The Mighty Trinity

Episode 14: A Christmas Special

by Brentai

OUR STORY BEGINS... IN THE CAPITOL!

United States Senate
United States Senate
o/~ Jingle Bells, Brentai smells, Luke has got the gay! Stiv and Thad in bed are bad and Brad's the mayor of Tempe! o/~
Frodo
Frodo
Excuse me, Mr. Ashcroft, but shouldn't they be passing more legislation against buildings spontaneously combusting instead of being forced to sing Christmas songs for you all day?
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
What are you, some kind of terrorist?
Frodo
Frodo
What? No! I just said...
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
I heard what you said! You just said... erm... what's that thing... that thing that explodes?
Frodo
Frodo
A middle class salaryworker in a tall building?
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
No, no, the thing that's SUPPOSED to explode.
Frodo
Frodo
...bomb?
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
There! He said bomb!
Frodo
Frodo
But YOU just said bomb!
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
He said bomb twice! Off with his head!
Frodo
Frodo
Ah, bugger.

MEAN-FUCKING-WHILE!

MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bombara...
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
Ah! My mole in the Capitol is transmitting a feed!
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
...oh, this can't be good.

OH SHIT, WHAT IS THE MOLE UP TO?

John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
But before I kill you, I need to detail my evil plan.
Frodo
Frodo
(Oh, the "Villain is obsessively compelled to detail his evil plan" joke. Ha, ha.) You fiend! You'll never get away with this!
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Dude, you're jumping your lines.
Frodo
Frodo
Just trying keep SOME spontaneity in this story.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Damnation and hellfire it, I've lost my place. Everyone put your thumb on your scripts while I find it. Hmm.

WHAT COULD THE MIGHTY TRINITY BE UP TO AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

Stevie T.
Stevie T.
We're having sex with animals again!

NEVERMIND!

John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Oh, okay, my evil plan. Ahem. Everyone ready?
Ambiguously Gay Greg
Ambiguously Gay Greg
Nope, just gay.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
It is written on the Generic Artifact that he who makes the U.S. Senate sing the Hidden Song of Summoning will be able to summon The Beast, who will be forced to do the summoner's bidding before he can blow up the world.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Using the power of The Beast, I will finally be able to destroy that Satan-spawn, Santa Claus, and bring Christmas back to being a celebration of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ in Heaven.
Frodo
Frodo
And explode the world, you loony git!
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
I fail to see the problem with that. Armageddon gives me a God-boner.
Frodo
Frodo
Ooookay. But what if, say, a criminal mastermind were to stop you or The Beast? What then?
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Impossible. The Beast has no weaknesses! Well, except for the sound of One Heart, One Voice, and One Song. But such a thing belongs to nobody! Ha ha!
Frodo
Frodo
Well, Mr. Ashcroft, you've been most informative.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Too bad there's no chance that you can possibly escape your death, huh?
Frodo
Frodo
Pretty much. Here, hold this wire.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Okay. Hmm, what could this be f...
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
FRUITCAKES!
United States Senate
United States Senate
o/~ Fool the villain with obvious setups, fa la la la la, la la la la! o/~

HOURS LATER:

Brentai
Brentai
Hey Stiv, pass the ham would you?
Thad
Thad
Some more turkey for me, please.
Brad
Brad
Can I have some cranberry sauce?
Thad
Thad
That's disgusting.
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
Knock fuckity knock, Trinity!
Brentai
Brentai
I've got it.
Brentai
Brentai
Look, if you're selling Dianetics... it's YOU!
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
How are you gent... shut up. Look, I know we're arch... WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BACK THERE?
Brentai
Brentai
Nothing is going on back there.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
You're not wearing pants, Brent.
Brentai
Brentai
I am wearing pants.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Your...
Brentai
Brentai
These are not the droids you're looking for.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Would you stop waving your hand in my face?
Brentai
Brentai
Sorry.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Look, I know we're archenemies but I need your help.
Brentai
Brentai
We're archenemies? Hey guys, is Sharkey our archenemy?
Thad
Thad
I thought that was Dr. Billy.
Brad
Brad
I thought it was stale Combos.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
What? Of course I'm your archenemy! I lead The Enemy! We fight all the time, like ninjas!
Thad
Thad
But we've never fought you before.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
That's... uh, true. Look, the fate of the world hangs in the balance here! Moreso than usual! And this is a Christmas special! So let's team the fuck up!
Thad
Thad
Sure. Want some lamb?
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
God I hate Christmas.

OUR HEROES RUSH TO THE CAPITOL! WHOO-BLOODY-SH.

John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Ha! You're too late!
Thad
Thad
No we're not. You're still just making them sing Christmas carols.
United States Senate
United States Senate
o/~ Alex Chiu! What a screw! He's so fly! Cannot die! Always wearing his magnetic rings, never punctual sending things! Have eternal li-ife! For a lo-ow price! o/~
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Christmas songs blow the cranberry sauce. Here, you guys play this.
John Edwards
John Edwards
o/~ Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bombara Anne! o/~
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Terrorist!
John Kerry
John Kerry
o/~ Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bombara Anne!! o/~
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Terrorist!!
Joe Lieberman
Joe Lieberman
o/~ Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bombara Anne!!! o/~
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Terrorist!!!
Osama bin Laden
Osama bin Laden
o/~ Bomb Bomb Bomb, BOMB BOMBARA ANNE!!!!! o/~
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
TERRORIST!!!!!
United States Senate
United States Senate
o/~ Bombara A-a-anne! Please take my ha-a-and! You got me rockin' and a rollin', rockin' and a wheelin' Bombara Anne! o/~
Osama bin Laden
Osama bin Laden
o/~ Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bombara Anne. o/~
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
THE BEAST
WHO SUMMONS ME?!?!?!?!
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
Oh, wow. Uh, I do, oh Beast!
Thad
Thad
Actually, Sharkey did.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
It was a mistake! I need a do over.
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
THE BEAST
Make your wish, oh son of Sharks, so that I may destroy this world!
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
I wish for more wishes.
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
THE BEAST
No fuzzy dice, Fishy.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
I wish for you to not destroy the world?
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
THE BEAST
Sure, I can do that. And when I'm done, I destroy the world.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Okay, okay. Um, uuuuuuuuum...
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
You wish for Santa Claus to die.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Not really.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
You wish for Santa Claus to die.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Stop waving your hand in front of my face.
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
You wish...
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Beast, kill John Ashcroft.
MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURE
THE BEAST
That I can do.
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
TIME FOR THE EAT BOMB, FUCKO!
John Ashcroft
John Ashcroft
TerrorAAAAAIEGH...
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
*gobble* *snarf* *snap*
Stevie T.
Stevie T.
So The Beast is Aleister Crowley?
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
Yeah, aren't I?
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Now I REALLY wish I hadn't done that.
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
Muwahaha! Eat Bomb! EAT Bomb! And now, I will Eat Bomb the world!
Thad
Thad
This looks pretty bad. Guess I'll have to use my Final Summoning. This is gonna kill me... you guys all right with that?
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Well, er, yeah. I'm pretty down with that.
Stevie T.
Stevie T.
Man, the F in this KFC certainly doesn't stand for Fried!
Thad
Thad
I hate you all.
Thad
Thad
HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BIG IMPRESSIVE EFFECT!

Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
The heck? I've been summoned?
Thad
Thad
I've given my life for that? Fuck. Dies.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
Wait a minute. Wil! Sing me a song!
Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
o/~ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "What the fuck is up with that milkshake?" o/~
Stevie T.
Stevie T.
Dude, you so cannot rap.
Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
o/~ No shit, I so cannot rap. o/~
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
One heart, one voice, one song.
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
...a nobody. Oh for the love of...
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
Puff.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
And now without your leader, I...
Thad
Thad
Yo, biznatches. I'm back.
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
What the fuck?
Thad
Thad
Spirit a' Christmas, boiiiii.
Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
Word to your mother!
Scott Sharkey II
Scott Sharkey II
I fucking hate Christmas. Later, dorkgrabbers!
Brad
Brad
Hurf blurf smurf... Hey Wil, you want in on this shit?
Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
Got any Tribbles?
Brad
Brad
...no?
Wil Wheaton
Wil Wheaton
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life in the Capitol.
Thad
Thad
And so, Christmas and the World are saved, thanks to the Mighty Trinity!
Brentai
Brentai
Actually, Sharkey saved Christmas. We just saved the world.
Thad
Thad
Actually, I just saved the world. You guys put your dicks in things the whole time.
Brentai
Brentai
Well God bless us, every one.
Luke
Luke
OH YEAH!
Buddy Christ
Buddy Christ
And a very merry Christmas from the birthday boy himself.
Buddy Christ
Buddy Christ
The End!
Original Posted 03.12.24
This Version Created 04.08.23
Uploaded 04.08.26
Last Updated 05.08.03