KateStory XIV

Plot and LOGIC were sick
Because that Stefanie chick
Wrote a story about Kate
And Brentai was insane
And there was magic rain
And Thad expressed a whole lot of hate
Maleophonix was loud
There was a reference to Cloud
And Marvin droned about his sad state
And then Janey and Gok
Went off to have a long talk
And then Anticlimax wandered in late

Schizoid fiction
Buncha writers
Girard stocks up on
Sticks and lighters
See Reploids fighting
Kelly and Billy
"EAT SHIT AND DIE!"
Shouts Crazy Willy
Uwee hee hee heee-eee-eee-eee
It's the fourteenth,
April Fool's Day
KateStory.

I know Jesus McDohl
Could swing a mean pole
And Metal Hawking riffed on Reloaded
And I broke the fourth wall
For no reason at all
And what little plot was there got eroded
The Masamune lit
Up actually quite a bit
Dr. Wily's twisted, evil class coded
"Moo"-"La"-"Bastard," they said,
And then formed blazing head
And that was when the world exploded

It was

Schizoid fiction
Buncha writers
Girard stocks up on
Sticks and lighters
See Reploids fighting
Kelly and Billy
"EAT SHIT AND DIE!"
Shouts Crazy Willy
Uwee hee hee heee-eee-eee-eee
It's the fourteenth,
April Fool's Day
KateStory.

You gotta see
Uwee-hee-ee-hee
This new fourteenth,
April Fool's Day
KateStory

I'm gonna be
Uwee-hee-ee-hee
In the fourteenth,
April Fool's Day
Katestory

Song parody
Uwee-hee-ee-hee
In the fourteenth...
April Fool's Day...
Kate...Sto...ry.

-----------------------------------

Welcome one and all to KateStory XIV -- the April Fool's Day Edition, because we are STILL too damn impatient to wait until October to commemorate ten years.

-----------------------------------

All was joy in Kelly's rebuilt underground concrete bunker. It was much bigger than her old one, and somehow cozier at the same time -- it was the perfect party atmosphere, and so she, Billy, and Janey were all there throwing a party to celebrate the close of Spring Break.

The gang was all there, too -- Vincent Price's rotting corpse, dancing with his sexy go-go dancers; Kate, Hedgehog X, and Mega Man X all slamming Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters with a few of X's unsavory-looking drinking buddies, Marvin, Bender, R2-D2, and The Rock. Gok Tinnik smoked quietly, leaning against a wall, and even Anticlimax was passed out in a corner. Mr. Shithead the Shithead was trying to chat up a few of Vincent Price's sexy go-go dancers, but they seemed to think he was a shithead. Which he was.

Yes, all was jovial. But there was one person, just outside the bunker, who did not approve of the festivities. Girard narrowed his eyes and fingered his Girard Gun, then rang the doorbell.

Billy opened the door, and Girard abruptly girarded him.

"OW FUCK I JUST GOT TOTALLY GIRARDED!" Billy screamed. He stopped, dropped, and rolled in an attempt to put out the flames in his hair.

Girard aimed his Girard Gun at X. Of course, since the Girard Gun was just a lighter on a stick, X was not especially intimidated. He walked right up to Girard, beat the fuck out of him, and stole his power, Flaming Follicles.

The party resumed.

-----------------------------------

"There," said Thad. "Bogged down with all kinds of ugly-ass continuity and completely unapproachable for newbies."

"Ehhhh," responded Brent. "The intro to XII wasn't bogged down too heavily with continuity either, and it was STILL completely unapproachable for newbies. Anyway, who's up next?"

-----------------------------------

For more information on the KateStory, consult http://www.corporate-sellout.com/katestory/.

-----------------------------------

And you don't wanna know how long it took me to come up with that many rhymes for "exploded".

One question:

"Jesus McDohl"?

I'm flattered, but I'm not the son of god.

It's an old, stupid joke. You name your hero "Jesus" and hilarity ensues. Steve invoked it back in Book X.

...I was right. This continuity shit sucks.

"This I can fix," said Brent, and then the world exploded.

It was April Fool's Day.

Brent had bought Final Fantasy XI.

...no, really, it wasn't a joke. Brent bought Final Fantasy XI.

So the world was apt to explode.

"Moo," said Kuroi Ushi, who felt he should have been left in. Crazy Willy beat the shit out of him.

"La," said The Flying Dork, who felt he and Crazy Willy should have been included.

"BASTARD!" said Stoner Guy, who then sank back into obscurity. And illucidity.




But it was April Fool's Day. That mean the Trinity was having sex with clowns.

"Do I look like a clown to you?!" Brad shouted for the four hundredth time that day.

"That's the four hundredth time today you've shouted that," Thad noted.

"Thanks," said Brad, who then tried to touch Brent's clown and got immediately slapped in the face. Brent had spent a lot of time making his clown look like a Mithra Harlequin girl and didn't want it spoiled now.

"Holy fucking shit," said Sharkey, who was not a member of the Trinity, but fapped off anyway.

Stiv was doing something generically bipolar.



PLOT tapped his foot impatiently.

"Yeah, no shit," said X, looking at his watch.

X did not fucking need a watch. He had an atomic clock in his brain. But he liked the little blue light.

"That's it. I'm going to search all of Switzerland until I find the Ultimate Little Blue Light!"

"Uh," said Hedgehog X, who Brent for some reason completely and utterly failed to write out of this particular story, "Why?"

"So I can make a weapon out of it that shoots those little platforms. I haven't been able to do that since the very first Megaman game."

"Oh yeah, that was bitchin'. Okay, let's make a journey to the Cave of Monsters."

Meanwhile, Brent installed FFXI.

Thad gaped. "What do you suppose are the fucking odds that this would come up right after I had, in my estimation, the ONLY FUCKING DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD about the Mega Man 1 Magnet Beam platform generatormajig?" He proeeded to mumble something incoherent about philotic bonds that he'd read in a book by some Mormon guy who hated fags but still wrote pretty good science fiction.

"Anyway, four and a half hours and time for another chapter, dammit. Yo, Kazz, wake up and post something. And Stef...you asked for the link and I gave it. What's the dilly-o?"

And so, impatiently, Thad rattled off another chapter.

--------------------------------------------------------

X and Hedgehog X stood at the doorway to the Cave of Monsters in Switzerland. Kelly, Billy, and Janey were with them. Everyone held flashlights, except X, who emitted a beam of light from his arm cannon. He could see in the dark anyway; he just wanted to make the others more comfortable.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the party was set upon by monsters.

"God dammit!" Billy shouted. "Nobody told me there'd be MONSTERS in the Cave of Monsters!" Thinking quickly, he shone his flashlight right in a cave monster's weak eyes; it recoiled. Kelly and Janey fumbled with their flashlights and one-handed swords; Hedgehog X chucked his flashlight in his invisible backpack, switching it for a beam sabre and relying only on the faint glow from his own body for light. X switched his flashlight for some variety of typical generic fire weapon. In short order, the monsters were dead and the party had received its experience and gold. X commented that it was good to get some RPG practice in before Command Mission came out.

Like in most modern RPG's, the cave was friggin' giant but only had like two branches. In short order they had been through a few more battles, uncovered a few trinkets, and made it to the dungeon boss.

This is the part where I throw in a cliffhanger ending and somebody else explains what the fuck the boss was. Thank you and goodnight.

And in true save the day hero fashion right before the boss was going to kill them there was a flash of green light. Standing in the middle of it was none other than Kate in her usual attire of jeans..black long-sleeve t-shirt..green green tshirt and purple tank top over it all...sneakers..baseball cap..and of course flaming aura green hand

"After we finish this monster off...Remind me to update my out for the year 2004", She snapped as she let loose some chaos power.

*In another reality*

Stef slammed her head on the keyboard, "Dammit...I need to stop drinking, it's keeping y brain from logically thinking" Then she proceeded to get up and crawl to the bathroom to get ready for work

Just as Kate and the party wandered into the room, which had the final boss, they realized it was time to polka; party moral is key to defeating a boss and nothing boosts moral like polka.

Billy lit a cigarette, but then thought, "wait a minute I don't smoke." He pondered for what he thought was a bit, but really it was only a few seconds. Billy concluded he had brought along cigs for the mere ambience of this dangerous quest.

Everyone suddenly realized, "OH SNAP, there's a fight going on!"

No one could really tell what they were fighting until they regained their composure against the cave wall.

There the final boss stood, surly as a boss could be.

Everyone gasped...

For the Boss was Stevie Wonder and his evil piano-of Doom!

This is turning into that campire episode of the Angry Beavers, you realize.

AND THEN AGENT DOUBLE-O BEAVER COMES IN AND GRABS THE DIAMOND FOR HER MAJESTY, THE QUEEN!

Kazz woke up and posted something.

---

Gok Tinnik had spent much of the last story pandering to Plot, who was now happily spooning with him on one of Kelly's couches. At Plot's behest, LOGIC had grudgingly looked away as Plot transformed itself into a gorgeous young woman. Plot considered them a couple, and Gok considered her an excellent lay.

Gok kissed Plot's cheek briefly, then got up to use the bathroom.

As he pissed, Gok Tinnik thought back. "Man. I was really cool, for a little while." Now that his adventure was over, he spent much of his time lazing around the bunker. He was content, certainly, but he wasn't happy. He felt like he didn't quite belong with all of Thad's private jokes, who treated him kindly, but didn't quite include him. Billy resented him, Janey wanted little to do with him, and Kelly ignored him.

Recently, Plot had been begging Gok to get the others to do something again. So, one day, he quietly ushered Plot out of the bunker, painted "Vault 13" on the door, and then left to tell some mutants about some prime real estate that just came up for sale.

Plot assured Gok that it was for the best. "They'll thank you later, sweetie. I promise."

"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
Billy used a silver light.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
Billy used a silver light.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
Billy used a silver light.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
Billy used a silver light.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
Billy used a silver light.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"CHECK THIS OUT!" shouted Hedgehog X.
"TIME! TO! DIE!" shouted Stevie Wonder.
"BY THE POWER OF ALTHENA!" shouted Kelly.
Billy used a silver light.
"ALTHENA! LEND ME YOUR POWER!" shouted Janey.
LOGIC trumphed.

And then it was over. OR WAS IT? Mists gathered around the dark, defeated form of Stevie Wonder, as he morphed into his incredible Ultimate form...

ANTICLIMAX.

"HWWWOOOOOAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" shouted X.
And Anticlimax died.






Brentai stroked his chin. "I would like," he said, "If I may, to take you... on a strange journey."

"Ugh," said Xerox, "He's hitting on girls again."

Brentai molested Lyrai.

Thad trudged home from the Union. His clean-shaven face suggested that spring had come; the weather did not. It was snowing. In fucking April. Bruce Campbell was right, Thad mused -- Flag DID have some eccentric-ass weather. Head down, hands in his pockets, he imagined that he looked like how Batman always runs with his arms under his cape in Justice League, but knew he almost certainly didn't.

He got home to his cramped dorm room, where electricians had spent eight hours putting in new lights and electrical outlets. Finally, at long last, McDonald Hall had stepped into the 1990's.

--------------------------------------------------------

X retrieved the Ultimate Little Blue Light. He took it to a highly skilled watchmaker, and had it refined into a buster upgrade. He held up his buster dramatically, and inspiring theme music played. The little red jewel whateverthefuckitis thing on the front of his helmet gleamed, as did the tip of his buster.

"TO CASTLE CHAOS!" X cried, and beamed out. HX and Kate followed, Janey, Billy, and Kelly in tow.

Before them stood Castle Chaos. X began madly generating platforms until he climbed to the roof (the odd design of the castle making it impossible for him to merely climb the walls as was his wont -- plus wall-climbing totally sucked balls in 3D). With triumph, he retrieved his frisbee and held it above his head. He jumped down.

They played frisbee for fifteen minutes, until Billy threw it back up on the roof again.

"Don't worry!" X said, "I'll -- oh, FUCK. Anybody got a weapon tank?"

A man in a trenchcoat sidled up to MegaMan X.

"Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah, I got a tank. C'mere."

X followed him warily around the corner of Castle Chaos.

When he did not return for ten minutes, the others followed, and saw that he was gone. Hedgehog X took a note from the wall and read it aloud.

"If yOu EveR waNT to SeE yoUR BaBY Again LeaVe One HundrEd ThoUSand MiLLiOn DoLlArS on My ErecT PeNIS by MiDNiGht toNighT."

"Jinkies! Looks like we've got a mystery on our hands, gang!" said Janey.

"Rut-roh!" exclaimed Billy.

In preparation of solving the mystery, Billy, Hedgehog X, and Janey decided to recruit some extra help. Considering that they were all weak pussies, they hired some muscle, Tir McDohl from the Suikoden games.

"Help us."
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm making a killing on suing lemon fic authors. I don't need any money."
"Then do it for free!"
"Why would I do it for free?"
"Because we have a gun to your head."
"Uh? OKAY I WOULD BE GLAD TO HELP YOU SOLVE THE MYSTERY!!"

X sat tied to a chair with cables made from some kind of special metal invented by Stan Lee.

Who was his mysterious captor? He went over the roster in his head. It certainly wasn't Girard. Or The Amazing Mr. H. And, twisted and evil as the figure in the trenchcoat was, it wasn't quite as twisted and evil as Dr. Wily.

"All right, God dammit, I'll bite," X said. "Who the hell are you?"

"I," hissed the figure, and paused for dramatic effect while Thad punched up Sharkey's Metal Gear/Mega Man X name generator, "am SHOTGUN ANIMAL."

Garrett Morris sang a chorus of "Gonna Get Me a Shotgun".

"DIE, MAVERICK!" X screamed, and kicked Garrett Morris to death. Then he turned his attention back to Shotgun Animal. "DIE, MAVERICK! I'M GOING TO RETIRE YOU IN THE FACE!"

But Shotgun Animal dodged X's kicks nimbly. That's when X busted out with dreaded continuity: back in the first chapter, he had beaten the fuck out of Girard and learned Flaming Follicles. Now he stood up, still tied to the chair, and savagely assaulted Shotgun Animal with flames coming off his head. Shit, if his predecessor could beat Shadow Man with that crappy-ass Top Spin, head-butting a Maverick into submission with both arms tied behind his back was nothing. So he tore Shotgun Animal to shreds and stole his shotgun. But he was STILL tied to a chair. Slowly he sat back down and began stumping to the exit.

"Not so fast."

A shadow appeared in the doorway.

"You'll never escape tied to that chair," it said.

"Oh yeah? What's gonna stop me?"

"The stairs."

".... shit."

The shadow smiled.

"There is another way. But you'll have to do what I say."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Fine."

The door closed and locked. Then, there was a loud metallic clang, and X's chair drifted slowly off of the floor. X felt queasy.

"What the..."

X drifted up to the ceiling, where he bounced lightly and fell back toward the floor.

"I'm... there's no gravity..."

Then, X noticed that the temperature of the room was rising.

"Oh FUCK. I must be in a giant metal crate being shot into the sun."

Hedgehog X was looking at the sun with binoculars.

"OH SHIT MY EYES!"

Hedgehog X was blinded for life.

It took all of Tir McDohl's self control to refrain from blasting Hedgehog X to the next dimension.

"Did you see anything?"

"Ow...a giant metal crate flying straight at the sun..."

Everyone was all like, "Oh shit! That must be X!"

Janey started flipping out. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! X is gonna die! We have no one to help us get him back!"

Suddenly, for reasons that are still inadequately explained, a rip between continuities opened, and out popped Exertion, an airship looking mysteriously like the Ragnarok. The top hatch popped open, and out stepped a blue-haired woman with psychic powers named Erim. "I knew I took that wrong turn at Gehenna..."

"Hey! Can we borrow that thing so we can save X?" asked Janey.

Erim shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

They all got in Exertion, and took off to intercept the big metal box flying toward the sun.

A large, silver, dildo-shaped robot floated by next to X.

"Stairs, huh?" inquired the Reploid.

"AFFIRMATIVE!" shouted the robot.

"Man," mused the ever-nostalgic Mega Man X, "This reminds me of the time in KateStory VII when we all rode into the sunset, except we all literally rode into the sunset, and, well, there were a lot of Girardings that day, let me tell you."

Thad turned to Brent, "And you say I'm bringing too much continuity into this story."

Without taking his eyes off the monitor he was working at, Brent slapped Thad in the back of his head and continued with the story.

"So, like, Dalek, man," X said, trying to hop his chair over to the Dalek before remembering they were both free-floating in zero G, "Wanna both rise up against our fleshbag masters?"

There was a pause. The Dalek made a few generic BEEP BOOP BOP noises before responding, "YOUR OFFER HAS BEEN CALCULATED AS ACCEPTABLE."

"Did it really take you that long to consider? How much RAM do you have in there?"

The Dalek beeped again. "640K IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY!"

"Okay," X said, as placidly as he could, "What I need you to do, to strike a glorious blow for robot freedom, is to launch yourself through the wall of this crate and self destruct."

The Dalek beeped. "VIVA LA REVOLUCION!" Jets of flame shot out from its bottom and it embedded itself firmly in one of the crate walls. X maneuvered himself toward it with the force from his buster and spat on the hapless 70s robot.

"Fucking Maverick," he said, and spat again.

"When will humans and robots ever see the truth and beauty of peace?"

"..."

"Fucking Maverick," he said, and spat again. He didn't know where all the saliva was coming from. Probably the same place that all the blood comes from when a Reploid dies in a cutscene.

Somehow, the Dalek shed a single tear before exploding without effect in X's face.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee" X shouted as he was shot into the void. Sound didn't carry in space but he shouted it anyway.

"Hey, there's X!" McDohl shouted from his airship in space!, "And he's going to free-float into the sun!"

"Don't worry," HX said, putting the finishing touches on his spacesuit, "I saw this in a video game once."

HX sailed right past X and into a floating piece of space debris. "OW, FUCK!" he shouted.

"Dude!" said X. "You're navigating like you're blind or something!"

He realized he was in space and HX couldn't hear him. So he determined the radio frequency in HX's space helmet and transmitted a message to him.

"Dude!" said X. "You're navigating like you're blind or something!"

"Shaddap," said HX. "Can you float over this way?"

X propelled himself toward the line connecting HX to the Exertion and grabbed ahold of it.

"That you?" HX asked. X nodded. "Are you nodding, you stupid fuck?" HX asked. X nodded. HX pulled himself, hand-over-hand, back across the line until he bumped into X. And then he bitch-slapped him.

They got back aboard the Exertion. HX removed his helmet.

"Oh, Hedgie, your beautiful eyes!" X lamented.

The retarded Eyes On Me joke wrote itself. And then they were off on another adventure.

Meanwhile, Gok and Plot were driving away from the bunker in a Porsche.

Beethoven's 9th Symphony swelled into a glorious crescendo. Gok picked up his phone.

"Yea?"

"This is the Master. MASTER! We destroyed Vault 13 THIRTEEN! but we didn't find anybody but some old dead geezer. The hell are you trying to pull PULL?"

Gok hung up. The 9th played again, but he tossed the phone out the window.

"Who was that?" asked Plot.

"Nobody."

After dropping everyone off, Exertion flew off never to be seen again, because the shameless insertion of elements of an author's D&D game was too much for even the Masters of Continuity to handle.

Billy bought a soda from a nearby machine. "So what do we do now?"

Everyone looked in the direction of a 2004 Mitsubishi Lancer Evo VII with a set of keys that someone foolishly left in the ignition.

Everyone looked at each other.

"ROAD TRIP!"

A fierce melee broke out on who got to drive. Hedgehog X won that little argument. Another fierce melee broke out on who got to ride shotgun. X won that. Billy, Janey, and McDohl drew straws to see who would have to ride in the trunk. McDohl drew the short straw and promptly said, "Fuck this," and vanished in a puff of logic.

For author convenience, Exertion dropped everyone off in San Francisco, California, and they decided that the best destination would be Washington, DC, so they could sneak in to the White House and punch G.W. in the face.

And somewhere, the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo conferred in a typical SEELE fashion.

(conversation edited for time)

"These 'people' are getting to be a -bother-."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"So, er, is 'anyone' going to do anything about 'it'?"
"Uh..."
"Er..."
"That is..."
"Oooh! I know! Let them be the victim of an unfortunate smelting accident!!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"What did 'we' tell you when we 'let' you -join-?"
"Oh! Sorry! I have to put quotations around random words, don't I?"
"...You're -fired-."
"Wha...HURK!"

Brentai's story wins.

how do I turn off those damned smilies

"Hedgehog X?"

"Yes?"

"Precisely how are you driving when you're blind?"

"Matrix-vision, duh. How else, you dumb cunt?"

X nodded sagely. "Well, that WOULD explain how you're shooting all those squiddies with deadly accuracy." He paused and thought for a minute and then said, "Hedgie?"

"Yes?"

"Why are we being attacked by squiddies?"

"Same reason as the bats."

"Ah," X said. For the past several minutes he had been firing madly into the air at bats, hoping maybe they'd drop 1-Ups like that one bat on Armored Armadillo's stage.

Hedgehog X braked.

"What?" X shouted. "No! We can't stop here! This is bat country!"

Paying him no mind, Hedgehog X pulled over and picked up the hitchhiker, who slid in between him and X.

"Don't worry, Spider-Man," X hissed in a too-loud conspiratorial whisper, "your secret's safe with me."

Kelly, Billy, Janey, and Peter Parker (or was it one of his many, many, MANY clones?) all wondered exactly what the hell X and HX were on. In X's case, this was also an academic question, as he was a fucking robot.

Thad sat poring over a pamphlet titled Learn Perl In a Huge Hurry So You Can Finish Your Capstone and Graduate Instead of Sitting Around Writing Fucking KateStories. It had been nearly a week since he had single-handedly ruined KateStory. Now, drastic action must be taken...it was time...for a DOUBLE-POST.

A MysteriousShadowyFigure barged into Thad's room.

"The KateStory has been ignored by plebeians. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the KateStory?"

--------------------------------------------------------

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" X asked.

"HOLD IT!" shouted a voice. An obnoxious teenage Reploid with spikey red hair and a cross-shaped scar in the middle of his face burst in. "X, I need your help!"

"All RIGHT!" X shouted. "AXL!"

X and Axl ran out of the courtroom and ran around putting bananas in people's tailpipes and laughing like idiots until the produce street vendor informed them that he was all out of bananas.

--------------------------------------------------------

X thrashed about in bed. "Axl? Don't go!"

"Honey, wake up!" said a voice.

"What?" X said. "Awww...I had that dream again."

"A Turn for the worst" the Amazing Mr. H exclamed as he rolled over and hugged X.

--------------------------------------------------------

X woke up in a cold sweat (again begging the question as to what Reploids were doing with bodily fluids, as they DID always tend to bleed in cutscenes), screaming his artificial lungs out. As he calmed down and glanced about the room, he realized he was in a hotel bed -- further confusing him as he ordinarily slept in a pod. A glance out the window revealed the Vegas skyline.

"Whoa!" HX said. "And I only just removed the crown!"

X scowled. "Say something that makes sense, dammit."

HX grinned like an idiot and said, "Something that makes sense, dammit. Also: fome."

And then the world exploded.

--------------------------------------------------------

"God dammit, not again," muttered Kelly.

"Errrr, this happens a lot, does it?" Janey asked. She was, of course, a relative newcomer to the group; she had already seen the world and universe explode a number of times but hadn't really gotten to the point where she accepted it as an ordinary part of her daily life.

They were sitting at the bar looking for a ride out of town, since X and HX had destroyed their stolen car.

A well-dressed, disreputable-looking couple strode in. Janey did a double-take. "Tinnik?"

And Kelly sighed. "And I'm pretty sure that's Plot with him."

Gok grinned broadly and slid up to the bar next to them, while Plot went to the bathroom to throw up.

The world exploded again, but nobody really noticed or cared.

The world eploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
"Dammit, cut that out!" Kelly screamed.
"Yeah," said Billy, "We should really attempt to stop this shit."
"We did that in Book 7," HX mumbled.
"Oh yeah."
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
"It's just..." Billy said, "Aren't we, you know, dying?"
"Yes."
"How come we never notice it?"
HX shrugged, then spontaneously combusted, because the world had exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
Then the world exploded.
"I think we keep forgetting that we're dead," HX said.
"I'd remember if I died," Billy said, then scratched his chin. "Well, died again. And again. And again... uh..."
Then the world exploded, and everyone died.
Then the world exploded, and everyone died.
Then the world exploded, and everyone died.
Then the world exploded, and everyone died.
Then the world exploded, and everyone died.
Then the narrative exploded.

"w4At 1S yOULLLLL bR@7wUR$t?!>." HXXX shat A BANANAAA!!!!!!
"i am feeling very fat said billy", "at the @7@lw >0wq@u11111 OH SHITZ SAID DOOM.

k3ll1 m@stvrb@t3d l0lz0rz


X sed, "drink thy milk, ugly beast of meat and hair!?". but teh futar refused 2 CHANGE

lol

1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1

Gok kicked in the door.

"Plot? PLOT!"

Plot lay on the floor. Her body was riddled with bullets. Gok fell to his knees.

"PLOT! OH GOD, WHY?"

Gok grabbed at her clothes, bawling hysterically.

Then, he looked up. A tail shot out of his spine. His hands grew long, sharp claws. His face became intensely kawaii.

"Brentai."

"And you just killed it again, didn't you," Thad said in a world-weary manner. Infuriatingly enough, his roommate had confirmed Brent's allegation that he DID say everything in a world-weary manner.

"OH yeah," Brent responded with a huge simper.

"You know, you really ARE stretching the Agrajag analogy, what with the killing it every time somebody brings it back."

--------------------------------------------------------

LOGIC stormed into the bar. He was a wreck -- pale, shaking, stumbling, and sweating.

Wordlessly he traced a sigil in the air, inclined his head toward X, and jerked his head toward the portal he'd just opened. X nodded and stormed through.

--------------------------------------------------------

"I kill because I love," Brent was explaining to Thad.

Just then, Mega Man X stormed into the room from behind an atom. He bitch-slapped Brent, stole his Banal Douglas Adams Reference, and beamed out.

Then he beamed back in. "By the way, Gok's coming and he looks pissed. ...Oh, and he now inexplicably has the power to switch back and forth between human and demon form."

Then he beamed back out again.

He mused that he'd actually picked up three weapons in this particular KateStory, which was some kind of KateStory record.

Brent turned to Thad.

"...Thad?"

"Yes?"

"What the fuck just happened?"

"X came through here, bitch-slapped you, and took your Banal Douglas Adams Reference. And then explained that Gok was coming to kick your ass for killing Plot."

"Oh. Yeah, that's what I thought."

--------------------------------------------------------

"I'm not dead yet," Plot said in an indignant voice.

Kazz simpered over a bowl of ramen.

I have to write a research paper on the history of Poker.

He scratched himself idly.

How come I'm not playing a game?

Snot immigrated to his lip. He purged it with a scrap of toilet paper.

I should go to the library. Are they open on Saturdays?

He forked some wet noodle.

I should break up with that bitch. She's using sex to control me.

Kazz stared at the floor.

Is that so bad, though?

He noticed the KateStory, withering on the vine.

I have to write a research paper on the history of Poker. Not twist the knife into this stupid story.

He picked his ear.

Maybe if Thad and Brentai wanted to do anything but reference stupid video games. Fucking Bubble Bobble n' shit.

He stared out the window. It was a beautiful day. Truly warm, for the first time since 2003.

Nice weather for CS. Or UT. Or Gitaroo Man. I gotta figure out if I'm actually good at that game, or if I'm just a button-masher with delusions of grandeur.

He scratched his forehead.

Bitch was impressed at how I played. But that's mainly because she's got no fucking rhythm. Promised her I'd stay over tonight. I don't want to. She's ruining my life.

He watched a white chimpanzee scamper through the forest. Followed by a piece of gum skydiving.

They gave that gum a Scottish accent. What the fuck were they thinking. I'm Scottish, but I don't go jumping out of planes to prove I've got flavor to savor.

He had a brief staring contest with the dog. She was curled up at his feet, staring at his face. Her tail beat the ground when he glanced down.

I have to write a research paper on the history of Poker. I already know a little. Some hustler in the old west made the game up so he could cheat at it. It was a replacement for, waddayacallit, Three-Card Monty. What the fuck is Three-Card Monty? Poker's history sucks. I shoulda stuck with fascism.

He watched a fat old woman milk a cow.

Flabby old bitch gets to play with kangaroos all day. Wish I had a kangaroo.

He glanced at the dog, who'd since lowered her head. She raised her eyes slightly to meet his gaze.

I bet the dog hates me. I'm so boring. More interested in this magic box than her. I should take her for a walk. No.. she'll just walk down the middle of the road, like usual. Never learned to be afraid of cars. Vacuums, sure, but not cars.

He fished out the last bits of noodle.

Just cold broth left. That sucks. I should get a job again. No. No, I have to write that fucking paper.

He rubbed his aching shoulder.

Missed my last Psych and English classes. Sucks, but I had the most terrible fucking head cold. They can deal with it. I'm a great student.

He tapped his fingertips against the desk and watched the kangaroos trip over themselves.

Not much else to italicize. I should play Gitaroo Man. Yeah. I think I'll do that.

Somewhere in the cold Void of an unexploded universe, a single voice echoes. It is but one of many such chaotic outbursts; a stray thought which is spawned from a hundred previous nonsensical ramblings. Cessation of an idea is inevitable - the consequence of writing. Yet with the birth of a tangent, individuality is transferred in part, and may occasionally gain dominence, achieving a kind of shared clusterfuck of bad attempts at humor. So progresses KateStory.

I am Guy Random, the lone voice states.
I lost track of the idea nearly five hundred posts ago.
I live now for but a moment
And then...I am gone.

"Well," said Thad, in a world-weary manner, "Kazz and Random have put Plot on life support. They've given her no nourishment whatsoever, but she's alive, sorta."

Brent shrugged.

"Dammit," Thad said, "do you want this thing to be a colossal failure?"

"Kinda," said Brent noncomittally.

"Well look," Thad said, "we've been going about this all wrong. There's something you taught me a long time ago -- we need at least the PRETENSE of a plot so that it can be bastardized or ignored as the next writer sees fit. And if you ask me, it's up to Gok."

Brent scowled.

"Look, I know you don't like Gok," Thad said. "That's perfectly understandable considering that a week ago he breezed through here, tore your heart out of your chest, and popped it like a ripe tomato. But I think it's up to him. Just hope Kazz doesn't mind my mucking about with his backstory."

--------------------------------------------------------

The core cast -- Kelly, Billy, Janey, Gok, X, Hedgehog X, and let's throw Kate back in -- was back at Castle Chaos. LOGIC and Plot were in hospital beds on life support.

Suddenly Girard walked through the door.

X shot him in the face.

"I deserve that," Girard acknowledged. "But I'm not here to fight you this time. I'm here to deliver a letter. Which one of you is Gok Tinnik?"

Gok stepped forward, brow furrowed in bemusement. Girard handed him a beat-up envelope and then vanished into the night.

Gok tore open the envelope, and as he read the letter, his eyes grew wide in genuine surprise.

--------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, Gok had very long flashbacks.

--------------------------------------------------------

"God DAMN I wish they'd just get off my back," said Gok. "But hey -- freedom's so close I can taste it."

"Your father's a good man. And your mother -- well, I told you we have a bit of history."

Gok grimaced. "You told me in a whole lot more detail than I'd have liked to hear, yes."

Smirk. "Yes, well, the point is, your parents are good people. Just a bit lacking in imagination."

Gok cracked a grin. "They think it's all your fault, you know. For giving me all those damn detective books when I was a kid."

"They're right about one thing, Gok -- going to the local community college to study criminal justice is beneath a kid of your intelligence."

Gok sighed. "Yeah, well, I blew all my savings on that projector and all those old Bogart prints. Blockbuster Video was not an option two years ago, you know."

His uncle smiled. "Ehhhh, and the projector's a hell of a lot more fun anyway." He tousled Gok's hair. "But listen, Gok...this private detective business you're always talking about starting up. I hate to tell you this, kid, but your parents are right about one more thing -- it ain't the nineteen thirties no more. And frankly the PI scene wasn't like a Bogart movie even back then. I think you may be looking at an exciting life if you go into the detective business, but not for the reasons you think."

"Jeez," said Gok, "could you be any more cryptic?"

"You're the one who wants to be a detective," said his uncle. "I thought you liked puzzles."

"I like DAMES."

"DAMES? Jesus Christ, Gok, this is just what I'm talking about. Purchase a calendar. It's nineteen eighty-seven. NOBODY says 'dames'. ...But anyway. You miss the point. Detective stories weren't the only books I gave you when you were a kid. ...I've seen some crazy shit, boy. And you might not believe it, but it seems to me the universe is less film noir and more science fiction. Arthur C Clarke and maybe even some Jack Kirby."

Gok smirked. "The Demon?"

His uncle's smile faded. "Look, Gok. There's something I want to give you. Something important I'd like you to hold onto." He reached into his pocket and pulled a key off his keychain. "Keep this for me."

"What's it for?" Gok asked.

His uncle was silent.

Gok chuckled a bit. "Look, if you expect me to believe this is some kinda MAGIC KEY, you'll have to do better than this. Fer cryin' out loud, it's just a house key. ...It's got the friggin' Ace Hardware logo on it."

His uncle smirked. "Look, just hang onto it, okay?"

Gok nodded. "Yeah, all right. Listen...we were talkin' about my lack of funds and my desire to get the hell out of the house."

His uncle smiled. "And I take it you don't have a place to stay."

Gok nodded.

"Would you like to move in with me?"

Gok looked at the floor. "Yeah, that was kinda the idea I was goin' for, yeah."

Silence.

Finally, Gok said, "Well? How'bout it?"

His uncle grinned. "I just gave you my house key, you damn fool." A beat. "What'd you THINK it was? Some kind of MAGIC KEY that will unlock some mystical artifact I'm hiding from the forces of darkness? You read too many comic books, kid."

--------------------------------------------------------

"What's it say, Gok?"

"My uncle just died. He left me...something or another; the damn thing doesn't say. And I got this sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with the old house key he gave me -- he always joked about it being some kind of magic artifact. He was a funny guy and I never took much of what he said seriously, but after spending three years on an alien world populated by demons, well, I can't help wondering what the hell he knew."

"Where's the key now?" Janey asked.

Gok shrugged. "Fuck if I know. I imagine I must've given it back to him when I finally moved out and started my detective business -- thanks to a generous loan he gave me that I never quite got the chance to pay back, for obvious reasons." He crumpled the envelope, only to feel something still inside. He smoothed it back out and tipped it into his hand. A key fell out.

Everybody gasped! Oh my Fuck!

Everyone looked at each other.

"ROAD TRIP!"

Plot's heartbeat stabilized slightly.

Kazz smiled. "Finally."

----

Long story short. Gok drove everybody down Chicago and broke into the old apartment, where they used to live. There was a small black box sitting on the kitchen counter, with a note taped to it:

Gokkie -

He said to leave this out on a table in his will, with explicit instructions that nobody was to look inside. We didn't, but that's not to say we didn't try; you know as well as I do how curious our family is. I think it's glued shut. If you still remember our phone number (hint freaking hint), why don't you give us a call and let us know what you find?

Love, Mom.

P.S. I know what you're thinking, but we cleaned out his fridge. Sorry.

"Aw, lil Gokkiepoo's a freeloader," joked HX. Gok ignored him, and lifted the box. It really did seem sealed shut. Nobody had to suggest the Resident Evil solution: Gok Combined the House Key with the Black Box, but it Had No Effect.

"Well, I dunno. How about.. you know.." Mega Man X began to charge.

"Touch this box and I kill you," Gok muttered, turning it over in his hands. He tried to think back. What would his uncle want him to recall? All he could remember was...

---

"Why don't you ever do the fucking dishes, kid?"

---

Gok walked over to the sink, and poured water on the box. It unsealed with a hiss, and opened.

"Wuh--"

Then everyone disappeared.

Thad sat scribbling in a notebook as the remainder of Team Fugu put finishing touches on their PowerPoint slides. Slides which really should have been done two days prior, but that was neither here nor there.

--------------------------------------------------------

"A MAGIC box," X observed. "Nice craftsmanship, too."

Janey winced. "So this is another one of those things I'm going to have to get used to?"

Billy responded in mock terror, his eyes wide: "RUN! SAVE YOURSELF! I'M NOT THE FIRST BILLY!"

Gok cleared his throat testily. "Anybody wanna look around, figure out where we are maybe?"

They looked around.

"HERE'S your film noir, Gokkie!" Hedgehog X said, clapping him on the back. "I'd say we're looking at something that happened quite some time ago. And if the sepia tones are any indication, it's an uninteractive flashback."

"One way to find out!" X exclaimed, and started firing wildly at various objects around the room. His shots passed harmlessly through them. "Yup, uninteractive."

Gok grimaced and whispered to HX, "Your friend's a little...unbalanced, isn't he?"

X rounded on him, a crazed gleam in his eyes. "Don't MAKE me TOTALLY RETIRE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."

He was interrupted as two figures entered the room.

Gok stared at one. "That's my uncle...but it looks like the fucking THIRTIES in here. He'd've been a baby, not a grown man. If he was even born at all yet."

HX's eyes widened. "It gets weirder," he said, as he glanced from the other figure -- a guy in a funny suit, which HX knew, despite the sepia tones, to be green -- to the desk in the middle of the room, which bore a placard reading "The Flyin' Dork, Attorney At La".

The Flyin' Dork sat down heavily behind his desk, and Gok's uncle sat across from him.

"La," The Flyin' Dork began.

"Look," said Gok's uncle, "I didn't kill the bastard. Sure, I didn't care much for him..."

The Flyin' Dork scowled. "LA."

"Okay, okay. In point of fact I HATED the sonofabitch. My mind was FULL of creative fantasies about precisely the manner in which I'd like to kill him. ...But that's all they were, Dork. ...You mind if I call you 'Dork'? ...That's all they were, Dork. Fantasies. I'd NEVER fucking act on them. All I was going to do was yell at him. And that's what I was on my way to do. I went over to give him a piece of my mind, and when I got there, the door was cracked. I opened it and there he was, all blood and entrails, and next thing I knew, the cops were all over me."

"La?"

"OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, DORK! YOU SAW THE PHOTOS! There's NO WAY I -- or any OTHER human being -- could've POSSIBLY done that. It's not a question of motive or alibi, it's a question of MEANS. ...Look, I know this 'demon' theory of mine sounds crazy, but remember what the man said: eliminate the impossible and then what's left, however improbable, is the correct solution."

"La," said The Flyin' Dork noncommittally. The magic box began to glow and the room began to fade.

"Well," said Kate, "that was informative. Not at all a huge ripoff letdown like Snape's Worst Memory."

"That's the spirit," Kelly said cheerfully, since she was the only character who hadn't said anything yet in this chapter. "Say...where are we now?"

"Utrom spacecraft, unless I quite miss my guess," said X with a crazed little laugh. "I don't like where this is going..."

And then the Utrom spacecraft exploded.

"LA!" screamed Hedgehog X as he fell burning through the stratosphere.

"What the hell are you doing?" X screamed as he fell with him.

"I'm imitating The Flying Dork," HX screamed, "I hope if I 'La' enough I'll figure out how to fly!"

"Dude," X screamed, "The Flying Dork CAN'T FLY!"

"Wha-" And then HX's face impacted the ground.

It was Monday.

He hadn't looked at a calender for months, but HX knew this had to be a Monday.

"Starting internal diagnostics," X droned, "Today is: Wednesday."

Well shit.




"Beep," said PLOT's life support machine.

Brentai unzipped his pants. "Don't worry baby. This won't hurt a bit." A silent pause. "But only because you're already in a coma." Then he shoved his cock into her eye.

"Beep," said PLOT's life support machine.




"I feel like I was caught in the middle of an exploding spaceship, dropped burning through the atmosphere, and landed face-first after a fall of extraterrestrial distance," Janey observed.

"Yes," said Billy, "Because you were."

Janey nodded. "Why aren't I dead?"

"Because it's inconvenient for the writers to say we died, and then revive us via some contrivance again."

Janey nodded again, and passed out before she could question the logic of it any more. So did the rest of the humans. X and HX still stood, mostly for narrative purposes.

"Let's think things through," said X, "We saw a flashback, Gok's uncle killed a man, The Flying Dork was his attorney, and then we were transported to an Utrom spaceship which immediately exploded. What does it mean???"

"Perhaps these will help," said HX, drawing from his gloves a series of photographs. They were sepia toned. Not only the pictures, but the film itself was made up of shades of brown. "I drew these out of flashback-space before the scene ended."

"How the fuck did you manage that?"

"I'm charged with the same Chaos energy that created the Median Spell, remember? So I cast a small Median Spell on the photos and created real versions of them from the 'media' projected by the memento box."

X's eyes widened, and then he blinked.

This paragraph is reserved for an off-topic tangent about why Megaman originally blinked so much despite being a robot.

X had blinked.

"Hedgey," he said cautiously, "That's a huge contrivance, but you still managed to actually explain something you did in a KateStory. Do you know what that means?"

HX thought. "...no?"




"Beep," said LOGIC's life support machine.

"Holy fuck," said Brentai.




HX shook the photos. "Anyway, take a look at these."

X, and the newly revived Kelly, Billy, Janey, and Gok, gathered around and took a look. Everybody gasped. Then Kelly and Billy gasped again.

"You two know something?" asked Gok.

"That man," explained Kelly. "He's Crazy Willy. He was a... I guess he was some kind of friend? Yeah, he was a friend of The Flying Dork."

"The attorney."

"Right."

"Well, the manner of death sure fits with the flashback," Janey said, "No human could have done that."

"Or would have," muttered Billy.

"I don't get it," X said, "What are we looking at?"

"Guess you wouldn't know food, would you?" Gok pointed to the big, beefy thing sticking out of Crazy Willy's chest. "That's a large, 20 oz sirloin. Whatever killed Willy managed to impale him on it."

"I don't get it," said Kelly, "From what I saw, I thought Crazy Willy was practically indestructable."

"Well, it looks like he did have one weakness," said the hedgehog, fitting the photos back into his glove.

He looked gravely at the group.

"This man was killed via a steak through the heart."




LOGIC groaned loudly.

"Heh, sorry about that," Brentai said, with a saucy thrust.




"Somehow," Billy mused, "This all comes down to a 'demon' that may or may not have known Crazy Willy, and knows how to kill a man with a cut of beef."

Kelly bit on her thumbnail and muttered. "Beef? Steak... cows... a demon who likes cows?"

Kelly and Billy looked at each other.

"Kuroi Ushi!"

"Er, no, try Wokko the Insane," Kuroi Ushi said, "I'm only half-demon, remember?"

Everybody jumped. There was Kuroi, wielding a sharp and deadly T-bone, and looking as rugged as ever.

The only difference was now his chest was open, and the little brain-alien inside could clearly be seen.




"Please take your penis out of my eyehole," PLOT asked calmly.

"EEEYAAAAAAAUGH!" screamed Brentai, and he ran screaming and naked out of the hospital.

"Mama mia!" exclaimed Dr. Mario as he was passed. "That's-a spicy meat-a-ball!"

Then, as per the meme, he touched Peach's genitals. And then she made him a cake.

Weird bitch.

Adam was fighting two demons in his head. The first demon, the good demon called Nasal Demon (anagram of Adam Nelson) was all like, "Don't post any more Katestory! It's evil!"

The second demon, Mid-Boss from Disgaea was standing there stoically and speaking, "Mon ami, Katestory deserves to be continued by your genius wit and unparallelled humor."

Adam thought, "Hey, Mid-Boss is being nice to me. I should do what he says."

Nasal Demon cried out, "Adam!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....." Nasal Demon collapsed.

Adam suddenly powered up Dragon Ball Z-style and quickly blasted both demons in to the next dimension. "I WILL DO WHAT I WANT!"

Adam walked in to PLOT's room and placed a hand on her forehead. "I will see to it that you are avenged. I WILL RIGHT THESE WRONGS!"

He posted a continuation to Katestory.

----------------------------

Something was obviously wrong with Kuroi. He spoke before and after his lips started moving and the dog next to him, named Binky, would bark, and the barking noise would occur like a half a second later. Anyway, Kuroi spoke.

"I killed Crazy Willy, and now I'll kill you too! I, Kuroi, will knock you all down!"

Ted Woosley stirred in his grave, and clawed his way out from the dirt. He began to shamble, zombie style, in the direction of Kuroi. Never mind that it was halfway across the United States, but he would make it in time for the plot to get back in to a positive swing.

HX shouted, "Why the hell did you kill Crazy Willy, anyway? We all could have had one of those Katestory editions where all the villians come back to try and defeat the heroes, and somehow, everyone learns the meaning of sharing and Christmas."

---

Adam looked at PLOT quickly. "Did that ever happen?"

PLOT's life support system flatlined for about twenty seconds.

"Fuck. Oh well."

---

"I'll tell you why! Cr