the hell's up with supervillains just kinda hanging around while the superheroes bullshit for half an hour? Will Thad's Rocky cast get a theatre where they can perform every week? And why the hell is Thad the leader, anyway? ...And why, of all the Avengers, would he want to emulate Wonder Man? (Actually, that one's easy. Two words: Scarlet Witch.)

The answers to maybe one of these questions, two if you're really lucky, next time! Plus, the terror of Dr. Billy! Probably.

Original Posted 01.11.16
This Version Created 04.08.23
Uploaded 04.08.26
Last Updated 04.08.23